as opposed to his casinos, which shut down because they did have his name on it (Consider yourself lucky, kid)

“And then we have the president’s war — not the one on Iran, the one against the Kennedy Center. After a judge ruled that President Trump can’t add his name to the Kennedy Center, Trump announced that he’s shutting it down and canceling the planned renovations. Yeah, Trump canceled the renovations. The Reflecting Pool looked at the Kennedy Center and said, ‘Consider yourself lucky, kid. You have no idea.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“He’s holding the building hostage. They really should call it the Melania Trump Kennedy Center.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Yep, Trump is shutting it down because it doesn’t have his name on it, as opposed to his casinos, which shut down because they did have his name on it.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

beautifully maintained and beautifully taken care of (286 days at sea)

Here’s a quick recap of Donald Trump’s low-key actions in the should-be slow month of August: rolling back childhood vaccine requirements, attacking mail-in voting, threatening to demolish the Kennedy Center and suggesting he would bomb American allies such as Oman, as well as all of Iran. 

“God, it never ends with this dude Trump,” Stewart lamented. “I’ve never seen one person work so much and fix so little. It’s exhausting in a way that’s difficult to articulate,” which is why one of the stories from August stuck with Stewart. 

That would be the plight of the USS Abraham Lincoln, the huge aircraft carrier carrying more than 5,000 US sailors and marines, which recently docked in Thailand, rusted and corroded by the elements, after 286 days at sea. 

“This is what we look like as Americans inside after 18 months of this presidency,” Stewart joked next to a photo of the run-down ship. “I want you to think about the visible, tangible, actual, indisputable, factual signs of corrosion on this ship.” Trump, meanwhile, claimed the ship was “beautifully maintained and beautifully taken care of”. 

“It’s not!” Stewart exclaimed. “The actual Abraham Lincoln is in better shape than this ship! A ‘beautifully maintained, beautifully taken care of’ ship doesn’t look like the abandoned bridge near my high school where we used to smoke weed. 

“It’s this, the relentless denial of reality that is one of the elements eating away at the foundational load-bearing structures that hold this country together,” he added. 

The other corrosive element? The memes. “Please make it stop,” a deeply fatigued Stewart pleaded before playing the clip, posted to official government accounts, of Trump crossing out the name “Lake Ontario” and writing “Lake America” in Sharpie amid escalating trade tensions with Canada. “You can’t! That’s not how things work!” Stewart shouted. “You don’t settle complicated international agreements by writing just a new name on the map and expecting everyone to just follow along. 

“Why are we trolling them?” he wondered of the Trump administration’s needling of Canada. “Is that the plan? To troll them into submission?” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and it’s not even in the top 10 most embarrassing things to happen to you this week (extreme intelligence is not a medical term)

Things haven’t been going well for the president. Trump’s approval ratings have slipped to an all-time low, a judge ruled that Trump’s name had to be removed from the Kennedy Center and several artists are dropping out of Trump’s “state fair”. Imagine how badly things have to be going that the real Milli Vanilli publicly rejected you, and it’s not even in the top 10 most embarrassing things to happen to you this week. —Seth Meyers

Trump has been bragging about acing 4 straight “IQ” tests.  First of all, it’s a dementia test, not an IQ test. Second, ‘extreme intelligence’ is not a medical term. —Seth Meyers 

“This is the fundamental problem that Trump has faced his entire life. He brags about stuff that you wouldn’t have to brag about if the thing was actually true. You wouldn’t have to constantly insist to people that that you’re a big-brained genius if you actually were a genius. If everyone was walking around with affordable healthcare, cheap groceries and $2 gas, you could just sit back and spend the day picking drapes for your ballroom and applying concealer to your fucked-up Frankenstein hand. The president is using his office to enrich himself and his family, put his face on monuments and money, and set up a slush fund for his criminal supporters, all while waging a disastrous war that has made life harder for working Americans. There are lots of words you could use to describe it: ‘corrupt’, ‘incompetent’, ‘immoral’. But at the end of the day, there’s only one word that works best, and that’s the word ‘dumb’. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No one steals our precious garbage (I mean, what's the worst that could happen?)

New Jersey officials are warning residents to secure garbage cans as black bears come out of hibernation looking for food. Ah, New Jersey. No one steals our precious garbage. —Michael Che

The women's college-basketball title game will be held tomorrow between UCLA and South Carolina. And no matter who wins, I hope that every one of those amazing athletes find a good husband. —Michael Che

President Trump attended the opening night of “Chicago" at the Kennedy Center, and I think that's cool that the President is going to the theater. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unions are a better deal than textbooks made them out to be (LA continues to be our most flammable city)

“Whether you win a basketball championship, a World Series championship, whether you have an exploding piñata gender reveal gone wrong, congratulations, it’s a boy and an evacuation. Or you’re just protesting the Trump administration’s expanded deportation raids. LA continues to be our most flammable city.” —Jon Stewart

President Trump, meanwhile, is set to attend the opening night of Les Misérables this week at the Kennedy Center. It’s the story of a convicted criminal who struggles to find redemption by going to see Les Misérables at the Kennedy Center. Les Misérables is French for how Trump will feel while sitting through it. —Seth Meyers

The fast-food chain Chipotle is set to launch a new adobo ranch dip. And then about four hours later, you’ll launch it. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think I might have ovulated (Adjust your graphics accordingly)

"Those of you following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a 'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics accordingly." --Stephen Colbert

It’s Donald Trump’s birthday. Seventy-one candles on that cake. Although, Trump later said it was “over a million candles. Most candles ever.” –Stephen Colbert

This year the Kennedy Center honored Carole King. Now the night culminated in a tribute to Carole King with the great Aretha Franklin singing "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." Aretha's so powerful that at the end of that song, I felt like a natural woman. I think I might have ovulated. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's all part of their 'For the last time, we're not Muslim' campaign (I am now 17th in line for president)

December 2012

"The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It's all part of their 'For the last time, we're not Muslim' campaign." –Conan O'Brien

"Gay groups are apparently angry at former President Clinton because he hasn't come out in favor of gay marriage. Clinton said he'd be willing to have two lesbians come by and try to convince him." –Conan O'Brien

"It's a very proud night for myself and my family and my staff and my friends. I received a Kennedy Center Honor. And today the Republicans are trying to block it." –David Letterman

"With the Kennedy Center Honors, I am now 17th in line for president." –David Letterman

"I'm worried about the fiscal cliff in the same way I'm worried about Martians. Every now and then I look for them but I don't know what I'll do when I see them." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan (Hindsight is 2020)

"A South Carolina panel has voted not to impeach Republican Governor Mark Sanford. A fellow Republican, one of the panel chairmen, a guy named Tim Harrison, said, 'We can not impeach for arrogance or hypocrisy.' Well, of course not. There'd be no politicians left if you did that." –Jay Leno

"During the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday, President Obama presented an award to Bruce Springsteen, saying, 'I'm the president, but he's the boss.' At which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan." –Seth Meyers

"Hey, last night I watched Oprah's White House Christmas special. President Obama told Oprah he deserves a 'solid B-plus' for his first year in office. That's a big improvement from our last president, who for the last eight years received a 'WTF.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

At this point in her marriage, this is somebody who's probably used to being embarrassed

"First Lady Laura Bush shelled out $8,500 for this Oscar De La Renta gown to wear to the Kennedy Center Honors. Unfortunately, so did a bunch of other women. At this point in her marriage, this is somebody who's probably used to being embarrassed." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It is in book form and entitled, 'The Way Forward -- A New Approach,' a stark contrast from the book Bush had been operating from, 'Deeper and Deeper into the Hole That I Myself Have Dug.'" --Jon Stewart, on the Iraq Study Group report

"Yesterday, Defense Secretary nominee Robert Gates went before the Senate Armed Service Committee. To win his confirmation, he sought a new approach to impress the senators [on screen: Gates saying he does not believe the U.S. is winning the war in Iraq]. Woah. A two-word honest answer. You had us at 'We're losing.'" --Jon Stewart

I think I might have ovulated

A new poll has found that half of the country thinks Donald Trump's statements on the campaign trail are insulting and offensive, while the other half of the country thinks his statements are “insultante y ofensiva.” –Seth Meyers

This year the Kennedy Center honored Carole King. Now the night culminated in a tribute to Carole King with the great Aretha Franklin singing "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." Aretha's so powerful that at the end of that song, I felt like a natural woman. I think I might have ovulated. –Stephen Colbert