She’s blind, so he’s got a shot (Take your time — think back)

June 2022

“It’s a bit of a leading question. They followed up by asking, ‘Do you notice anyone that night who was maybe farting while leaking hair dye and ranting in front of a dildo shop? Anyone like that? Could be anyone. Take your time — think back.’” — Stephen Colbert, on Jason Miller’s being asked if anyone was drunk on election night.

“Let me help you out here. There are five levels of intoxication on the Rudy breathalyzer: over the legal limit, rooting around the dumpster for empties, rooting around in his pants in ‘Borat,’ planning coup in a blackout and ‘The Masked Singer.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Today was Episode 2 of the hot new reality show ‘The January 6th Committee Hearings.’ We’re all waiting to find out if the former president gets to go to the fantasy suite with Lady Justice. She’s blind, so he’s got a shot.” — Stephen Colbert

“Episode 1 was a huge hit, because at least 20 million people watched Thursday’s hearing. We were live, OK? That’s the kind of audience usually reserved for ‘Sunday Night Football.’ Makes sense because Thursday’s hearing featured even more guys with brain damage.” — Stephen Colbert

“During the Monday hearing, Liz Cheney said Trump ignored advisers who confirmed the 2020 election was over and instead followed the advice of an apparently inebriated Rudy Giuliani to pursue non-existent claims of election fraud. That raises an interesting question: how many of the former president’s terrible ideas came from an inebriated Rudy Giuliani? Could it be … all of them?” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes (I just assumed I was going to jail)

April 2022

“Rudy Giuliani appeared on Wednesday night’s episode of Fox’s Masked Singer, belting out a rendition of Bad to the Bone. They finally get a Republican to wear a mask and that’s how it goes.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“You know, it actually takes talent not to hit any notes.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There is a good chance Rudy genuinely did not know where he was, and was just as surprised as everyone else when they opened that box. He was probably thrilled, by the way: [Imitating Giuliani] ‘A singing competition? I just assumed I was going to jail.’” —Seth Meyers

“Yeah, Rudy Giuliani just got voted off ‘The Masked Singer,’ which means he is about to spend the next five years claiming that he actually won ‘The Masked Singer.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess the Masked Singer money dried up (it's like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing)

April 2022

“In other Trump news, the former president endorsed Sarah Palin for Congress over the weekend. As Trump said in a statement: ‘Sarah Palin is tough and smart and will never back down.’ Even for Trump, it’s impressive to fit three lies in an eleven-word sentence. I guess the Masked Singer money dried up and Sarah is running for office. Trump endorsing Sarah Palin is like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing. It’s ridiculous.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I saw that Sarah Palin has announced that she is running for Congress in Alaska, which is good news for Republicans and great news for Democrats.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know, for someone who could see Russia from her house, she should have known years ago what Putin was up to, don’t you think?” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In response, Putin sent her somewhere no one will ever see her again – CNN (Do not open trunk)

“Sarah Palin was rapping on the Masked Singer – I’m sure it’s fine. I mean, when has a conservative celebrity on a reality show ever been a problem? Trump’s speech to calm fears about the Coronavirus: This is only the second time Trump has addressed the country from the Oval Office. The first was during the great McRib shortage of 2018.” —Jimmy Fallon

"This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn't medal, Putin said, 'Do not open trunk.'" –Jimmy Fallon

And tomorrow, Auntie Anne's is offering a special on heart-shaped pretzels. That's a great deal for all you hopeless romantics taking your dates to LaGuardia. --Jimmy Fallon

"An anchor for Russia's state-owned news channel quit on live TV yesterday, saying that she doesn't agree with the network's support of Vladimir Putin. In response, Putin sent her somewhere no one will ever see her again – CNN." –Jimmy Fallon

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

One of the most chilling phrases in the English language is... (since Lee Harvey Oswald made a guest appearance on Gilligan’s Island)

February 2022

“Rudy Giuliani’s Masked Singer appearance? No headline has captured the national zeitgeist of existential dread combined with ridicu-stupo-lousiness better than this. That’s right – the criminal goon that we know for a fact is being investigated for trying to overthrow our democracy for his idiot emperor was yuckin’ it up on a reality show! Fox has not revealed what Giuliani sang for his ‘swan song’ or what his costume was, but it’s safe to assume he was a jackass. A lot of people were upset by the reveal, but it may not be the producers’ fault. It’s possible that Rudy got drunk and wandered on to the Fox lot and passed out in a costume. Even people on the show disagreed with the decision to cast Giuliani; upon Giuliani’s reveal, according to Deadline, judges Ken Jeong and Robin Thicke left the stage in protest. Or they left in terror. I mean, one of the most chilling phrases in the English language is ‘surprise, it’s Rudy Giuliani!’” —Stephen Colbert

“That’s right, the criminal goon that we know for a fact is being investigated for trying to overthrow our democracy for his idiot emperor was yukking it up on a reality show. There hasn’t been anything this shocking since Lee Harvey Oswald made a guest appearance on ‘Gilligan’s Island.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, if you’re not familiar with ‘The Masked Singer,’ congratulations.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

rehabilitating his image by singing Shake Your Groove Thing dressed as a pineapple (and extra dickles)

February 2022

“Former Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani was unmasked during a recent taping of the reality show The Masked Singer. The guy who’s trying to destroy our country? He’s singing on a show! How does this even happen? I mean, a lot of people at Fox had to sign off on this – not one of them was like, ‘Hey maybe we shouldn’t have the guy who’s under investigation for helping to plot an insurrection singing on our show?’ Why would Rudy even agree to do this? Was he thinking he was going to the Masked Singer Landscaping Company? Do you remember Giuliani’s infamous appearance at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in November 2020? Only Rudy Giuliani would try to overthrow the government, break wind loudly in court, sweat hair dye all over one press conference, have another one next to a dildo store, and then try to rehabilitate his image by singing Shake Your Groove Thing dressed as a pineapple.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“As for the network that cast Giuliani for the show – Fox Network really should be ashamed of themselves. They should have another show after The Masked Singer that night called The Masked Executives – all the Fox executives come out in costumes. The one who greenlit this idea takes off the mask and gets voted off television forever.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“How does this even happen? I mean, a lot of people at Fox had to sign off on this. Not one of them was like, ‘Hey, maybe we shouldn’t have the guy who is under investigation for helping to plot an insurrection singing on our show’?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The only people who should be unmasking Rudy Giuliani is the gang from ‘Scooby Doo,’ you know?” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”