all the countries represented in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition (So he’s been training for this really for his whole life)

"Yesterday Rick Santorum greeted the locals by telling them if Puerto Rico wants to become a state, they need to start speaking English. Only Rick Santorum would go to someone's native land and tell them they're speaking the wrong language." –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump is right now gearing up for his first State of the Union speech; it’s tomorrow night. State of the Union is the one day of the year presidents are supposed to brag about their accomplishments. So he’s been training for this really for his whole life. --Jimmy Kimmel

According to the Annual Happiness Report the top 10 were Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia, and Sweden. Basically all the countries represented in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Tiger Woods called a press conference for Friday morning. Only select journalists will be invited and no questions will be taken. Essentially, we’re going to listen to him read. Maybe he’ll announce a new batch of mistresses for 2010." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It will be on next month's cover of the Sports Illustrated pants suit issue (That must drive his wife crazy)

February 2013

"The White House officially released portraits of the White House gang. You can all see the portrait of Hillary Clinton. It will be on next month's cover of the 'Sports Illustrated' pants suit issue." –David Letterman

"The Pope does not earn a nickel. No paycheck, no money coming in, nothing. That must drive his wife crazy." –David Letterman

"Somebody noticed that none of the Oscar winners thanked God. To add insult to injury, at his last sermon, the same day, the Pope thanked Harvey Weinstein and Meryl Streep." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only sand trap she can't get out of? Iraq. (kissing babies)

"It seems that a member of the Florida House of Representatives and the co-chairman of John McCain's Florida campaign, a man named Bob Allen, has just been arrested for soliciting an undercover male police officer for sex. He offered to perform a sex act on the police officer for $20. Remember the good old days during a campaign, when you only had to kiss babies? It is so competitive now for what you have to do to get elected." --Jay Leno

"According to the current issue of Sports Illustrated, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has become a 'golf nut.' She's pretty good, too. The only sand trap she can't get out of? Iraq." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Who do these priests think they are -- Scooter Libby? ($660 million)

"Sports Illustrated says that Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is like a 'golf nut' now. She plays golf all the time. She went golfing with Cheney. Condoleezza shot an 83 and Cheney shot two attorneys and an accountant." --Jay Leno

"The L.A. Catholic archdiocese has agreed to pay a $660 million settlement in a sexual lawsuit against Catholic priests. $660 million? Yet, nobody goes to jail and they just get to write a check. Who do these priests think they are -- Scooter Libby?" --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Thanks for nothing, Sports Illustrated (Mike Pence walked out)

After Houston won, Astros shortstop Carlos Correa got down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend live on television. It was a beautiful moment. Although it confused Donald Trump. He was like, “Wait, now athletes are kneeling after the game too? No!” Mike Pence walked out. –James Corden

A Sports Illustrated cover from three years ago predicted that the Astros would win the 2017 World Series. They predicted it, to which Americans replied, “You knew what was going to happen in 2017 and this is what you give us a heads up on? Thanks for nothing, Sports Illustrated.” –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Annual Happiness Report

According to the Annual Happiness Report, do you know what the happiest country in the world is? Denmark. Danish people are the happiest. Of course they're happy, they have a pastry named after them. –Jimmy Kimmel

According to the Annual Happiness Report the top 10 were Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia, and Sweden. Basically all the countries represented in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. –Jimmy Kimmel

The bad news for the leaders of both parties, both Clinton and Trump have a very high unfavorability rating. Hillary is 53 percent unfavorable, Trump clocks in at an extraordinary 63 percent unfavorable. Which, I think, like only Jared from Subway has higher than that. –Jimmy Kimmel

This election is going to be the political equivalent of having lunch at Panda Express — nobody wins. –Jimmy Kimmel