See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way? (Just Like that)

"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman

"If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m celibate, this is all I have (it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together)

Over the weekend, Pope Francis gave his support to a woman who was publicly breastfeeding. The Pope defended himself saying, "I’m celibate, this is all I have." –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned (by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire)

A lot of people are getting excited about the pope’s upcoming visit. In fact, I read that a priest in Pennsylvania plans to show off a 500-thousand-piece Lego model of the Vatican that took him two years to build. Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned. –Jimmy Fallon

The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor (When do I take my clothes off?)

“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he's quote, 'the worst president of my lifetime, without question.' Then Cheney said, 'But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor (you're the first person sober enough to notice)

“And finally, a man in Illinois is suing Buffalo Wild Wings because he claims their boneless wings are just chicken nuggets. Buffalo Wild Wings was like, ‘Congrats, you're the first person sober enough to notice.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned (They say it’s great if you like Coke, love coffee, and hate blinking)

A lot of people are getting excited about the pope’s upcoming visit. In fact, I read that a priest in Pennsylvania plans to show off a 500-thousand-piece Lego model of the Vatican that took him two years to build. Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned. –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Coca-Cola is selling a new drink in Japan called "Coca-Cola Coffee Plus.” They say it’s great if you like Coke, love coffee, and hate blinking. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor (Indiana Jones has one)

I read about a marijuana dispensary in Los Angeles that doubles as an art gallery. Yep. Patrons stare at the art for hours before being told, “Sir, that’s an exit sign.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned (They say it’s great if you like Coke, love coffee, and hate blinking)

A lot of people are getting excited about the pope’s upcoming visit. In fact, I read that a priest in Pennsylvania plans to show off a 500-thousand-piece Lego model of the Vatican that took him two years to build. Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned. –Jimmy Fallon

They’re offering the debate in virtual reality, so if you want to feel like you’re actually on stage during the debate, here’s your chance, Jeb. –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Coca-Cola is selling a new drink in Japan called "Coca-Cola Coffee Plus.” They say it’s great if you like Coke, love coffee, and hate blinking. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

today she is denying that she used human growth hormone (I don't want to play with you anymore)

 

"How about this? Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire primary last night, huh? It was a surprising victory and today she is denying that she used human growth hormone." –David Letterman

"Rod Blagojevich is going away for 14 Years in prison. His barber got the death penalty." –David Letterman

 

"Condoleezza Rice was in Rome and she visited the Vatican and all the priests were very happy to see her. And everybody kept asking her 'What's it like to be celibate?'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you really want a priest showing up for the last rites with a date? (You mean like...)

"Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century." –David Letterman

"Rick Perry, what a good-looking guy he is. As a requirement for being a Republican candidate for president, you have to look good in a mugshot. I hope this doesn't ruin his chances of being our next dumb president from Texas." –David Letterman

"People love the new Pope, but I think it's safe to say he's gone crazy. Now he's thinking about doing away with celibacy for priests. Are you like me? Are you thinking 'Real Housewives of the Vatican?' I don't know if this is a good idea or not. Do you really want a priest showing up for the last rites with a date?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way? (traffic studies)

"If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad." –David Letterman

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is in Iowa campaigning at a big cookout because this is what you do if you want to be president. He's out there all day telling people the hotdog line is closed for a traffic study." –David Letterman

"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned (That’s just crude and unnecessary)

A lot of people are getting excited about the pope’s upcoming visit. In fact, I read that a priest in Pennsylvania plans to show off a 500-thousand-piece Lego model of the Vatican that took him two years to build. Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned. –Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, the Trump campaign is now selling ‘Fill that seat’ T-shirts. Seriously, someone just passed away and he’s selling T-shirts like they just clinched the American League East. Here’s some advice: if you are wondering how to deal with a job opening when someone dies and you find yourself on a custom T-shirt website, you’ve made a wrong turn. Even long-haul drivers with truck nuts were like, ‘That’s just crude and unnecessary.’” —Jimmy Fallon

President Trump is on the campaign trail. He's spending the night in Las Vegas, which means tomorrow he'll wake up in a hotel room with a tiger, a baby, and a face tattoo. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are you like me? Are you thinking Real Housewives of the Vatican? (This concludes today's presidential lunch update)

July 2014

"People love the new Pope, but I think it's safe to say he's gone crazy. Now he's thinking about doing away with celibacy for priests. Are you like me? Are you thinking Real Housewives of the Vatican?'" –David Letterman

"I don't know if this is a good idea or not. Do you really want a priest showing up for the last rites with a date?" –David Letterman

"Now the FCC wants to update the Emergency Alert System so the president can interrupt any TV program. 'We interrupt this program so the president can tell America what he had for lunch: a good bowl of matzo ball soup. This concludes today's presidential lunch update.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way? (or if God just put the Earth on 'Shuffle.')

July 2014

"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman

"This crazy weather we've been having all over the country — it's because the polar vortex is back. The polar vortex is causing the Midwest to experience fall-like temperatures. I can't tell if climate change is still a problem or if God just put the Earth on 'Shuffle.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"And maybe that's why the FCC just announced that it wants to overhaul the Emergency Alert System so President Obama would be able to interrupt any TV broadcast and address the country instantly. Which of course raises the question: He can't do that ALREADY? They want to make it so the president can instantly interrupt TV broadcasts whenever there's breaking news. Then Obama said, 'And I mean REAL breaking news, not that CNN stuff.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Let me know how that works out for you (he takes that vow of celibacy very seriously)

July 2013

"Rush Limbaugh claims he is now allowed to say the N-word. After hearing this, Paula Deen said, 'Let me know how that works out for you.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis is on summer vacation right now and apparently he's been spotted driving around in a Ford Focus. So I guess he takes that vow of celibacy very seriously." –Jimmy Fallon

"Russian President, Vladimir Putin rode a submarine to the bottom of the ocean to look at the remains of an old shipwreck. And also because 'SpongeBob knows too much.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even that German octopus couldn't have predicted this (his Johnston)

"Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston announced they are engaged to be married. Can you believe that? Whew! Even that German octopus couldn't have predicted this." –Jay Leno

"But here's the interesting part. They're not having sex until after they are married, that's what they said. So let me get this straight. They had sex, she had a baby, now they're engaged and celibate. Isn't that backwards? It's like they're sexually dyslexic." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Bristol said the one thing she missed most about Levi – his Johnston." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”