the robot dog can lick its own batteries (improving the experience of winning the lottery)

ICE has purchased four $ 1.3 million robot dogs equipped with thermal imaging, hazard detection, and other sensors. Even more, the robot dog can lick its own batteries. —Greg Gutfeld 

New research claims wives are more likely to divorce than husbands after winning the lottery, improving the husband's experience of winning the lottery. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just put my hand over my heart (78.3 years)

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

I’ve got 20 years of laundry piling up, so, it’s time to call it quits (and all while eating just one almond a day)

February 2022

“Quarterback Tom Brady officially announced his retirement from the N.F.L. on Tuesday, writing on Instagram that other things require his attention. Other things that require my attention? That’s a weird reason to retire. It sounds like he’s got, like, household chores: ‘I’ve loved playing in the N.F.L. but I’ve got 20 years of laundry piling up, so, it’s time to call it quits.’” —Trevor Noah

“And now that he’s put up his cleats, the question is, was Tom Brady the best football player of all time? Some people say yes because he holds all the records and won the most Super Bowls. Other people say, ‘No, because he didn’t do that for my team!’ So it will be a big debate for a while.’” —Trevor Noah

“Now, if we’re being honest, this retirement isn’t a surprise to anyone, right? What is surprising is that at 44 years old, this dude was still dominating the N.F.L. Think about it: the N.F.L., where people car accident each other for a living, and this guy was doing that in his 40s. Most people I know in their 40s are, like, ‘Ah! Ah! My back hurts — I think I slept too long.’” —Trevor Noah

“What Tom Brady has accomplished is amazing: 22 years in the league, seven Super Bowl victories, five M.V.P. trophies, and all while eating just one almond a day.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

When they said everyone is quitting their jobs during the pandemic, they meant everybody (the twelfth-most popular farm animal)

February 2022

“Quarterback Tom Brady officially announced his retirement from the N.F.L. on Tuesday, writing on Instagram that other things require his attention. Man, when they said everyone is quitting their jobs during the pandemic, they meant everybody.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But this is amazing. Brady is walking away with the most Super Bowl appearances, wins and M.V.P.s. It’s strange to say, but he’s basically the N.F.L.’s Meryl Streep.” —Jimmy Fallon

“So Tom Brady did a lot for the Patriots and for Tampa and the sport of football, but he’s also done a lot for goats. You know, people don’t mention, before they were associated with him, they were like the twelfth-most popular farm animal.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

there’s a new retiree about to dominate the pickleball league (Dad Bod Brady. Do it! Give us hope, Tom!)

January 2022

“Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady has retired after 22 seasons and seven Super Bowl titles. So bad news for your dad: there’s a new retiree about to dominate the pickleball league.” —Stephen Colbert 

“This is the most exciting thing to happen to Cincinnati since they found all that spaghetti under their chili.” —Stephen Colbert

“Tom Brady, the 44-year-old quarterback accomplished more than any other quarterback in the history of the NFL, even though he was drafted 199th overall. Which just goes to show you that anyone can be successful as long as you’re one of the most gifted and attractive people in human history.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now that Brady appears to be hanging up the old football skates, the world may finally see what we’ve all longed for: Dad Bod Brady. Do it! Give us hope, Tom!” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry