the Trump family version of not showing up for their school play (He owns a yellow hat)

Donald Trump Jr. appeared in court on Wednesday to testify in the $250 million civil fraud trial against his father, his family and their company. It’s getting serious. There’s even some worry Don Jr. could be tried as an adult in this one.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Don Jr and Eric testified at their father’s fraud trial in New York. Their father, the ex-president, was not in attendance on Wednesday at the New York courthouse. Donald Trump not showing up to watch his kids testify in a fraud trial is the Trump family version of not showing up for their school play. —Jimmy Kimmel

Don Jr took a page from his dad’s book of gripes with a courthouse steps press conference in which he cried persecution for simply using an accountant. Both Don Jr and Eric claimed that they didn’t know any of the financial specifics; at one point, Eric said: “I’m not a money guy, I’m a construction guy.” He’s a construction guy like the guy from the Village People is a construction guy. He owns a yellow hat. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was a great night for O.J.! (Hop of Shame)

President Trump called the invasion of Iraq the "single greatest mistake" in U.S. history. In response, many Americans said, "Well, second greatest." --Conan O’Brien

It’s come out that some species of frogs have sex orgies. These are followed the next morning by the frogs doing the "Hop of Shame." –Conan O’Brien

One of the big winners at last night's Emmys was "The People v. O.J. Simpson." I gotta say, there’s nothing better than checking out the news and hearing, "It was a great night for O.J.!" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Now Republican leaders are saying they want to see the placenta (He's using a ghost moron)

"Senator John McCain went on TV this week to call Kim Jong-Un a clown and a fool. As you know, according to John McCain, that would still make him eligible to be vice president." –Jay Leno

"Levi Johnston is now writing a book about the Palin family. He's not writing it himself. He's using a ghost moron." –Jay Leno

"Today President Obama released his long-form birth certificate, proving once and for all he was born in this country. But you know, it never ends. Now Republican leaders are saying they want to see the placenta." –Jay Leno

"The good news is, President Obama was born in America. The bad news is, so was Donald Trump." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Want to freak out your neighbors? (130th mass shooting of 2023)

March 2023

“It’s impossible not to read this news or see any of the footage without being heartbroken for all those people and for our beautiful country. Because this is the 130th mass shooting of 2023, and 2023 is only 87 days old. 

Not doing anything about this is an insane dereliction of our collective humanity. And the obvious solution here is – an assault weapons ban, in place from 1994 to 2004, during which time the risk of dying in a mass shooting was 70% lower than it is today. That just makes sense. Fewer guns equals fewer shootings. 

It might be hard, but it’s not complicated. That’s just math. It’s the same reason these days we have fewer strangulations with a landline. It’s a simple, common sense idea that Republicans are desperate to talk about anything else, a Fox News anchor claimed that a common denominator in school shootings was not an AR-15, which has been involved in every one, but a side door. 

Yes, clearly we need common sense door reform. Folks, we can’t stop at side doors. Did you know that most people enter a building at the front door? So we clearly need to get rid of those, too.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It sounds like the title of a children's book about Donald Trump (she's used to faking it)

An MSNBC host said this morning that first lady Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump have been given "fake jobs" at the White House. But Melania says it's no problem for her because she's used to faking it. --Seth Meyers

Everything about Trump’s summit was weird. For example, the White House press pool, which consists of a group of rotating reporters whose job it is to track the president's movements, was apparently transported to Trump's meeting with Kim Jong-un in a broken bus. According to the report, the pool was transported to the palace in a bus with a broken horn that consistently honked on its own at nothing. I will say, "a horn that honked at nothing" sounds like the title of a children's book about Donald Trump. --Seth Meyers

President Trump today criticized officers who failed to confront a shooter at a Florida high school and said, quote, “I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon.” I gotta say, I find it hard to believe Trump would voluntarily run inside a place of education. The only way you would run inside is if a reporter asked you a question outside. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, most of those were for backup dancers for Beyoncé (Great, now do my prenup)

“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” —Conan O’Brien

"U.S. employers just added 157,000 jobs to the economy. Of course, most of those were for backup dancers for Beyoncé." –Conan O'Brien

President Trump claimed that the media is not reporting on acts of terrorism on American soil. In response, the media said, “Actually, we think we’re covering your presidency quite well.” –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump now says that this week he will allow 872 refugees into the United States; 872. Trump says the immigrants will arrive on Friday and start their modeling careers on Monday. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Under Donald Trump’s rule, the only genders will be burger kings and dairy queens (hiding behind the furniture and yelling ideas)

February 2023

“With a few exceptions, Republicans are all dreading another Trump campaign. That’s the central problem they’re facing right now. They all quietly want Trump gone, but nobody wants to be the one to stop him. It’s like when you leave a window open and a bird gets in your house, and your whole family is hiding behind the furniture and yelling ideas.” —Seth Meyers

“As part of his 2024 campaign, Trump is trying to rev up the Maga outrage machine with a heaping helping of trans paranoia. In a video, Trump promised to cease all programs that promote the concept of sex and gender transition at any age as president and push Congress to pass a bill to recognize only male and female genders assigned at birth. By me, your commander in chief and official penis inspector of the United States of America. He’ll be grabbing everybody by the genitals, because when you’re a celebrity, they let you! Under Donald Trump’s rule, the only genders will be burger kings and dairy queens.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because his head is up an immersive experience called his butt (Whose gonna pay for it?)

October 2022

“We are emotionally and spiritually refreshed after a Connecticut jury ordered Alex Jones to pay nearly $1Billion to Sandy Hook families in a defamation case. Jones has for years falsely claimed that the 2012 school shooting was a hoax. You know how as humans, we have to accept the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people? Well, by the grace of God, sometimes bad things happen to Alex Jones. The $965 Million verdict follows a Texas ruling which ordered Jones to pay $50 Million to another Sandy Hook family, bringing his total bill to over $1 Billion. You heard that right: billion with a capital BYEEEE. And that’s it. That’s that story. Lot of other stories to talk about tonight but I’d be just as happy to stand here and grin.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg is having a rough go of it. First, he renamed Facebook Meta, as in he never met a democracy he couldn’t destroy. The company’s stock price has also tumbled nearly 60% in the past year, as Meta has struggled with its titular metaverse, where Zuckerberg envisions, according to a New York Times report, ‘billions’ of people inhabiting ‘immersive digital environments for hours on end, working, socializing and playing games’. And you know how you don’t want to do any of the things I just described to you? Zuckerberg thinks you do, because his head is up an immersive experience called his butt.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, on the bright side, I won my office pool (That's what her words are for)

The government has already begun handing out contracts to corporations to clean up and rebuild the country we haven't finished bombing yet. For instance,  the army awarded a multi-million dollar contract to pay for extinguishing oil fires and repairing oil infrastructure. Who got it? Halliburton. Wait a minute, that name rings a bell - oh, I know, until 2000 its CEO was Dick Cheney. Cheney, that rings a bell - oh, I know, he's the vice president. Well, on the bright side, I won my office pool. –Jon Stewart 3/20/2003

"Newsweek used a photo to make Michele Bachmann appear crazy. That's what her words are for." –Jon Stewart

"I gotta say, of all my issues with Michele Bachmann's brain, migraines are not even in the top 20." –Jon Stewart

"You know what, Senator McCain? Go. There's a Rascal scooter and a bucket of quarters with your name on it over at the Golden Nugget. Instead of playing pretend poker in the actual Senate, go to an actual casino and pretend you know what the government should do." –Jon Stewart on McCain playing poker during a Senate hearing on Syria

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Biden is over the moon (for Gil) - poem

Biden is over the moon (for Gil)

The food I can afford

Is barely keeping me alive

And Biden is over the moon

No baby formula on the shelves

And Biden is over the moon

The water in Flint still

Tastes like hell

And Biden is over the moon

The air in the sky is

Starting to smell

And Biden is over the moon

Nothing has fundamentally

Changed

With Biden over the moon

Here’s 40 Billion more for Ukraine

And Biden is over the moon

No truth, no peace and no justice

And Biden is over the moon

The press pretends not to notice

That Biden is over the moon

Children in classrooms are being

Gunned down

And Biden is over the moon

Nowhere to go but underground

While Biden is over the moon

The price of gas is going up

Corrupt politicians don’t give

A fuck

And if all that shit wasn’t

Enough

Biden is over the moon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, the only person we can rule out is Billy Joel — he’s got an airtight alibi (jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison)

"It's been five years since the economic meltdown. And while even I used to be mad at Wall Street -- at this point, who can even remember who wired the global financial system to a roulette wheel, while jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison?" –Stephen Colbert

At the beginning of the speech, he listed some of the natural disasters we've endured this year. [clip of Trump] "We have endured floods and fires and storms." And Stormys! Don't forget her! She was one of the most expensive disasters for you, personally. --Stephen Colbert

“House Republicans assigned Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia to the Education and Labor Committee this week. Oh, come on! The lady who denies school shootings is in charge of the schools? Why not just appoint Surgeon General Joe Camel? ‘Warning: Smoking can make you dangerously cool.’” —Stephen Colbert

“In the midst of the devastating California wildfires of 2018, Marjorie Taylor Greene went on Facebook and claimed that the real and hidden culprit behind the fire was a laser from space triggered by some nefarious group of people. Who started the fire? So far, the only person we can rule out is Billy Joel — he’s got an airtight alibi.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress (Obama's worst nightmare)

"Every time a kid found an egg, Michelle Obama would make them trade it in for a low cholesterol Egg Beater. They had about 6,000 eggs, and you know who decorated them? Ex-cons. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress." –Jay Leno

"There's now a nationwide shortage of Attention Deficit Disorder drugs. The FDA says it doesn't know how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't paying attention." –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump says he's President Obama's worst nightmare. That's not true. Having to make a decision is Obama's worst nightmare." –Jay Leno 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What do want to be IF you grow up? (Not you, Mr. President)

Yesterday, President Trump said that Obama copied him by calling the Republican healthcare bill "Mean." And then Obama said Trump copied him by spending the last six months doing nothing. –Jimmy Fallon

Actually, though, Obama is taking some heat right now, because it came out that two senators tried to warn him that Russia was trying to hack the election and he ignored them. Trump promises that if he ever gets top secret information about Russia, he'll do the responsible thing and tweet it. –Jimmy Fallon

Nancy Pelosi was talking about her first meeting with Trump and she said that he served pigs in a blanket and kosher meatballs. It's good to know that even the president has a bunch of food from Costco that he is trying to get rid of. –Jimmy Fallon

This weekend, Mike Pence officiated the wedding of Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. Pence said, "You may now kiss the bride." Then he was like, "Not you, Mr. President." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535