Wait, you can have spectators? (Don't miss the bus)

July 2021

“The official motto for this year’s Olympics is ‘United by Emotion.’ Yeah, and the unofficial motto is, ‘As of right now, we’re still doing this.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And, meanwhile, as if all the Covid concerns around the Games aren’t bad enough, a bear was spotted inside the softball stadium and is still on the loose. What an Olympics this is going to be. I mean, between the bears and getting a disease, it’s like we sent our athletes to a game of ‘Oregon Trail.’ It’s not a good situation. Apparently, the bear got really agitated after officials made him sleep on a cardboard bed.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a lot of misinformation out there, so I thought it would be helpful to break down what’s fact and what’s fiction about this year’s Games. For example: Simone Biles may attempt a Yurchenko double pike vault and half-on with two twists. Fiction: that’s her Starbucks order.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Next up, fact: karate, skateboarding, sport climbing and surfing are making their Olympic debut. Fiction: Frisbee golf is next, bruh.” —Jimmy Fallon

“And finally, fact: the Games will have no spectators. Fiction: when they heard, badminton players were like, ‘Wait, you can have spectators?’ That’s fiction, they know that.” —Jimmy Fallon

“We’re not allowed to show Olympic footage, because it airs on NBC and that means ABC would probably have to pay for it. And they just brought me back for another season of ‘Black-ish,’ so they’re kind of broke-ish.” — Anthony Anderson, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He could be the first person to star in Space Jam and Mamma Mia (Arizona has demanded a recount)

July 2021

“Hey, I want to say congrats to the Milwaukee Bucks for winning their first N.B.A. championship in 50 years. Fifty years. That’s right, they beat the Phoenix Suns, 105-98. But of course, Arizona has demanded a recount.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The game was such a disaster for the Suns, Chris Paul had to file a claim with State Farm to cover his losses.” — Anthony Anderson, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” referring to the Suns point guard

“The finals’ M.V.P. was Giannis Antetokounmpo, who’s from Greece. Yep, a Greek N.B.A. superstar. He could be the first person to star in ‘Space Jam’ and ‘Mamma Mia.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We report. You just died (they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table)

July 2021

“Today millions of people all over the world looked up at Bezos’ space ship and said, ‘Wow, that thing sure looks like a penis.’” —Anthony Anderson

“They designed the Bezos rocket ship at the Johnson Space Center.” —Tariq Trotter

“They don’t keep it in a hangar, they keep it in the top drawer of a bedside table.” —Tariq Trotter

“I’m not sure what they used to fuel the rocket, but based on the design, I’m gonna say 2D batteries.” —Seth Meyers

“There have been a lot of stories lately about the anti-vax propaganda on Fox News, after one former executive told the New York Times that the network has ‘contributed substantially and directly’ to the ‘unnecessary deaths of many Americans by fueling hesitation and doubt’ about the safety of vaccines. Well, it’s no surprise. It’s right there in Fox News’s slogan: ‘We report. You just died.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”