That’s not a rally. That’s a spin class (Don't make Gods of the a**holes)

“And get this. Today, Trump made his final rally speech before the midterms at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. He also considered speaking in front of the half-built ballroom, a closed Kennedy Center and the Strait of Hormuz, but this was more convenient.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Only 60 people showed up for Trump’s speech at the Reflecting Pool. Yeah. At one point he was begging vandals to show up.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Sixty people? That’s not a rally. That’s a spin class." — Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, with the blue wave looking more and more likely, Trump said that he will become Mr. Veto if Democrats take control of Congress. Mr. Veto sounds like the guy he got to fix the Reflecting Pool.’” — Jimmy Fallon 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What is the biggest threat to our freedom? (Get in line, honey)

President Trump said in an interview that he is now referring to Democrats as "Dumocrats" because they're dumb. Clever. He's also referring to himself as the greatest president of Alz's heim. —Michael Che

President Trump has rejected Iran's latest demands to end the war, including recognition of Iranian sovereignty over the Strait of Hormuz and U.S. war reparations. You want reparations from America? Get in line, honey. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s surprisingly wrinkly (more radiant than ever)

Over the weekend, Iran responded to Trump’s proposal with a list of demands that included reparations for the war and full control over the strait of Hormuz. Tehran also said that it as willing to suspend development of its nuclear program but for a shorter time than the 20 years requested by Trump. Twenty years isn’t even that long,” laughed Colbert. “Anne Hathaway looks exactly the same. And if anything, Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci and Emily Blunt are more radiant than ever.” —Stephen Colbert

The president spent this weekend’s Mother’s Day posting a slew of AI-generated images: some showed Trump surrounded by pink hearts while another proclaimed him “the greatest of all time”. He’s also engaging in some recreational idolatry. There is a new 22ft Trump statue at his Miami golf club. [It’s] surprisingly wrinkly. They forgot to steam out his pants, his shirt and his face. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

including asking him why God didn’t answer his prayers for smaller ears (nice little naps)

Based on Trump’s social media activity, there were only five nights over the last month when the president could have possibly gotten a full night’s sleep. Now, in fairness Trump does take nice little naps, mostly during the national security meetings. —Jimmy Kimmel

The strait of Hormuz has not been reopened. While Trump claims that the US is close to a deal, it is still very much in flux, as in what the flux are we doing over there? —Jimmy Kimmel

Trump has been issuing more threats this week. Trump’s list of threats is now longer than Kash Patel’s bar tab. —Jimmy Kimmel

This week will also see Marco Rubio being sent to make nice with the pope including asking him why God didn’t answer his prayers for smaller ears. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the administration has unveiled a new name for the mission (the cost of owning thyself)

A new poll finds that Americans are overwhelmingly opposed to the Iran war and Trump’s plan to peacefully guide oil tankers through the strait of Hormuz. Oh wait, I’m getting word that the administration has unveiled a new name for the mission. Let’s see, what is it called: Operation Clusterf*ck. —Seth Meyers

A new Ipsos poll which showed Trump’s disapproval ratings at a record 62%, in large part due to gas prices rising $1.50 a gallon since the start of the Iran war. Trump’s disapproval is at an all-time high: higher than Covid and January 6 – a virus and a riot. But I just have a quick question for the 37% who approve [of Trump]. What’s your deal? I get that you’re Maga but what do you actually approve of? Is it worth it for you to pay high gas prices if it means liberals also pay high gas prices? Is that how much you want to own the libs – at the cost of owning thyself? —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s been blocked more times than Melania’s bedroom door (as high as half of our audience here right now)

Our whole lives, the strait of Hormuz has been so wide open, we didn’t even know it existed. We put Donald Trump in charge and in eight weeks, it’s been blocked more times than Melania’s bedroom door. —Jimmy Kimmel

Despite Trump’s claims otherwise, on Monday, the strait remained closed, and Trump was back to threatening annihilation, and the price of gas is as high as half of our audience here right now. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is she still under the table? (key choke point)

 

Congressman Eric Swalwell is also being investigated for paying an illegal Brazilian nanny under the table with campaign funds. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton asked, "Is she still under the table?” —Greg Gutfeld    

Tensions continue to rise in the straight of Hormuz as Iran cuts off a key choke point. Did someone say choke point, asked Hillary Clinton? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”

That tells you everything you need to know (They're literally holding a straight)

 

Today the United States held peace negotiations with Iran. But then, just an hour ago, President Trump posted, "If Iran doesn't agree to peace, the greatest military of all time, ours, will "f" Iran right up their Strait of Hormuz. Asalam alaykum, you crazy bastards." Now, I completely made that up. But isn't it kind of disturbing that you all totally believed that he had posted that? President Trump did genuinely issue a post threatening to destroy Iran's entire civilization and then ended with the phrase "praise be to Allah.” And I know that almost makes Trump sound like he is a radical terrorist. But remember, Trump has already been to a paradise with 72 virgins. —Colin Jost    

Before the peace talks fell apart, President Trump warned Iran about making any more demands, saying, "The Iranians don't seem to realize they have no cards." They're literally holding a “straight." —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”

the human centipede portion of the war (America’s first improv war)

This week marks a month of Donald Trump’s unauthorized war in Iran, and as we all know, one month is the elevated threat anniversary. Trump is threatening to escalate our bombing campaign unless Iran opens the strait that they closed in response to Trump’s bombing campaign. I believe we’ve entered what General Patton used to refer to as the ‘human centipede portion’ of the war. —Jon Stewart

Despite claiming that the war is won, Trump is reportedly threatening to send troops, giving the war “an erratic, make-it-up-as-you-go feel”, as the New York Times put it. Yes, it is officially America’s first improv war. —Stephen Colbert 

Thanks to Trump’s war in Iran gas prices are skyrocketing. Oil prices won’t come down until the strait of Hormuz is as open as Kristi Noem’s marriage. —Desi Lydic  

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”