If we could start calling it bribery instead of lobbying... (You press a button and it pleads the fifth)

So, a photo shows Democrat Senate candidate James Talarico playing with an Anthony Fauci action figure. Yeah, there's an actual Fauci action figure. You press a button and it pleads the fifth. —Greg Gutfeld 

After Door Dash just launched a drone delivery program, New Jersey thought they were under attack by Iran, but it was just hundreds of pizzas being delivered to Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Out of touch and cowardly (it’s draining energy from his eyelids)

Donald Trump has been snoozing during meetings. To America first patriots, it’s clear he’s simply closing his eyes so he can picture everyone naked. Not for sexual reasons – it’s just to calm his nerves for when it’s his turn to talk. He’s thinking so hard with his brain that it’s draining energy from his eyelids. —Seth Meyers

On Wednesday, Trump bragged about the length of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool by showing it side by side with American skyscrapers. One thing we know for sure is that Trump is definitely obsessed with size, whether it’s sex or construction. None of Trump’s work on the pool changed its size. “These are among the tallest buildings in the world,” said Trump. “If you lay [Chicago’s Sears Tower] on its side, it would take two or three of them to fill it in.” You’ve got to hand it to him: that really is impressive. Or it would be if the reflecting pool was fucking vertical! You’re not allowed to compare horizontal to vertical. If that was the case, I-90 crushes the reflecting pool. This is the stuff Trump really cares about. Renovating the reflecting pool, putting his cronies in charge of intelligence agencies … Meanwhile prices are soaring, the Iran war is a disaster. Trump is screwing us so badly it’s almost like he’s running a sex toy company. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

after drinking blood from Keith Richards (armed, dangerous, and very unlikely to get laid)

To find an effective biological weapon, the US Army experimented with killer mosquitos in the 1970s. Most of them died, though, after drinking blood from Keith Richards. —Greg Gutfeld 

Thieves stole at least $40,000 worth of Pokemon cards from a New Jersey trading card store. Police are describing the thieves as armed, dangerous, and very unlikely to get laid. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Cool! Now she's just one historic tax cut away from a bus pass! (They are publicly buying democracy)

Paul Ryan was instrumental in getting the Republican tax cut passed last year, and on Saturday he was in a bragging mood, tweeting, "A secretary at a public high school in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, said she was pleasantly surprised her pay went up $1.50 a week. She said that will more than cover her Costco membership for the year." Cool! Now she's just one historic tax cut away from a bus pass! --Stephen Colbert

"To all the worrywarts out there who said super PACs were going to lead to a cabal of billionaires secretly buying democracy: wrong! They are publicly buying democracy." –Stephen Colbert

For the first time ever, President Trump indicated that he is open to a path to citizenship for Dreamers. Finally, a way for immigrants to become citizens without having to marry Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and it’s not even in the top 10 most embarrassing things to happen to you this week (extreme intelligence is not a medical term)

Things haven’t been going well for the president. Trump’s approval ratings have slipped to an all-time low, a judge ruled that Trump’s name had to be removed from the Kennedy Center and several artists are dropping out of Trump’s “state fair”. Imagine how badly things have to be going that the real Milli Vanilli publicly rejected you, and it’s not even in the top 10 most embarrassing things to happen to you this week. —Seth Meyers

Trump has been bragging about acing 4 straight “IQ” tests.  First of all, it’s a dementia test, not an IQ test. Second, ‘extreme intelligence’ is not a medical term. —Seth Meyers 

“This is the fundamental problem that Trump has faced his entire life. He brags about stuff that you wouldn’t have to brag about if the thing was actually true. You wouldn’t have to constantly insist to people that that you’re a big-brained genius if you actually were a genius. If everyone was walking around with affordable healthcare, cheap groceries and $2 gas, you could just sit back and spend the day picking drapes for your ballroom and applying concealer to your fucked-up Frankenstein hand. The president is using his office to enrich himself and his family, put his face on monuments and money, and set up a slush fund for his criminal supporters, all while waging a disastrous war that has made life harder for working Americans. There are lots of words you could use to describe it: ‘corrupt’, ‘incompetent’, ‘immoral’. But at the end of the day, there’s only one word that works best, and that’s the word ‘dumb’. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

worrying about the optics (nine-month delay)

This week also saw Donald Trump Jr and his bride-to-be decide against getting married at the White House over fears about the optics. Somebody marrying Donald Trump Jr is worried about the optics? —Jimmy Kimmel

The much-ridiculed Trump gold cellphone is now available after a nine-month delay. The only Trump item more disappointing after a nine-month wait was Eric. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then when the clown gets angry, it is funnier (head to the polls next Tuesday)

"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson

"I really think in all of what happened yesterday, the only person who should be considered a 'loser' is Donald Trump. I'll tell you why. He went on Twitter demanding a revolution. So far no one's listened to him — because he's Donald Trump! After that, Trump tweeted, 'The world is laughing at us.' I'm thinking, No, Donald. The world is laughing at you and this is why. It is because you're wearing an orange face and a crazy wig. This is the uniform the world over of a clown! Nobody laughs WITH the clown. They laugh AT the clown. Then when the clown gets angry, it is funnier." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel (all of LaGuardia)

Kate Middleton revealed yesterday that her children have a pet hamster named Marvin. Well, technically, its full name is Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel. –Jimmy Fallon

A federal regulation is now requiring that airports serving over 10,000 passengers per year have an area in every terminal where pets can go to the bathroom. Or as it's called in LaGuardia, all of LaGuardia. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's amazing when you can get to that level (Take the hint)

Check this out. Over the weekend, Trump's pick to be the next U.N. ambassador withdrew herself from consideration. You’ve got to hand it to Trump -- his administration is running so smoothly, that his staff are now firing themselves. That's amazing when you can get to that level. --Jimmy Fallon

“A cat from Florida that went missing two years ago was just found 1,400 miles from home in Kansas. Yep. The owners were really excited, while the cat was like, ‘Take the hint.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lobbyists who used to just lease a congressman are now buying (At least we hope that was his middle finger)

It's a bullish market. Lobbyists who used to just lease a congressman are now buying. --Bill Maher

"Today 47 million of the poorest Americans had their food stamp benefits way reduced. This is the same day we launched our new stealth destroyer, the $3 billion USS Zumwalt. This is a ship that is nearly invisible, unlike the poor, who are completely invisible. I say if we're going to make ships that are invisible, why build them at all? Why not just tell the Iranians they're there?" –Bill Maher

"Anthony Weiner did not really exit in a very classy way. After his concession speech, as he was leaving, the press was taunting him, and they got a picture through the window of the car of him holding up his middle finger. At least we hope that was his middle finger." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

figuring out who’s homeless and who’s just in a band (Cheney has already gone to Whoville and returned all their Christmas presents)

Portland is planning to offer homeless people a free bus ticket out of town. Of course, the problem in Portland is figuring out who’s homeless and who’s just in a band. –Conan O’Brien

“This weekend 71-year-old former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. The heart is working so well that Cheney has already gone to Whoville and returned all their Christmas presents.” –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you haven't figured it out (That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect!)

A lot of people were saying President Obama was snubbed by China when they didn't have the stairs ready for him to get off the plane. In fact, Donald Trump said that if that ever happened to him, he'd just close the plane doors and leave the country. Every other country was like, "That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect!" –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, the New York Jets are 1000-to-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl. That means if you bet just one dollar... you will lose just one dollar. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's our job to do the exact opposite (that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business)

"The House passed a bill where there's a tax now of 90% on the bonuses that these people get. So, half the Republicans voted against this. They said this is exactly the kind of punitive taxation that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business." --Bill Maher 

It's a bullish market. Lobbyists who used to just lease a congressman are now buying. --Bill Maher

"Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America except he has to show ID when he votes." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion (What stage of capitalism is this?)

Scientists just named a newly discovered beetle after Leonardo DiCaprio. Unfortunately, it froze in the ocean after the beetle’s girlfriend wouldn’t share part of a leaf — even though there was CLEARLY room on the leaf for both of them. --Jimmy Fallon

"After bin Laden was killed, the FBI updated its most wanted list. So on behalf of everyone here, I just would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion." –Jimmy Fallon

It was almost 90 degrees in New York City today! It was so hot, President Trump’s lawyer spent the day fanning himself with hush money. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We have your search history. Do what we tell you. (12 American dollars)

"Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds – or around 12 American dollars." –Jimmy Fallon

"It's being reported that Google spent over $5 million on lobbying just during the first quarter of this year. You'd think Google wouldn't really need to lobby politicians. All they have to say is, 'We have your search history. Do what we tell you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the hottest country in the world right now (close to 50%)

President Trump said the king of Saudi Arabia told him the US is the hottest country in the world right now. He had said we were originally number four but we moved up three spaces after Rosie O'Donnell left. —Greg Gutfeld

San Francisco schools attempted to roll out a new equity program where students can pass with scores as low as 21 out of 100, or as students in San Francisco call it, close to 50%. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you can't contain El Chapo then your opinions are El Crapo (Like using a robot to feed live mice to The View)

So what's the primary mechanism of political survival? For most politicians it’s kicking the can down the road. They know never to deal with a problem when it arises because action always involves risk. So instead they offer platitudes. Instead of solutions hoping the status quo gets them reelected until it's time of course to cash in and become a lobbyist. But today we have a leader who's kicking nothing down the road. Instead, Donald Trump sees the can picks it up and crushes it with his bare hands. Think about it, DOGE, trade, deporting gangs, men and women's sports, getting Rosie O'Donnell on a plane to Ireland. —Greg Gutfeld

According to NBC News the Trump administration is considering taking out drug cartels with drone strikes. Drones on cartels, it's a modern solution to a modern problem. Like using a robot to feed live mice to The View. And even your hands are safe. —Greg Gutfeld

Mexico's president says bombing cartels won't address the root of the issue. Really? Doesn't wiping out the dudes who sling these drugs address the root issue? If you can't contain El Chapo then your opinions are El Crapo. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The good news is, she's now eligible to be governor of Alaska (I'm not a mathematician, but I believe that's a total of 3 whores, right?)

 

"Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer stopped speaking during an interview and stared blankly at the camera for 30 seconds. The good news is, she's now eligible to be governor of Alaska." –Jay Leno

"Yet another family values Republican has been caught in a sex scandal. I love this story: This time, California Assemblyman Mike Duvall (the guy is married) was caught on tape bragging about having sex with two different lobbyists. A politician having sex with two lobbyists. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but I believe that's a total of 3 whores, right?" --Jay Leno

 

"Well, this is depressing. Oil is now over $100 a barrel. Experts say gas could reach $4 a gallon. I believe the experts are named Cheney." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't have a joke for that and I don't need one (his safe word is speak up)

Joe Biden is getting on in years, come on. When he has weird sex his safe word is speak up. --Bill Maher

It's a bullish market. Lobbyists who used to just lease a congressman are now buying. --Bill Maher

I mean Joe Biden is getting on in years, and at the end of the debate when the candidates all try to, you know, get people to contribute to their campaign, Joe invited people to visit his phone number. I don't have a joke for that and I don't need one. --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why are all these young people still living at home? (Perhaps so)

"The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who's a Republican having sex with a woman." --Jay Leno

 

"Sarah Palin was also asked if we might have to go to war with Russia, and she said, 'Perhaps so.' Isn't that like a magic eight ball kind of answer?" --Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich has a new campaign slogan: 'Now hiring!' Sixteen of Gingrich's top staff quit last week, and today, two of his top fundraisers quit. He's not even president and he's already raising the unemployment rate." –Jay Leno

 

"President Bush, talking about the port deal said, ‘we Americans have nothing to fear from the Dubai government running our ports’. I know a good way for President Bush to convince everyone of that -- let the Dubai government handle his security. Hey if it's good enough for us, it should be good enough for him." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”