You'll never be Johnny Cash eating cake in a bush High (Joint session sounds like more fun than it is)

While all this was happening, Donald Trump was hosting a screening at the White House of the movie "Finding Dory," which ironically is a movie about a fish trying to find her parents. To his credit he was so moved by the film, he lifted all travel restrictions on clownfish. So that is good. –Jimmy Kimmel

What a game! The Eagles won their first Super Bowl ever, toppling Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. They said Tom Brady was so distraught after the game, he chugged a quart of almond milk and ate half a grape. --Jimmy Kimmel

"Well, tonight in Washington, President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union address before a joint session of Congress. Joint session sounds like more fun than it is." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

JOKES: Trump lifted all travel restrictions on clownfish (So that is good)

While all this was happening, Donald Trump was hosting a screening at the White House of the movie "Finding Dory," which ironically is a movie about a fish trying to find her parents. To his credit he was so moved by the film, he lifted all travel restrictions on clownfish. So that is good. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump spoke with a number of foreign leaders over the weekend, including the president of Mexico, the prime minister of Germany. He also spoke with Vladimir Putin for about an hour. Putin wanted to know if Trump liked the gift he got him. Donald told him, yes, he was enjoying the presidency very much. –Jimmy Kimmel

JOKES: Trump said, "I was amazed by Dory’s long attention span."

They asked Trump about "Finding Dory" and Trump said, "I was amazed by Dory’s long attention span." –Conan O’Brien

This weekend the nation's airports were filled with people protesting president Trump's Muslim ban. It was the largest collection of angry people at an airport since every United Airlines flight. –Conan O’Brien

The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees. So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on the cups now . . . –Conan O’Brien

JOKES: Dory couldn't be found because she was being detained at the airport

A group of inmates in California filmed a YouTube video from prison where they vowed to help El Chapo escape. El Chapo was excited to watch it, but then a 30-second ad popped up and he was like, "Ugh — forget it." –Jimmy Fallon

Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here's how it works: If you're breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you're probably drunk. –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday Donald Trump spent the afternoon at the White House watching "Finding Dory" with his family. Apparently in this version Dory couldn't be found because she was being detained at the airport. –Conan O’Brien

JOKES: Then Melania said, "Trust me, he doesn't know when someone is faking it."

Here in New York thousands of people showed up at JFK airport over the weekend to protest Trump's immigration ban. People who were actually at the protests said, "This is awful." While people at LaGuardia were like, "You think you got it bad. We're at LaGuardia." –Jimmy Fallon

After Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer got emotional while protesting Trump's travel ban, Trump accused him of fake crying. Then Melania said, "Trust me, he doesn't know when someone is faking it." –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday at the White House, Trump hosted a screening of the movie "Finding Dory." Trump said he actually related more to "Finding Nemo" because that was about an orange-and-white cartoon. –Jimmy Fallon