Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned (by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire)

A lot of people are getting excited about the pope’s upcoming visit. In fact, I read that a priest in Pennsylvania plans to show off a 500-thousand-piece Lego model of the Vatican that took him two years to build. Well, there's ONE priest whose vow of celibacy will never be questioned. –Jimmy Fallon

The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire (Step 1: Sit and wait for food)

The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire. --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that Meghan Markle is coming out with a cookbook. Since she's a royal, the cookbook just says: "Step 1: Sit and wait for food." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm not interested in politics (an army of pissed-off Swifties)

Former President Donald Trump picked a fight with Taylor Swift and her fans this week when he reportedly said that he is more popular than the pop star, insisting his fans “are more committed than hers.” This fight he’s about to pick with Taylor Swift, this might be what does it. It won’t be Jan. 6, it won’t be the election fraud or the sexual assault or dancing with Jeffrey Epstein, or even fathering Don Jr. What’s finally going to bring down Donald Trump will be an army of pissed-off Swifties. —Jimmy Kimmel

“And unlike your rallies, her tickets aren’t free. People paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to see her — and that’s just here in America. How’s your popularity in Tokyo? And Singapore? How’s your popularity in Gelsenkirchen, Germany? Because she’s doing three nights at a soccer stadium there that holds over 62,000 people even though no one has ever heard of Gelsenkirchen, Germany. It might not even exist.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Taylor Swift is so popular, people want to watch her watching a football game.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I regret nothing (Well, congrats on the payday, Eric.)

There is speculation over whether Taylor Swift would attend the Super Bowl now that her beau Travis Kelce will be playing for the Kansas City Chiefs, who take on the San Francisco 49ers in Las Vegas in two weeks. The whole thing has been great for the NFL and for dads who struggle to bond with their teenage daughters. Swift mania has fully taken over the NFL, he noted, as American Airlines announced it would rename the flight from Kansas City to Las Vegas for the game to AA1989, in honor of Swift’s album and also the last year they checked the bolts on that plane. — Stephen Colbert

It’s still unclear whether the pop star will be able to attend the game, as she is scheduled to perform a concert in Tokyo the day before. It’s just too stressful! Why can’t she just do a concert closer, like Paris or Venice or New York? They’re all there, in Vegas. Of course, I hope Taylor makes it, because I really want to watch the Apple Music Super Bowl Half-time Show starring Shaky Footage of Taylor Swift Cheering in a Skybox, featuring Usher. — Stephen Colbert

In other news, a New York jury ordered Donald Trump to pay a whopping $83.3m to E Jean Carroll for defamation. The former columnist promised to ‘give the money to something Donald Trump hates’. Well, congrats on the payday, Eric.  — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire (Step 1: Sit and wait for food)

President Trump is on the campaign trail. He's spending the night in Las Vegas, which means tomorrow he'll wake up in a hotel room with a tiger, a baby, and a face tattoo. --Jimmy Fallon

The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire. --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that Meghan Markle is coming out with a cookbook. Since she's a royal, the cookbook just says: "Step 1: Sit and wait for food." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

94% of Americans don't trust the mainstream media (It’s like a Detroit Lions game)

We are in the midst of a hell-like heat wave on the West Coast. The temperature hit 112 in Beverly Hills yesterday. That's dangerous. Many residents of Beverly Hills are made of materials that melt at temperatures like that. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Tokyo residents will be allowed to go to the Games but will not be allowed to cheer and they have to go straight home after. Whoever came up with these rules should win the gold medal for buzzkill. Can you imagine going to a live sporting event with no cheering allowed? It’s like a Detroit Lions game.” —Jimmy Kimmel

John Kelly also reportedly said he doesn't care if Trump gets impeached. You know, being Donald Trump's chief of staff is kind of like being his wife. You'll never see him, you have no control over what he does, and it's only a matter of time until he trades you in for a new one. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Oasis - The Hindu Times - Live At MTV Super Dry, Tokyo Japan [2002]

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

GOP launches new legislative effort to control women's pancreases (It’s his version of phone sex)

October 2022

“The Trump tapes have been released by journalist Bob Woodward. Over the course of his presidency, Trump called Woodward repeatedly at unexpected hours to talk because there’s nothing he likes doing more than talking about himself. It’s his version of phone sex.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Why are you agreeing to do 20 interviews on tape with the guy who took down Richard Nixon with tapes? The emperor has no brain.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Adidas has ended its partnership with Kanye West, which was terrible news for people who love shoes that look like severed alien feet.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“As the backlash against West grows – he’s been dropped by his agent, Vogue, Balenciaga, Adidas, and a studio has shelved a completed documentary about him – West seems to be doubling down by purchasing the rightwing social media app Parler. I’m interested to see how this will pan out for Parler – I mean, you really don’t want Kanye West to acquire you. It’s sort of like when Godzilla acquires Tokyo. And the truth is, the right wing has a lot of different sites to post on besides Parler already. There’s Truth Social, there’s Gab, there’s Get Her, there’s hater, there’s liar, there’s active shooter, sore loser – there’s never been more places to go to complain you’re being silenced.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s right, this situation is so dire, Ukraine has become Texas (taunting Godzilla)

February 2022

“This year, the Oscars are planning to prerecord some awards before the ceremony and air them during the live broadcast. The categories that will not get the usual live on-air treatment are documentary short, makeup, hairstyling, original score, production design, animated short, live action short, sound, and editing — although it does feel ironic for the editors to be cut out of the show.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The Kremlin has claimed that rebel leaders in eastern Ukraine have asked Russia with military help to fend off Ukrainian aggression. Yes, they say Ukraine is the aggressor just like Tokyo is asking for it by taunting Godzilla.” —Stephen Colbert

“In response to Russian aggression, the Ukrainian government declared a 30-day state of emergency that will, among other things, allow ordinary citizens to carry firearms. That’s right, this situation is so dire, Ukraine has become Texas.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you’ll have to watch a flight attendant duct tape a drunk guy to his seat (four new variants)

August 2021

“The 2020 Tokyo Olympics ended yesterday, and the U.S. athletes brought home 39 gold medals, 41 silvers, 33 bronze and four new variants.” —Seth Meyers

“Well, last night was the closing ceremony for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, because of Covid, were actually held in 2021, which means it’s only three more years until the 2024 Olympics are postponed to 2027.” —Seth Meyers

“I hope you enjoyed them, because with global warming, even the Winter Olympics will soon be the Summer Olympics.” —David Spade

“Now if you want to witness physical excellence, you’ll have to watch a flight attendant duct tape a drunk guy to his seat.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, you can have spectators? (Don't miss the bus)

July 2021

“The official motto for this year’s Olympics is ‘United by Emotion.’ Yeah, and the unofficial motto is, ‘As of right now, we’re still doing this.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And, meanwhile, as if all the Covid concerns around the Games aren’t bad enough, a bear was spotted inside the softball stadium and is still on the loose. What an Olympics this is going to be. I mean, between the bears and getting a disease, it’s like we sent our athletes to a game of ‘Oregon Trail.’ It’s not a good situation. Apparently, the bear got really agitated after officials made him sleep on a cardboard bed.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a lot of misinformation out there, so I thought it would be helpful to break down what’s fact and what’s fiction about this year’s Games. For example: Simone Biles may attempt a Yurchenko double pike vault and half-on with two twists. Fiction: that’s her Starbucks order.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Next up, fact: karate, skateboarding, sport climbing and surfing are making their Olympic debut. Fiction: Frisbee golf is next, bruh.” —Jimmy Fallon

“And finally, fact: the Games will have no spectators. Fiction: when they heard, badminton players were like, ‘Wait, you can have spectators?’ That’s fiction, they know that.” —Jimmy Fallon

“We’re not allowed to show Olympic footage, because it airs on NBC and that means ABC would probably have to pay for it. And they just brought me back for another season of ‘Black-ish,’ so they’re kind of broke-ish.” — Anthony Anderson, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s right, a bed designed to discourage sex, or as it’s also known, an air mattress (A look back at the Obama Border)

July 2021

“There was rampant speculation on Monday that the beds provided to athletes at the Tokyo Olympics were designed to discourage intimate contact that could transmit the coronavirus. Though the social media theory was quickly debunked, the beds are indeed made of cardboard so they can be recycled after the Games. That’s nice, you finally reach your Olympic dreams and have to sleep on an Amazon box.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, a bed designed to discourage sex, or as it’s also known, an air mattress.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Oh yeah, if there’s anything Olympic athletes hate it’s a challenge. Some of those people can do back flips on a three-inch beam. If you really want to stop them from having sex, do what I did in college and put ‘Star Wars’ sheets on them.” —Seth Meyers

“By the way, it turns out the beds were not made of cardboard to discourage sex, but to encourage people to recycle, which is another way to discourage sex.”  —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Whoever came up with these rules should win the gold medal for buzzkill (It’s like a Detroit Lions game)

June 2021

“The Olympics are almost here, and today organizers announced that venues will be at 50 percent capacity. That’s right, 50 percent, which means only four people will be allowed to watch fencing instead of the normal eight.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Tokyo residents will be allowed to go to the Games but will not be allowed to cheer and they have to go straight home after. Whoever came up with these rules should win the gold medal for buzzkill.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Can you imagine going to a live sporting event with no cheering allowed? It’s like a Detroit Lions game.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Paul Simon 1991 Tokyo 07/14 The Obvious Child

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Today Mitt Romney was declared a safe alternative to Lunesta (Where is Superman?)

"I know you're saying to yourselves where is Vice President Dick Cheney. Right now he's in Tokyo taking part in a pep rally for United States troops. Because when you think Dick Cheney, you think pep." --David Letterman

"In 2036, an asteroid is going to hit Earth. Talk about pressures for President Bush. The question President Bush has been asking himself all day is 'Where is Superman?'" --David Letterman

"It's not that far away -- the 2008 presidential race. Today Mitt Romney ... was declared a safe alternative to Lunesta." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Where am I right now? Japan? (Oopsy-daisy)

Trump then flew to a U.S. airbase outside Tokyo to deliver a strong message to America’s enemies: [plays clip] “No one — no dictator, no regime and no nation — should underestimate, ever, American resolve. Every once in a while in the past, they underestimated us. It was not pleasant for them, was it?” [imitates Trump] “Anyone who messes with us gets what’s coming to them. Just ask Japan. What’s that? Where am I right now? Japan? Sorry. Oopsy-daisy.” –Stephen Colbert

After that, it was time for Trump to meet with Japanese Prime Minister — and guy who really thought he’d be talking to Hillary Clinton right now — Shinzo Abe. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

JOKES: they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy

Hooters is opening a new chain of restaurant called Hoots, where they’re ditching their revealing outfits. They’re going to have male servers and . . . they just went out of business. –Jimmy Fallon 

It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones. Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy. –Jimmy Fallon

Today was Groundhog Day, the day where we predict six more weeks of winter if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow. The groundhog has been predicting weather since 1887 and has been wrong 61 percent of the time. And yet, this is still front-page news every year. So I guess fake news isn’t a recent phenomenon. –James Corden