Then Bush pardoned a ham and appointed it to the Supreme Court

"Former evangelist James Dobson says he wants to work on the panel that's going to help his friend Ted Haggard go from being gay to not gay, but he says the process could take 4-5 years, and he says he doesn't have the time. See I would love to be on that panel, teaching the guy how not to be gay. What, are you going to strip clubs all day? Having all your lunches at Hooters?" --Jay Leno

"Henry Kissinger says the war in Iraq is un-winnable. And if anybody knows how not to win a war its Henry Kissinger." --Jay Leno

"Every year, President Bush gets to pardon one turkey, and this year it was Donald Rumsfeld." --David Letterman

"Yesterday the two turkeys pardoned by President Bush were flown to Disney World to be grand marshals of Disney World's Thanksgiving Day parade. Then the president pardoned a ham and appointed it to the Supreme Court." --Conan O'Brien