It's probably something do with Bill Clinton (But wait...There's Myrrh)

February 2014

"It is a day to remember all our presidents. And also to get a terrific deal on mattresses." –Craig Ferguson

"I wonder what ex-presidents do on Presidents Day. Probably have a big cookout at the ex-presidents clubhouse. Clinton, Carter, and the two Bushes all live together in a big house. Just like late-night talk-show guys live together in the late-night clubhouse. I haven't seen Leno recently, although one of his cars is still in the driveway. Maybe he's coming back." –Craig Ferguson

"Presidents Day, of course, started out as celebration of Washington's birthday. Then someone remembered it was Lincoln's birthday on the 12th. So now we celebrate Washington, Lincoln and all the other Presidents. I have no idea how this led to mattress sales. It's probably something do with Bill Clinton." - Craig Ferguson

"There is good news from Sochi. Bob Costas has defeated pink eye. He's back to anchoring the Winter Olympics. I'm surprised NBC let him come back. Usually when they replace a host, they stick with their decision." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you get 50 percent off any mattress if you can prove you're a former president (Did something happen to Jay?)

February 2014

"It happened again — today I get a call from my mom. She says, 'David, did something happen to Jay?'" –David Letterman

"Happy Presidents Day. There's a Presidents Day sale here where you get 50 percent off any mattress if you can prove you're a former president." –David Letterman

"We're halfway through the Winter Olympics. The American speed skaters say there's a reason their times are off. They're blaming it on their suits, and I thought maybe I should do that. It was my suit." –David Letterman

"I want to start by wishing everyone a happy Presidents Day because it seems like the right thing to do, even though none of you are actually presidents." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The same way Disney was with Harvey Weinstein (and my chopping is perfect)

Presidents Day is coming up. We have come a long way from George Washington haven’t we? Washington said I cannot tell a lie, I chopped down the cherry tree. Trump would say (as Trump) I never met that tree and my chopping is perfect. —Bill Maher 

 The Republican Senate has decided that Trump is emperor. They said if Trump is making us money then he can do whatever he wants. The same way Disney was with Harvey Weinstein. —Bill Maher

Trump’s friend Roger Stone, who looks like the doorman at an orgy, was convicted in court of seven felonies and was sentenced to nine years in prison. Stone was one of Trump’s original political advisors. They go way back. Trump has known Roger Stone over three wives. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He knew he was in trouble when he got on the scale, and it said "National Emergency." (I cannot tell when I'm lying)

Monday is Presidents Day and we've gone from I cannot tell a lie to I cannot tell when I'm lying. --Bill Maher

Trump’s new slogan is “Finish the Wall.” I mean it's madness. Things haven't even gotten started and he's already moved on to finishing and Melania said, “Welcome to my world.” --Bill Maher

Well, the results of Trump's annual physical came out. And I saw that in the past year, he gained 4 pounds. Trump said, "That's because when I stepped on the scale, I forgot to take off my hair." Four pounds? After gaining 4 pounds, he's now technically considered obese. He knew he was in trouble when he got on the scale, and it said "National Emergency." That's right -- Since Trump is now technically obese, he could just BE the border wall. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Sarah Palin said she could see the collision from her house (the second best president named George Bush)

"Happy Presidents' Day, everybody. As you know, the banks were all closed today. I understand a few are expected to open tomorrow." --Jay Leno

"Last week, an American satellite collided with a Russian satellite over Siberia. And Sarah Palin said she could see the collision from her house." --Jay Leno

"A new poll of historians just came out. And the poll has named former President George W. Bush one of the ten worst presidents of all time. But on the bright side, Bush was selected second best president named George Bush." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

America's original Willie Nelson

"Most stores are open on Presidents Day. What better way to celebrate our presidents than by offering a sale on tires? Yes, four score and 20 years ago, our forefathers got two-for-one on steel-belted radials." –Craig Ferguson 







"You can tell how important a president was based on his monument. Lincoln was important because his monument shows him sitting in a chair looking serious. And George Washington got an even better one — a monument shaped like a giant middle finger pointed at England." ––Craig Ferguson

"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson