They said if the election were held today he would actually beat Dolph Lundgren (free thinkers)

"Actor Steven Seagal says that he is considering running for governor of Arizona. It’s looking pretty good. They said if the election were held today he would actually beat Dolph Lundgren." –Jay Leno

"A new poll says 84% of Americans disapprove of Congress' job. The other 16% weren't aware Congress was doing one." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In that case, forget it. Get me Steven Seagal (He keeps a lot of stuff private)

John McCain actually praised Trump’s new national security adviser, H.R. McMaster, calling him an outstanding choice and a man of genuine intellect, character, and ability. Then Trump said, “In that case, forget it. Get me Steven Seagal.” –Jimmy Fallon

There are rumors that Russia’s compiling a psychological profile on Trump to help Putin get inside his head. You know, it’s so hard to get Trump to open up and talk about himself. He keeps a lot of stuff private. –Jimmy Fallon

Oh, this isn't good. Guys, today, Southwest had to cancel hundreds of flights due to mechanical problems. Yeah, the CEO of Southwest was like, "I'm sorry, but two wings seemed pretty freaking redundant." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Your act of kindness has never been, and will never be, forgotten in Ireland (Hey, we don't do anything for anybody)

 

"Congress has approved some version of this fiscal cliff bill thing. Well, taxes are going up, and now, they're looking to make cuts just about everywhere. In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators." –Jay Leno

"Actor Steven Seagal says that he is considering running for governor of Arizona. It’s looking pretty good. They said if the election were held today he would actually beat Dolph Lundgren." –Jay Leno

"Chris Christie also lashed out at Congress for doing nothing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. But in their defense Congress says, 'Hey, we don't do anything for anybody.'" –Jay Leno

 

"Yesterday in New York City, Donald Trump officially changed his political affiliation from Republican to Independent. And Donald's hair has switched from pelt to carpet sample." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I thought the longest day of the year was the time I saw Steven Seagal do Shakespeare in the park (at their highest)

June 2022

“Thank you for joining us on the first day of summer, which is wild. This is the day when both the sun and Jimmy Kimmel are said to be at their highest.” — Sean Hayes, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”

“Today is also known as the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year, which is funny, because I thought the longest day of the year was the time I saw Steven Seagal do Shakespeare in the park.” —Sean Hayes

“Out of all the days in the year, this is the one where we get the most sunlight, so if you were still sad today, I hate to break to it you, but your seasonal depression is just regular depression.” —Sean Hayes

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or in other words, Jeb is America’s Preparation H. (Get me Steven Seagal)

"A girl scout in San Francisco sold 117 boxes of cookies in two hours after setting up shop outside a medical marijuana dispensary. And the very next day she became the youngest person ever to receive a MacArthur Genius Grant." –Seth Meyers

After doing poorly in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, Jeb Bush announced that he’s dropping out of the race. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz are both hoping to pick up Jeb’s supporters. Then Jeb said, “Joke's on you — I didn't have any supporters!” –Jimmy Fallon

John McCain actually praised Donald Trump’s new national security adviser, H.R. McMaster, calling him an outstanding choice and a man of genuine intellect, character, and ability. Then Trump said, “In that case, forget it. Get me Steven Seagal.” –Jimmy Fallon

Actually during his speech at the rally, George W. Bush said his brother Jeb is the guy who can fix the problems that inflame our country’s frustrations. Or in other words, Jeb is America’s Preparation H. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They said if the election were held today he would actually beat Dolph Lundgren (the first Cheney with an actual exit strategy)

January 2014

"Actor Steven Seagal says that he is considering running for governor of Arizona. It’s looking pretty good. They said if the election were held today he would actually beat Dolph Lundgren." –Jay Leno

"Liz Cheney has decided to pull out of her Senate campaign race in Wyoming — thus making her the first Cheney with an actual exit strategy." –Jay Leno

"According to a new international survey, among Catholics Pope Francis has an approval rating of 88 percent. That is unless he comes out with FrancisCare. Then the whole thing could plummet." –Jay Leno

"There was a nuclear meltdown in North Korea today. But enough about Dennis Rodman." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are we air dropping Gary Busey into Syria? (I'll have to ask Larry King)

June 2013

"Actor Steven Seagal is now in Russia. He is meeting with Vladimir Putin. Is this what American foreign policy has come down to? Dennis Rodman is in North Korea. Steven Seagal is in Russia. What's next? Are we air dropping Gary Busey into Syria? Maybe Snooki goes to Iraq?" –Jay Leno

"President Obama says he is renewing his efforts to close Guantanamo Bay. How about closing the IRS? Why don't we do that? How about shipping the IRS to Guantanamo Bay?" –Jay Leno 

"This latest California wildfire is getting pretty scary. But Governor Jerry Brown has it under control. He said he is going to tax and regulate the fire until it gets fed up and moves to another state." –Jay Leno 

"In Pakistan, the Taliban's No. 2 man has been killed by an American drone. In a related story, today the Taliban's No. 3 man said he's stepping down to spend more time with his family." –Jay Leno

"The Supreme Court ruled that police have the right to take DNA samples. Every time there's new technology in law enforcement, people get uneasy. I'm sure people were against fingerprinting when it started in the late 1800s. I'll have to ask Larry King. He was probably around then." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think the Mayan calendar is becoming too commercialized, don't you? (two states legalizing weed)

December 2012

"Mitt Romney met Manny Pacquiao just before Pacquiao lost his boxing match to Juan Manuel Marquez. Afterwards, Romney told Pacquiao, 'You lost for the same reason I did – young Hispanics.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney, Snooki, and Steven Seagal were all spotted at the boxing match. The whole crowd was made up of people we won't remember in three years." – Conan O'Brien

"Today Wal-Mart announced that on apocalypse day they will open at midnight. I think the Mayan calendar is becoming too commercialized, don't you?" –David Letterman

"Did you see the big fight this weekend? It was the first time that Manny Pacquiao got knocked out. Mitt Romney came by to meet him and he actually said, 'Hello, Manny. I ran for president. I lost.' If that is not the world's worst pep talk, I don't know what is." –Jimmy Kimmel

"McDonald's reported today that it had better than expected sales in the month of November. Executives credit the success to increased advertising, new menu items, and two states legalizing weed." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Raw Oyster Vending Machine (disrespecting the flag)

Former boxing champion George Foreman has challenged former action star Steven Seagal to fight him in the ring. And the winner will be our next president. –Conan O’Brien

In France, someone has installed the first ever "Raw Oyster Vending Machine." It's being called innovative by seafood lovers, and the best idea ever by bacteria. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

JOKES: In that case, forget it. Get me Steven Seagal (19 days of fact checking)

John McCain actually praised Trump’s new national security adviser, H.R. McMaster, calling him an outstanding choice and a man of genuine intellect, character, and ability. Then Trump said, “In that case, forget it. Get me Steven Seagal.” –Jimmy Fallon

The Conservative Political Action Conference kicked off today. This is a huge convention that Republicans attend, and this year they’ll have guest speakers like Kellyanne Conway and Donald Trump. It’s basically two days of speeches followed by 19 days of fact checking. –James Corden

During the convention today, Kellyanne Conway shot back at her critics, saying it turns it out there are a lot of women who just have a problem with women in power — says the lady who lied for a year to make sure a woman didn’t become president. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He said there’s no such place as Cuba (there are a lot of bad actors out there)

According to the FBI, foreign hackers have made several attempts to breach voter registration websites in the United States with an intent to influence the outcome of the election or steal personal information. The FBI warned that that, quote, “Bad actors have been repeatedly trying to hack us.” It could be a number of suspects — Russia, China, Steven Seagal. Could be Matt Damon. There are a lot of bad actors out there. –Jimmy Kimmel

The director of the FBI is warning individual states to make sure their dead bolts are thrown and locks are on. They’re using dead bolts and locks to secure voter registration websites? Maybe that’s the problem right there. Those are for bicycles. –Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, Donald Trump has a new scandal to deal with today. According to Newsweek, in 1998 he spent $68,000 on a business venture in Cuba. Which was illegal because of the embargo. Trump, of course, denied the allegations. He said there’s no such place as Cuba. –Jimmy Kimmel

Remember when Mitt Romney almost had to drop out of the race because he put his dog on the top of the car? They were simpler times. –Jimmy Kimmel

Steven Seagal is considering running for governor of Arizona

"Actor Steven Seagal says that he is considering running for governor of Arizona. It’s looking pretty good. They said if the election were held today he would actually beat Dolph Lundgren." –Jay Leno



"Liz Cheney has decided to pull out of her Senate campaign race in Wyoming — thus making her the first Cheney with an actual exit strategy." –Jay Leno

"In advance of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, the Russian government announced that, contrary to popular belief, people in Russia will be allowed to protest. But only in a special protest zone – known as 'Siberia.'" –Jay Leno

If that is not the world's worst pep talk, I don't know what is (young Hispanics)

"Mitt Romney met Manny Pacquiao just before Pacquiao lost his boxing match to Juan Manuel Marquez. Afterwards, Romney told Pacquiao, 'You lost for the same reason I did – young Hispanics.'" –Conan O'Brien



"Mitt Romney, Snooki, and Steven Seagal were all spotted at the boxing match. The whole crowd was made up of people we won't remember in three years." – Conan O'Brien

"Did you see the big fight this weekend? It was the first time that Manny Pacquiao got knocked out. Mitt Romney came by to meet him and he actually said, 'Hello, Manny. I ran for president. I lost.' If that is not the world's worst pep talk, I don't know what is." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”