And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water (the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps)

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

A new report suggests that soon, gasoline will be cheaper than water. And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water. –Conan O’Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps (he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team)

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

Scott Baio said he is furious with Nordstrom for dropping Ivanka Trump’s clothing line. But mostly, Baio’s mad at Nordstrom for cutting his hours working in the stockroom. –Conan O’Brien

Amy Klobachar calls herself Trump’s worst nightmare. Actually Trump’s worst nightmare is a Mexican guy forcing him to eat a salad. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think that might be our biggest problem (Ladies.....Quit Laughing)

"Bush did sit down with the premiere Olympic sportscaster of all time, Bob Costas, to discuss what he thought was so weird about the invasion [on screen: Bush saying he thought it was odd Russia invaded Georgia during a time when the world is promoting 'peace and harmony,' and that there needs to be 'international mediation there']. Yes. Sometimes international mediation can solve conflicts. That's President Bush winning the preliminary heat in the 200 meter lack of self-awareness dash [on screen: Bush saying America doesn't seem to have any problems]. I think that might be our biggest problem." --Jon Stewart

"Republicans are no longer allowed to say that people are rich. You have to refer to them as 'job creator'. You can't even use the word 'rich'. You have to say, 'This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator.'" –Jon Stewart

"The Bush administration reads the poll numbers, they know most Americans think their policies are failing, so they've responded by changing the person who tells us those policies. It's quite a bold move. Every house cleaning starts by replacing the doormat." --Daily Show correspondent Ed Helms

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Spanish scientists say they have discovered the oldest reproduction of Jesus Christ (You lost us at textbook)

"Spanish scientists say they have discovered the oldest reproduction of Jesus Christ. It's a selfie he took with Larry King." –Conan O'Brien 

In Utah, a woman pulled out two of her son’s teeth in a Walmart bathroom. Or as that procedure will soon be known, “the Trumpcare dental plan.” –Conan O’Brien

House Speaker Paul Ryan described Donald Trump’s remarks about a Hispanic judge as a "textbook definition" of racism. When they heard this, Trump supporters said, "You lost us at 'textbook.'" –Conan O’Brien

Former FBI Director James Comey did not want to be left alone in a room with Donald Trump. Which is why James Comey was just named an honorary Miss Universe contestant. –Conan O’Brien

"Today Show" host Savannah Guthrie is skipping the Olympics in Rio because she’s pregnant and worried about the Zika virus. In a related story, Bob Costas just announced he is pregnant. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's probably something do with Bill Clinton (But wait...There's Myrrh)

February 2014

"It is a day to remember all our presidents. And also to get a terrific deal on mattresses." –Craig Ferguson

"I wonder what ex-presidents do on Presidents Day. Probably have a big cookout at the ex-presidents clubhouse. Clinton, Carter, and the two Bushes all live together in a big house. Just like late-night talk-show guys live together in the late-night clubhouse. I haven't seen Leno recently, although one of his cars is still in the driveway. Maybe he's coming back." –Craig Ferguson

"Presidents Day, of course, started out as celebration of Washington's birthday. Then someone remembered it was Lincoln's birthday on the 12th. So now we celebrate Washington, Lincoln and all the other Presidents. I have no idea how this led to mattress sales. It's probably something do with Bill Clinton." - Craig Ferguson

"There is good news from Sochi. Bob Costas has defeated pink eye. He's back to anchoring the Winter Olympics. I'm surprised NBC let him come back. Usually when they replace a host, they stick with their decision." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team (The Corporate War On Us)

February 2014

"Norway currently leads the medal count with 12, followed by the Netherlands and Canada, followed then by white-sylvania and albino-stan. The Winter Games are really the only games that to do well, you have to look exactly like the surface you're competing on." –Jon Stewart

"Yesterday Matt Lauer jokingly blamed Bob Costas' eye infection on Russian President Vladimir Putin. Yeah, and today police are wondering: Where in the world is Matt Lauer?" –Conan O'Brien

"The Slovenian woman who won the gold medal in alpine skiing is also a pop star in her country. So Justin Bieber is not the only pop star going downhill fast." –Conan O'Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.' (Cookies and Milk)

July 2012

"This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas." –David Letterman 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In other words, it sounds like Bob Costas will be there (100,000 condoms)

Officials at the Winter Olympics have stocked the Olympic Village with over 100,000 condoms. In other words, it sounds like Bob Costas will be there. --Conan O’Brien

After decades of bitter fighting, North Korea and South Korea will march together in the Winter Olympics. Even more unbelievable, yesterday Melania Trump went to Ohio with her husband. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He shouldn't be our president. He should be our mascot (lack of self-awareness)

"You know, he really is adorable. He shouldn't be our president. He should be our mascot." --Jon Stewart, watching Bush at the Olympics

"Bush did sit down with the premiere Olympic sportscaster of all time, Bob Costas, to discuss what he thought was so weird about the invasion [on screen: Bush saying he thought it was odd Russia invaded Georgia during a time when the world is promoting 'peace and harmony,' and that there needs to be 'international mediation there']. Yes. Sometimes international mediation can solve conflicts. That's President Bush winning the preliminary heat in the 200 meter lack of self-awareness dash [on screen: Bush saying America doesn't seem to have any problems]. I think that might be our biggest problem." --Jon Stewart

"John Edwards, presidential aspirant and author of the famed claim that there are two Americas, was apparently only faithful to his wife in one of them. Apparently he didn't realize that the National Enquirer had reporters stationed in the other America, where he was, in fact, banging his videographer." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

for two hours Superman talks about global warming (always there to answer the call)

"While our young men and women battle valiantly in Iraq, the older men and women who sent them there are locked in a similar struggle -- albeit rhetorical -- carefully choosing their fighting words over here, because they'll never have to actually go over there." --Jon Stewart

"People are happy that Superman is back. But the film itself, is uh, I don't want to say its dull but all it is for two hours Superman talks about global warming." --David Letterman

"What is it with Republicans and Viagra? First Bob Dole, he was doing the ads for Viagra. Now you got Rush Limbaugh. Say what you want about Bill Clinton, but the man was always there to answer the call, ladies and gentlemen" --Jay Leno

Bob Costas just announced he is pregnant (You lost us at textbook)

House Speaker Paul Ryan described Donald Trump’s remarks about a Hispanic judge as a "textbook definition" of racism. When they heard this, Trump supporters said, "You lost us at 'textbook.'" –Conan O’Brien

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi said it would be great if Hillary Clinton picked a female running mate. She said it during a speech entitled "Hint Hint." –Conan O’Brien

"Today Show" host Savannah Guthrie’s skipping the Olympics in Rio because she’s pregnant and worried about the Zika virus. In a related story, Bob Costas just announced he is pregnant. –Conan O’Brien

There is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow

"I'm glad you were able to tear yourselves away from the Winter Olympics. The sporting event that answers the question, How many different ways can white people injure themselves on ice?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

"Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That’s my job!' But you know, there is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them – but eventually snow goes away." –Bill Maher