Do you really think we'd start a war under false pretenses? (she won the Grammy for Best Mistake)

Last night at the Grammys, Adele started a tribute to George Michael but messed up and so she started over. She was on such a roll that she won the Grammy for Best Mistake. –Conan O’Brien

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Using their connections to get into the Texas National Guard (Not a bad idea to kick off bikini season)

"Last year the U.S. Army missed its recruiting goal. But this year not only did they meet their goal, they exceeded it. They got 80,000 recruits. The bad news is all 80,000 of them used their connections to get into the Texas National Guard." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Saddam Hussein has announced a new hunger strike to protest the shooting death of his lawyer yesterday. Not a bad idea to kick off bikini season." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They have a better track record on women's issues (All the original artists!)

Apparently, members were up until 4:00 a.m., which might explain why things got a little loopy. Like these late night musings from Rep. Jason Smith: “You could tax a lot of different items if you want to stop behavior. You know, I love ice cream. Ice cream is probably not the healthiest thing to eat. Why is there not a tax on that? You know what, if you look at the No. 1 cause of skin cancer, it is not tanning beds. Do a Google search: It is the sun. Why have they not proposed a tax on the sun?” So if you’re worried about losing your healthcare, don’t worry! It’s safely in the hands of the guy who’s up all night googling “why don’t we tax the sun?” –Stephen Colbert

These investigations come on top of all the other investigations that are going on. Trump is currently being looked into by the special counsel, The US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, The FBI, The Marshall Tucker Band, The House Committee on Oversight and Reform, Molly Hatchet, The House Committee on Ways and Means, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The House Intelligence Committee, The Allman Brothers, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and many more! All the original artists! --Stephen Colbert

"The Army is pulling out of Rush Limbaugh. Meanwhile, they're staying in Afghanistan to negotiate with the Taliban, who evidently have a better track record on women's issues." –Stephen Colbert, on the U.S. Army pulling ads from Rush Limbaugh's radio show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it (Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad)

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets gay men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Another Republican is about to announce he is running for president. Newt Gingrich is about to announce. Some people say Newt Gingrich may have trouble winning over traditional values voters because he has had three marriages. So as a result, the campaign has announced a new slogan, 'Newt Gingrich, so committed to marriage, he can't stop doing it.'" –Conan O'Brien

Ted Cruz has been joined on the campaign trail by former candidate Gov. Rick Perry. So in other words, Ted Cruz is the No. 1 choice of the guy who was nobody’s choice. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have a joke about Trickle Down Economics (they have a better track record on women's issues)

A new home has been found for some geese in Kailua, Hawaii. Some private landowners wanted the geese off their property, but there was a public outcry after an exterminator had been sent to kill all the ducks and geese on Enchanted Lake. It might be time to reassess your career choices when you’re waking up in the morning and saying, “Well, time to kill everything on Enchanted Lake.” --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday, the Trump Administration announced that the entire Affordable Care Act should be struck down, including protections for people with pre-existing conditions. Yes, now that he’s free of the Mueller investigation, Trump can focus on his real enemies - the living. --Stephen Colbert

"The Army is pulling out of Rush Limbaugh. Meanwhile, they're staying in Afghanistan to negotiate with the Taliban, who evidently have a better track record on women's issues." –Stephen Colbert, on the U.S. Army pulling ads from Rush Limbaugh's radio show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps (he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team)

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

Scott Baio said he is furious with Nordstrom for dropping Ivanka Trump’s clothing line. But mostly, Baio’s mad at Nordstrom for cutting his hours working in the stockroom. –Conan O’Brien

Amy Klobachar calls herself Trump’s worst nightmare. Actually Trump’s worst nightmare is a Mexican guy forcing him to eat a salad. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, the other side offers their guys, what, 72 virgins? We get a 3-year-old sandwich (drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?)

"But to be fair to President Bush, at the time we invaded Iraq,

he thought Venezuela was a planet. Of course, today, he corrected

himself. He now realizes Venezuela is those horns they blow at

the World Cup." –Jay Leno

"BBC is reporting that Venezuela may have massive oil reserves, more than even Saudi Arabia. You know what that means? We could have invaded closer to home and saved gas." –Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

Scientists for the United States Army have developed a sandwich that can remain edible for three years. Well, if that doesn't get guys to re-up, nothing will. Let me tell you, that shows you how dedicated our armed forces are. I mean, the other side offers their guys, what, 72 virgins? We get a 3-year-old sandwich." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Incidentally, Schwarzenegger Angelides is my porn name (Why did you light my cake on fire?)

"Signing up for the Army just got a little bit easier. Now, I know what you're thinking, 'I'm too lazy and emotionally fragile for boot camp, plus I'm a felon with a third-grade education. And I'm gay.' Well, good news, in today's Army, it doesn't matter. Except the gay part. According to the Wall Street Journal, the military is adopting a kinder and gentler approach to basic training, in order to improve diminishing recruitment numbers. Among the changes: more sleep and personal time, less running, and best of all, overweight recruits don't have to skip dessert. Hey, kids, boot camp is now easier than fat camp." --Jon Stewart

"Californians selected state Treasurer Phil Angelides as their the candidate for the upcoming gubernatorial election, setting up a much anticipated Schwarzenegger/Angelides contest in November. Incidentally, Schwarzenegger Angelides is my porn name." --Jon Stewart

"I do want to begin with an update on our Vice President, Dick Cheney. He didn't shoot anyone else, but he is a man a heartbeat away from both the presidency and one count of manslaughter." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach (The state of our uniom is strug!)

These investigations come on top of all the other investigations that are going on. Trump is currently being looked into by the special counsel, The US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, The FBI, The Marshall Tucker Band, The House Committee on Oversight and Reform, Molly Hatchet, The House Committee on Ways and Means, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The House Intelligence Committee, The Allman Brothers, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and many more! All the original artists! --Stephen Colbert

Robert Kraft was in a Florida massage parlor, where he was caught on camera getting a, let’s say “hand employment.” So, once again, the Patriots are embroiled in a scandal involving deflated balls. We shouldn’t be surprised. There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach. --Stephen Colbert

"The Army is pulling out of Rush Limbaugh. Meanwhile, they're staying in Afghanistan to negotiate with the Taliban, who evidently have a better track record on women's issues." –Stephen Colbert, on the U.S. Army pulling ads from Rush Limbaugh's radio show

The Trump administration wants to showcase what the country is like now that Republicans are in charge of everything. And they may have done just that, because they sent out these actual tickets to see the State of the Uniom. Now they’re reprinting the tickets, and they’re going to recall the old ones — which could be tough, because I’ve seen members of the Trump administration testify, and they can’t recall ANYTHING. But maybe, just maybe, it’s not a typo. He said he would change things. Maybe tomorrow WILL be the first State of the Uniom. “My fellow Anericams: With Doland Trunk as your predisent, every mang, woban, and chilm will know: The state of our uniom is strug!” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”