“It’s so weird to make a hat for a thing that can’t happen. Wearing a Trump 2028 hat is like wearing a hat that says, ‘Super Bowl Champion New York Jets.’” — Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Did you watch the debate with Christine O'Donnell, you know, the anti-self pleasuring, witchy candidate in Delaware? She wasn't that good though. She's not really a master debater.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Did you go and see the 'Avatar' movie? The 3-D blockbuster has now made one billion dollars. Today, the auto industry issued a statement. They'd like to remind people that all their cars are in 3-D." –Craig Ferguson
"And starting today, we get the swine flu vaccination. Doctors are set to receive the vaccination first, because they're the only ones who can still afford to go see the doctor." --Craig Ferguson
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“This weekend, the Northeast could be hit with the coldest weather in decades, with temperatures dropping as low as minus 40 degrees. It is so cold that President Biden’s burning classified documents just to stay warm.” —Jimmy Fallon
“It is so cold, Tom Brady came out of retirement just to huddle with the guys. You know what I mean?” —Jimmy Fallon
“It is so cold, everyone looks like they're in "Avatar" -- everyone. —Jimmy Fallon
“It is so cold, the Empire State Building is six inches shorter than normal.” —Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Oscar nominations were announced on Tuesday morning, and though Avatar: The Way of Water received a nod for best picture, James Cameron was not nominated for best director. Which is what you get for making us put on those dumb glasses for four hours. Another nomination for best animated short went to a movie called My Year of Dicks, whose title cracked presenter Riz Ahmed up. I’d never heard of the movie before. I went to look up My Year of Dicks and now my computer won’t turn on.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“This time, it was Mike Pence, who returned about a dozen classified documents found in his Indiana home to the FBI. Mike Pence has them too now! This is unbelievable. It’s an epidemic. The Pence news was especially interesting, because the former vice-president was specifically asked about taking classified documents home in an ABC news interview from November. Asked if he kept any, Pence answered: ‘I did not.’ Is that your final answer? Because according to his lawyer, they discovered the documents in January in Mike’s kitchen, behind the Pence family mayonnaises.” —Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Yep, as of tonight's taping, it's been three days and nine votes, and we still don't have a Speaker of the House. Before today's vote, C-SPAN was like, ‘We swear this is not a rerun.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“Right now, Kevin McCarthy is so embarrassed, he went up to George Santos and said, ‘Help me create a new identity.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“McCarthy has lost nine times. It is brutal. I mean, there's a reason why you only get three strikes in baseball.” —Jimmy Fallon
“And get this -- I read that some Democrats and Republicans are considering a deal for a speaker both parties can get behind. So congratulations to our new Speaker of the House, Top Gun: Maverick.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Right now, people are betting on which we'll get first — the Speaker of the House or "Avatar 3.” —Jimmy Fallon
“That's right -- as of tonight's taping, McCarthy has lost 13 times. They say 13 is unlucky, but 1 to 12 weren't that great, either.” —Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Kevin McCarthy still hasn’t given up. His speaker battle has become seemingly an endless gripping drama and an epic spectacle. If they made it into a movie it would be called Sad-atar: The Way of Loser.” —Stephen Colbert
“But despite having no apparent path to victory, McCarthy has said he will not back down. In an interview following his defeats, McCarthy assured reporters that there was no way he’d consider not trying to become speaker. Oh, Kevin. Let it go. Don’t you know that one of the most important things about dreams is sometimes they die? Except for my dream where you keep losing over and over again.” —Stephen Colbert
“Meanwhile, Matt Gaetz, one of the Republicans who have opposed McCarthy’s speakership, released a statement criticizing McCarthy’s pre-emptive move into the office: What is the basis in law, House rule, or precedent to allow someone who has placed second in three successive speaker elections to occupy the Speaker of the House Office? I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but … Matt Gaetz is right. Well, I mean, that’s weird, but you know what they say: even a broken clock would be a much better congressman than Matt Gaetz.” —Stephen Colbert
“So far, McCarthy has put a brave face on his historic, once-in-a-century curb stomp. As McCarthy told reporters following the votes: ‘Was it the day I wanted to have? No.’ That’s a pretty mild way to assess the worst day of his political career.” —Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Newly elected Congressman George Santos, is already facing calls to resign because of a growing list of scandals, including lies he's told about his family, education, and his work history. Yep, it's odd when a congressman holds up his right hand to be sworn in, and everyone's like, 'You know what? Don't bother.'” —Jimmy Fallon
“That's right -- last week, Southwest left passengers and luggage across the country stranded after they suffered a major meltdown and canceled more than 15,000 flights. Southwest said that they were launching an investigation into the meltdown, but then they immediately canceled it.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Some movie news. Less than three weeks since its release, Avatar: The Way of Water has already topped $1.4 billion at the global box office. Meanwhile, the Blue Man Group was like, ‘What are we doing wrong here?’” —Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Did you go and see the 'Avatar' movie? The 3-D blockbuster has now made one billion dollars. Today, the auto industry issued a statement. They'd like to remind people that all their cars are in 3-D." –Craig Ferguson
"It was Game 1 of the World Series tonight. The Kansas City Royals haven't been in the World Series since 1985. Things were very different back then. Tensions were high with Russia, Congress locked up in partisan bickering, my career was in the dumps. These are all bad examples." –Craig Ferguson
"Last night the republican governor of Florida refused to come out for a debate. He was upset that his opponent had a fan under the podium to keep cool. Now a governor and a fan are very different, of course. One oscillates back and forth, blowing hot air in everybody's face. And the other one is a fan." –Craig Ferguson
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“There are numerous investigations into Donald Trump, from New York to Georgia to the justice department. He’s under investigation in New York, Washington, Georgia, Peoria, Mayberry, Twin Peaks, Tattooine, Westeros, Xanadu. He’s even under investigation on the planet from Avatar for disguising himself as a Na’vi to steal some unobtainium.” —Seth Meyers
“There is a New York magazine article in which Trump said he’d already decided to run for president again in 2024 – largely, I’m thinking, as a last ditch effort to escape criminal investigations. It’s pretty amazing that when Trump ran in 2016, his slogan was ‘lock her up’, and in 2024 it’s going to be ‘vote for me, or I’m going to go to jail’.” —Seth Meyers
“I for one don’t think Trump needs another get-out-of-jail-free card. His whole life has been a get-out-of-jail-free card. I’m pretty sure Trump could park his golf cart in the middle of the BQE [Brooklyn-Queens Expressway] and the cops would just put a bunch of cones around him.” —Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Let's name the Pope's favorite movies. There's 'Holy Ghost Busters.' 'Dude, Where's My Cardinal?' 'Sistine Candles.' 'Amen in Black.' 'Live and Let Diocese.' 'A Pew Good Men.' And 'How to Train Your Deacon.'" –Craig Ferguson
“Mitt Romney's been out on the campaign trail even though he's suffering from a terrible cold. I'm not surprised he's sick. It's very unsanitary to keep putting your foot in your mouth like that. It didn't help matters that Romney kept blowing his nose into $100 bills.” –Craig Ferguson
"Filmmakers are hoping Pope Francis will watch the new movie 'Noah.' That must be really frustrating, I mean, for people in the theater. Can you imagine sitting behind the Pope's giant hat?" –Craig Ferguson
"James Cameron, who directed 'Avatar,' is in a feud with Glenn Beck, because Cameron called him a mad man. The two are very different. One makes millions creating fictional stories, and the other is James Cameron." –Craig Ferguson
“Mitt Romney's wife said she doesn't even consider herself wealthy. Then she said, ‘If you don't believe me, just ask my chauffeur.’” –Craig Ferguson
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
