I’m celibate, this is all I have (it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together)

Over the weekend, Pope Francis gave his support to a woman who was publicly breastfeeding. The Pope defended himself saying, "I’m celibate, this is all I have." –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s surprisingly wrinkly (more radiant than ever)

Over the weekend, Iran responded to Trump’s proposal with a list of demands that included reparations for the war and full control over the strait of Hormuz. Tehran also said that it as willing to suspend development of its nuclear program but for a shorter time than the 20 years requested by Trump. Twenty years isn’t even that long,” laughed Colbert. “Anne Hathaway looks exactly the same. And if anything, Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci and Emily Blunt are more radiant than ever.” —Stephen Colbert

The president spent this weekend’s Mother’s Day posting a slew of AI-generated images: some showed Trump surrounded by pink hearts while another proclaimed him “the greatest of all time”. He’s also engaging in some recreational idolatry. There is a new 22ft Trump statue at his Miami golf club. [It’s] surprisingly wrinkly. They forgot to steam out his pants, his shirt and his face. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s going to be awkward the next time they do a movie together (buy high AND sell high)

"Chris Christie is being accused of getting back at a political rival by blocking access to the George Washington Bridge. Christie said, 'I never blocked access to the GWB, I blocked access to a KFC.'" –Conan O'Brien

In Oakland, California, for the first time, a marijuana company will be publicly traded. It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high AND sell high. –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Today, Greenland offered to buy us (he's the Ozempic of the economy)

The stock market has lost $5 trillion dollars in three weeks. Trump, he's the Ozempic of the economy. Wow, 5 trillion dollars. Today, Greenland offered to buy us. —Bill Maher

There are CEOs out there begging Luigi Mangione to shoot them in the back of the head. —Bill Maher

Eggs are still so expensive. But we need eggs, what else are we going to throw at the Teslas. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those were televised?! (smiling her way through the inauguration)

Oscar nominations were announced today with Meryl Streep

nominated for “Florence Foster Jenkins,” Natalie Portman for

“Jackie,” and Hillary Clinton for smiling her way through the

inauguration. –Seth Meyers

According to reports, President Trump and some of his allies have

raised the possibility that Rudy Giuliani should do fewer television

interviews following his recent appearances. Replied Giuliani,

"Those were televised?! --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Their ratings were terrible (I’m not even sure he was in a movie this year)

"We have a new Congress starting today. The 114th Congress convened today in our nation's capital. I thought Congress got canceled after last season. Their ratings were terrible." –Jimmy Kimmel

Hollywood awards season is in full bloom as nominations for Academy Awards came out today. There are a lot of familiar faces among the nominees. Meryl Streep is nominated for the 21st time. Denzel Washington was nominated for his ninth Oscar and I’m not even sure he was in a movie this year. That’s how good he is. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s how good he is. (because even she forgot who he was)

Jeb needed a big win last night but he really disappeared. He finished seventh of eight in total talking time. He was the least-Googled candidate in the debate. The only person who Googled Jeb Bush last night was his mother, Barbara, because even she forgot who he was. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hollywood awards season is in full bloom as nominations for Academy Awards came out today. There are a lot of familiar faces among the nominees. Meryl Streep is nominated for the 21st time. Denzel Washington was nominated for his ninth Oscar and I’m not even sure he was in a movie this year. That’s how good he is. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time they do a movie together (it’s not illegal for women to vote)

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted that millions of people voted illegally on Election Day. Then someone told Trump it’s not illegal for women to vote. –Conan O’Brien

Breakfast Club star Anthony Michael Hall is facing seven years in prison for fighting his neighbor. However, his lawyer is trying to plea bargain that down to just serving detention with Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, and Judd Nelson. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those were televised?! (digital protest art)

According to reports, President Trump and some of his allies have raised the possibility that Rudy Giuliani should do fewer television interviews following his recent appearances. Replied Giuliani, "Those were televised?! --Seth Meyers

Openly gay Democratic mayor Pete Buttigieg announced this morning that he has launched an exploratory committee for a possible presidential run, much to the dismay of Mike Pence, who believes being exploratory is a sin. --Seth Meyers

Oscar nominations were announced today with Meryl Streep nominated for “Florence Foster Jenkins,” Natalie Portman for “Jackie,” and Hillary Clinton for smiling her way through the inauguration. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump’s lifelong dream is to be the first man to go bankrupt on Mars (she’s spanking him with a magazine with his face on it)

You may know that Trump was supposed to give the State of the Union address on Tuesday, and Nancy Pelosi shut that down in what many are describing as an embarrassing loss for our embarrassing president. So he will not give the State of the Union on Tuesday. Instead, he’ll have the night free to eat cheeseburgers and watch an all new episode of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club. Pelosi really got the best of him. Usually when Trump bends over for a woman like that, it’s because she’s spanking him with a magazine with his face on it. --Jimmy Kimmel

Hollywood awards season is in full bloom as nominations for Academy Awards came out today. There are a lot of familiar faces among the nominees. Meryl Streep is nominated for the 21st time. Denzel Washington was nominated for his ninth Oscar and I’m not even sure he was in a movie this year. That’s how good he is. --Jimmy Kimmel

Now there’s another tell-all book written by another Trump staffer called “Team of Vipers”. According to the author, right after he took office, Trump told NASA he wanted them to land a man on Mars during his first term in office and offered to give them all the money they could ever need in two or three years to make it happen. Trump’s lifelong dream is to be the first man to go bankrupt on Mars. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together (everything we already know)

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

A man has finally been arrested for changing the famous Hollywood sign to read “Hollyweed.” In other words, we’re punishing the first stoner in the world to actually show some initiative. –Conan O’Brien

CNN is reporting that the Russians have disgusting and damaging information about Donald Trump. Apparently, the Russian report on Trump contains “everything we already know.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This decision was hailed as a victory by Native American leader Giggling Eagle (Don’t I get credit for anything?)

"The hackers who hacked into Sony have leaked the upcoming script for the new James Bond movie. Some of the executives said the news left them shaken but not stirred." –Conan O'Brien

"Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, 'The Interview.' North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, 'Now we can't show anybody the movie.' I'm disappointed. I think this is the wrong thing to do. And I hear in the film that Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien

"The Justice Department ruled that Native American tribes are allowed to grow and sell marijuana on reservations. This decision was hailed as a victory by Native American leader Giggling Eagle." –Conan O'Brien

This week, Sarah Palin said that God helped Donald Trump win the presidential election. When he heard this, a furious Satan said, “Don’t I get credit for anything?” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hear in the film that Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un (Giggling Eagle)

"Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, 'The Interview.' North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, 'Now we can't show anybody the movie.' I'm disappointed. I think this is the wrong thing to do. And I hear in the film that Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien

"The Justice Department ruled that Native American tribes are allowed to grow and sell marijuana on reservations. This decision was hailed as a victory by Native American leader Giggling Eagle." –Conan O'Brien

"Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes and the guy he was up against got killed in a mysterious boating accident. The boat was in a warehouse." –Conan O'Brien

"The hackers who hacked into Sony have leaked the upcoming script for the new James Bond movie. Some of the executives said the news left them shaken but not stirred." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's what happens to a business when you hire the wrong people (birds are going to try to eat you)

"At the St. Louis Zoo, Newt Gingrich got too close to one of the animals and was bit on the hand by a penguin. If you're named after a lizard, you have to assume birds are going to try to eat you." –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump was completely removed from the negotiations. It’s funny, he always claimed to be the best negotiator. This was his big selling point, “I’m the dealmaker.” At this point it seems pretty clear he couldn’t even negotiate 20% off at Bed Bath & Beyond with the coupon. --Jimmy Kimmel

The big news today was the bigly anticipated release of former FBI director James Comey’s book, in which he paints an unflattering portrait of his former boss. The president is said to be furious about this book because it combines the two things Trump hates most — criticism and reading. --Jimmy Kimmel

Tax Day normally falls on April 15 traditionally, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hollywood awards season is in full bloom as nominations for Academy Awards came out today. There are a lot of familiar faces among the nominees. Meryl Streep is nominated for the 21st time. Denzel Washington was nominated for his ninth Oscar and I’m not even sure he was in a movie this year. That’s how good he is. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Flying monkeys and a witch (There were three Spidermen in it!)

February 2022

“I am taking issue with the 2022 Oscar nominations that were announced on Tuesday morning, which did not include a nod for last year’s biggest blockbuster, Spider-Man: No Way Home. How did that not get one of the ten nominations for best picture? There were only 11 movies made this year Forget the fact that the movie made $750m and is still going – this is a great movie. It wasn’t in the top 10 best movies of the year? There were three Spidermen in it!” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I am particularly annoyed that Spider-Man, starring Tom Holland and Zendaya, was snubbed in favor of such ‘serious’ movies as Don’t Look Up, a darkly comic parable for climate emergency directed by Adam McKay. You’re telling me Don’t Look Up was better than Spider-Man? It most certainly was not. When did we decide that the best picture has to be serious? As far as I know, this was not the point of feature film when they started making them. Ben-Hur? Chariots and leprosy. Frankenstein? A monster powered by lightning. Fantasia? Mickey Mouse on an acid trip. The Wizard of Oz? Flying monkeys and a witch. These are great Oscar-worthy movies!” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Now, there’s nothing wrong with a serious movie, a lot of them are fantastic and worthy of Oscars. But why do they have to be serious, is what I’m saying. When did that become a prerequisite for getting nominated for an Academy Award? Here’s what happened. The Academy voters, they looked at the list, they saw the names Leo DiCaprio and Meryl Streep, they checked that box, and then they put their kids in the car and they went to see the movie Spider-Man, and they loved it.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When they said everyone is quitting their jobs during the pandemic, they meant everybody (the twelfth-most popular farm animal)

February 2022

“Quarterback Tom Brady officially announced his retirement from the N.F.L. on Tuesday, writing on Instagram that other things require his attention. Man, when they said everyone is quitting their jobs during the pandemic, they meant everybody.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But this is amazing. Brady is walking away with the most Super Bowl appearances, wins and M.V.P.s. It’s strange to say, but he’s basically the N.F.L.’s Meryl Streep.” —Jimmy Fallon

“So Tom Brady did a lot for the Patriots and for Tampa and the sport of football, but he’s also done a lot for goats. You know, people don’t mention, before they were associated with him, they were like the twelfth-most popular farm animal.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

I thought Congress got canceled after last season. Their ratings were terrible. (We bought these instead of these)

In other White House news, according to a recent article, President Trump's

son-in-law, Jared Kushner, has been asked to turn his focus to prison reform.

And based on the way the Russia investigation is going, I assume he wants

to make prisons way harder to get into.  --James Corden

U.S. immigration agents targeted hundreds of 7-Eleven stores today to

investigate the legal status of store employees. Hey, if you're going to

investigate something at 7-Eleven, how about the hot dogs? How long

have THEY been in the country? --Seth Meyers

A Democratic congressman is introducing a bill that would force

presidential candidates to take a mental health exam. It is called

the "Too Little, Too Late Act."  --Jimmy Fallon

A man has finally been arrested for changing the famous Hollywood

sign to read “Hollyweed.” In other words, we’re punishing the first

stoner in the world to actually show some initiative. –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her

Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time

Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

"We have a new Congress starting today. The 114th Congress

convened today in our nation's capital. I thought Congress got

canceled after last season. Their ratings were terrible."

–Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It will be on next month's cover of the Sports Illustrated pants suit issue (That must drive his wife crazy)

February 2013

"The White House officially released portraits of the White House gang. You can all see the portrait of Hillary Clinton. It will be on next month's cover of the 'Sports Illustrated' pants suit issue." –David Letterman

"The Pope does not earn a nickel. No paycheck, no money coming in, nothing. That must drive his wife crazy." –David Letterman

"Somebody noticed that none of the Oscar winners thanked God. To add insult to injury, at his last sermon, the same day, the Pope thanked Harvey Weinstein and Meryl Streep." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Large, hivelike swelling on the face, eyelids, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet, and sex organs (Let’s say check)

“I looked up the side effects of this miracle drug hydroxychloroquine Trump is now taking. They include: ‘severe mood or mental changes.’ Check. ‘Feeling that others can hear your thoughts.’ Check. ‘Feeling, seeing or hearing things that are not there.’ Check. ‘Large, hivelike swelling on the face, eyelids, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet, and sex organs.’ Let’s say check.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And the side effects can potentially include agitation, insomnia, confusion, mania, hallucinations, paranoia, as well as lasting psychiatric and neurological symptoms, so either Trump’s lying about taking it, or he’s been taking it for 73 years.” —Seth Meyers

“Last night, Neil Cavuto of Fox News had the temerity to warn his viewers that this miracle drug is not recommended. Trump saw that and wrote, ‘@FoxNews is no longer the same. We miss the great Roger Ailes. You have more anti-Trump people, by far, than ever before. Looking for a new outlet!’ ‘The great Roger Ailes,’ by the way, is a man who was accused of sexually harassing at least 20 women who work for him before being forced out of Fox News and dropping dead.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“A new outlet where? No outlet praises you more. That’s like Meryl Streep complaining about how the Oscars treat her.” —Seth Meyers

“Ah, yes, the great Roger Ailes, the famous creep who oversaw a culture of paranoia and sexual harassment at Fox News that led to him getting fired by liberal snowflake, let’s see, Rupert Murdoch.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”