It could be worse!

Today is Ash Wednesday — that’s the first day of Lent when most Catholics give something up. It seems like Catholics in the U.S. decided to give up Marco Rubio. –Conan O’Brien

J.K. Rowling will publish another Harry Potter book this summer and in this one, Harry is a father. Until chapter three, when Maury Povich shows up. –Conan O’Brien

Bernie Sanders is the first Jewish person ever to win a presidential primary. Which is why he celebrated his victory by telling the crowd, "It could be worse!" –Conan O’Brien