Those were televised?! (smiling her way through the inauguration)

Oscar nominations were announced today with Meryl Streep

nominated for “Florence Foster Jenkins,” Natalie Portman for

“Jackie,” and Hillary Clinton for smiling her way through the

inauguration. –Seth Meyers

According to reports, President Trump and some of his allies have

raised the possibility that Rudy Giuliani should do fewer television

interviews following his recent appearances. Replied Giuliani,

"Those were televised?! --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

those kids are lying! (silently begging her edible to kick in)

The Trump administration said that Ice agents will now be permitted to arrest migrants in churches, and I can't wait until law enforcement bursts into a church and the priest is like, ‘those kids are lying!’ —Colin Jost

During his address, President Trump said he was changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America and Hillary Clinton, could be seen in the background laughing while he said it. While Kamala could be seen silently begging her edible to kick in. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look to them as examples of intelligence and leadership (No!!!)

 A new study suggests that people can live longer by eating oatmeal for breakfast. No!!! —Colin Jost

President Trump revealed what he called an inspirational letter that President Biden left him in the Oval Office, which read enjoy it, do a good job. Though Trump thought it was strange that the letter began, ‘congrats on being the first black female president’. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It sounds way better on paper (Wow, this Trump cologne REALLY WORKS)

The Women’s March in Washington was on Saturday, and it had three times as many people as Trump’s inauguration. When he was told there were hundreds of thousands of women outside the White House, Trump said, “Wow, this Trump cologne REALLY WORKS.” –Jimmy Fallon

“This weekend the news broke that Biden's chief of staff Ron Klain is stepping down. Yep. Klain said, ‘Look, I hate leaving you with such a mess, but I will anyway.’ Of course, being Biden's chief of staff is a tough job. You have to be able to write and speak in size 72 font.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lingering Awkwardness (as if Morrissey isn’t enough)

I read that Donald Trump raised a record $90 million in private donations to pay for his inauguration. Trump said, "Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee." –Jimmy Fallon

The U.K. just appointed a “Minister of Loneliness,” as if Morrissey isn’t enough. --Jimmy Fallon

"It's rumored that Chris Christie and Mitt Romney are planning to meet to overcome any lingering awkwardness from the 2012 election. Incidentally, 'Lingering Awkwardness' was actually Mitt Romney's Secret Service code name." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh snap, it's Ben Carson (Or should I say, Men of the sea)

Donald Trump's inauguration day falls on Martin Luther King Day. And if Doctor King were alive today, I bet Trump would walk right up to him and say, oh snap, it's Ben Carson. —Michael Che

President Biden announced that a Navy aircraft carrier will be named in honor of Bill Clinton. The carrier will also honor Bill Clinton by being covered in semen. Or should I say, Men of the sea. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, just like last time (then he triumphantly rode off into the pavement)

Donald Trump's inauguration ceremony has been moved inside the Capitol building. Hey, just like last time. —Michael Che

President Biden delivered a farewell address to the nation on Wednesday and then triumphantly rode off into the pavement. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm surprised he didn't add a parental advisory sticker and a do-rag (you ungrateful b*stards)

Well guys it is the dawn of a new era. Donald Trump released his official inaugural portrait and the photo was lit, I assume by hell opening up. Trump is trying to look so hardcore in this photo. I'm surprised he didn't add a parental advisory sticker and a do-rag. —Colin Jost         

In his farewell speech to the nation, President Biden defended his administration's accomplishments by ending every sentence with you ungrateful bastards. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump would high-five him so hard it would break both their hands (It will be the first time Trump has ever paid a construction worker on time)

During a particularly contentious back-and-forth, the Democratic senator Tim Kaine pressed Hegseth over his alleged marital affairs. “You’re asking why Pete Hegseth didn’t tell Trump about how many times he cheated on his wife? Maybe because if he did, Trump would high-five him so hard it would break both their hands.”  —Jordan Klepper                                       

The Village People are set to perform at Trump’s inaugural eve ball. It will be the first time Trump has ever paid a construction worker on time. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He'll be wearing his formal wife beaters (leaving his house with his most prized possessions)

Kid Rock is scheduled to perform at Donald Trump's inaugural celebration. Because of the occasions historical importance he'll be wearing his formal wife beaters. —Greg Gutfeld                    

Climate Warrior Leo DiCaprio has fled LA on a private jet as the fires continue to rage. He was seen seen leaving his house with his most prized possessions Britney and Amber. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So congratulations to his replacement, Chumbawamba (this year’s most popular baby name)

Opera star Andrea Bocelli has backed out of performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration after pressure from his fans. So congratulations to his replacement, Chumbawamba. –Conan O’Brien

Health officials say there’s a new trend of women using marijuana during their pregnancy. Which explains why this year’s most popular baby name is Funyuns. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you (Pride month is different there)

At the reopening ceremony for Notre Dame cathedral, Trump sat next to Jill Biden. It was a rare moment of conciliation that would’ve given this country hope, had it not been immediately been undermined by the returning president releasing an actual cologne belittling and sexualizing the moment. The ad, selling a “a fragrance your enemies can’t resist!” marketed Trump’s cologne for $199 a pop. You won! You don’t have to push merch any more. I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you. —Jon Stewart

The Assad regime in Syria has fallen. So it’s no surprise that after he fled to Moscow, the Syrian people took to the streets, joyfully riding a torn-down statue of Assad’s father like a parade float. Pride month is different there. —Stephen Colbert

This week has also seen the Trump camp reveal that anyone who donates $1 million to the inauguration will win a dinner with Trump and J.D. Vance and for $2 million he won’t bring Vance. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Probably a good move (just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America.)

I saw that President Trump spent yesterday playing golf instead of commemorating Martin Luther King Jr. People were pretty upset — then they thought about what Trump would’ve said and were like, “Probably a good move.” --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee (But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport.)

"Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport." –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, "The Young Pope" premiered on HBO. You can tell this pope is young because when people say, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." He just goes, "Kay." –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Donald Trump raised a record $90 million in private donations to pay for his inauguration. Trump said, "Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport (Being a crappy neighbor: Lesson 1)

Last night, "The Young Pope" premiered on HBO. You can tell this pope is young because when people say, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." He just goes, "Kay." –Jimmy Fallon

"Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport." –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Donald Trump raised a record $90 million in private donations to pay for his inauguration. Trump said, "Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's already being called the best 'that's what she said' joke ever (Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash.)

Donald Trump said after he’s sworn into office on Friday, he’s going to take the weekend off. Unless, of course, he has to deal with a national emergency or a “Saturday Night Live” sketch. It could go either way. –Conan O’Brien

It’s rumored that Donald Trump’s transition team is paying seat fillers to attend his inauguration. Just a word of advice to the Trump seat-fillers: Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas spoke during a court session for the first time in seven years. He never speaks and he finally spoke. It's already being called the best 'that's what she said' joke ever." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama's half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I thought you said ‘mace.’ (Bruce Springsteen cover band)

A Bruce Springsteen cover band is the latest musical act to drop out of performing at the inauguration. Yeah. That's right. That's the situation we're in right now. It is not a good sign when a cover band thinks you're not a legitimate president. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday was the Trumps’ 13th wedding anniversary and I looked it up — the traditional gift for the 13th anniversary is lace. For a second, Melania got excited and said, “I thought you said ‘mace.’” --Conan O’Brien

"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is boobs spelled with two ‘o’s or three? (I’m not a very good DJ)

Donald Trump is causing all kinds of trouble this week. In fact, Israel just had to apologize to Mexico, after their prime minister tweeted support for Trump’s border wall. So not only has Trump failed to solve the Middle East conflict, somehow he’s dragged Mexico in the middle of it. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the DJs at Donald Trump’s inauguration celebration used to be Hugh Hefner’s personal DJ. When asked how he became a DJ for both Hugh Hefner and Donald Trump, he said, “I’m not a very good DJ.” –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump apparently wrote a draft of his inauguration speech himself. A little worried though, because while he was writing, he kept yelling to his secretary, “Is boobs spelled with two ‘o’s or three?” –Jimmy Fallon

After receiving less than 1 percent support in the Iowa caucuses, Martin O'Malley suspended his presidential campaign. In a related story, the New York Jets have announced that they've decided to not play in the Super Bowl this weekend. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, apparently he didn't fly over New Orleans (Rut roh!)

"On President Bush's flight back to Texas on Tuesday, they showed a video of his accomplishments. So, apparently he didn't fly over New Orleans."—Jay Leno

"President Obama's chief of staff has ordered federal agencies to freeze funding on a lot of projects that President Bush tried to push through in his final days. Yeah, so, for now, the National Scooby-Doo Museum remains a distant dream. That's not happening. Bush heard. He was like, 'Rut roh!'" --Conan O'Brien

"I was thinking about the Obama inauguration. It was pretty amazing. There were two million people crammed into that mall this week. Two million people. Not one arrest. Not one crime was committed in Washington. Of course, that will all change now that Congress is back." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

just a second before he takes over, the Republicans get one last screw up in there (Boobs)

"Two million people attended the Obama inauguration, compared to less than 500,000 when Bush was inaugurated four years ago. But that makes sense because four years ago, you know, people had jobs to go to." --Jay Leno

"And there was a stumbling during the reading of the oath, when the chief justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts, forgot the words for a second and then he got them in the wrong order. See, how typical is that? Barack, just a second before he takes over, the Republicans get one last screw up in there." --Jay Leno

"Oh actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington, whose speech was just a couple minutes long, which makes sense because, remember, George Washington couldn't tell a lie, right?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”