Time to go look for some homes for Grandpa (trademark psychotic meltdowns)

July 2020

On Trump’s recent press conference

“Donald Trump is clearly upset that he can’t hold rallies anymore now that attendance is so bad they look like Tuesday afternoon Mets games. So, yesterday, he lured reporters to the Rose Garden by pretending to hold a press conference, but decided instead to hold a little campaign rally for himself, which quickly devolved into yet another one of his trademark psychotic meltdowns.” — Seth Meyers

“And instead of a press conference, people said it was more like a campaign rally in front of 20 people. In other words, it was just like Tulsa.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Usually when you see something like that on TV, it ends with a voice saying, ‘It’s time to ask your doctor if Abilify is right for you.’” — Jimmy Fallon

"Seriously, if that were a wedding toast, the groom would have wrestled the mic away after 10 seconds.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Normally when a 74-year-old man spends an hour yelling in his garden, his family is like, ‘Time to go look for some homes for Grandpa.’” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

A Mao suit and a bunch of a Gaddafi scarves (or just shoots you in the nuts with a rubber bullet)

“They’re treating protesters like insurgents. Honestly, how long until Trump coasts down Pennsylvania Avenue on top of a tank in a Mao suit and a bunch of a Gaddafi scarves?” —Seth Meyers

“Trump is threatening to send in the military against US protesters. So, in response to protests about police brutality, you’re threatening to throw in the army to crush them. That’s like forgetting your child’s birthday, and apologizing by sending in the army to crush them.” —Stephen Colbert

“Here’s how bald this display of authoritarianism is: while he’s giving his speech in the Rose Garden, you can actually hear the military flash grenades exploding among the protesters in the background. Trump said, ‘where there is no law, there is no opportunity’ as a flash grenade pops in the background. (Colbert as Trump) ‘And where there is law, opportunity knocks … you in the head with a billy club, or just shoots you in the nuts with a rubber bullet.’ —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So if you want a test, you have to work on your three-pointer or eat a raw gazelle (Donny want a hamburger)

“On Monday afternoon, to make himself feel better about his plummeting approval ratings, Trump held a press briefing in the Rose Garden, and he got it going with one of his classic lies, telling reporters: ‘If somebody wants to be tested right now, they’ll be able to be tested.’ OK, that’s not true. Lots of people want a test but they can’t get one, because they don’t play in the NBA or aren’t a tiger in the Bronx zoo. So if you want a test, you have to work on your three-pointer or eat a raw gazelle.” —Stephen Colbert

“Really? You work in the most tested place in the world and you’re scared? Hey, I’ve got a spooky story for you: you’re driving on the highway late at night, when suddenly, a hideous old man rises up in your back seat and says, [imitating Trump] ‘You should go back to your job at the meat packing plant — Donny want a hamburger.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump celebrates milestone of 10,000 lies told (It's called Morning Woody)

The White House celebrated the National Day of Prayer today with a Christian band performing worship songs in the Rose Garden. And it's nice to know that every once in a while Trump’s suffering, too. --Seth Meyers

Researchers in England have discovered trace amounts of cocaine in several samples of freshwater shrimp. Apparently the shrimp got the cocaine from a blowfish. --Seth Meyers

An elderly couple in Australia yesterday mistakenly signed for a package containing 44 pounds of methamphetamine. Said the couple, "Yeah...mistakenly." --Seth Meyers

And finally, Kellogg's has released a Toy Story-themed breakfast cereal. It's called Morning Woody. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

To which President Bush said, "And the problem is?" (because usually when Cheney sees two lame ducks, you know...)

"The liberals are saying that this guest worker program is really just a way to depress wages and create a permanent underclass of exploited labor. To which President Bush said, 'And the problem is?'" --Bill Maher

"I don't blame President Bush. He doesn't really understand, first of all, what amnesty means. He thinks amnesty is what happens on soap operas when people wake up and they can't remember anything." --Bill Maher

"I kid the president. What a week he had. It was a bittersweet moment. He was in the Rose Garden for the last time with his long-time lover Tony Blair. As you know, Tony Blair is stepping down as prime minister and made his final visit to the U.S. There they were in the Rose Garden defending together their decision to go to war in Iraq. Dick Cheney had to be restrained, because usually when he sees two lame ducks, you know." --Bill Maher

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

crawling out of his hiding place might be a bad visual (I am not A Crook)

Yesterday when the Comey firing happened, White House “stress secretary” Sean Spicer was about to leave for his Navy Reserve duty. And he didn’t want to answer questions, so he hid in the bushes outside the White House. For real. Sometimes you’ve got to stop and smell the Rose Garden, you know? –Jimmy Kimmel

Sean Spicer finally agreed to come out if the reporters turned their camera lights off and their cameras. I guess for some reason he felt like the White House press secretary crawling out of his hiding place might be a bad visual. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

They've all found work as presidential candidates

"The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would've said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden." –Jimmy Fallon



"Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates." –Jimmy Fallon