So if you’ve got weed, he's got papers (Bush gets a spanking)

A new report has found that despite his recent string of gaffes, Libertarian nominee Gary Johnson has four times as many newspaper endorsements as Donald Trump. So if you’ve got weed, he's got papers. –Seth Meyers

In an interview this weekend, Joe Biden described his relationship with President Obama as an older brother-younger brother dynamic. The only down side is when Obama forgets to pick him up from soccer practice. –Seth Meyers

According to a new report, the Zika virus may be able to spread through sweat and tears, which means one way or another come Nov. 8, we're all getting Zika. –Seth Meyers