The good news, she was just crowned Miss New Jersey (Great. Now, how do I screen my interns?)

Miss North Carolina lost her crown after racist posts resurfaced where she repeatedly uses the n-word. The good news, she was just crowned Miss New Jersey. —Greg Gutfeld 

San Francisco ordered Apple and Google to remove apps that can digitally erase people's clothes that would show them naked. Great. Now, how do I screen my interns? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll have to find another reason why I spend so many nights eating pickles and ice cream while crying (giant gold neck chains)

A Canadian woman was arrested on the Jersey Shore after she attacked teens for wearing pro-Trump clothing. Luckily, the teens were able to fend her off by hitting her with their giant gold neck chains. —Joe Mackey

The chancellor of a San Francisco college testified that the vast majority of pregnancies are in women. So, I'll have to find another reason why I spend so many nights eating pickles and ice cream while crying. —Joe Mackey

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races (you always want to pick the city with the steepest hills)

After last night's New Hampshire primary it looks like Chris Christie is out, which isn't surprising — he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races. –James Corden

During the “In Memoriam” segment they accidentally showed the picture of a woman who is still alive, an Australian producer named Jan Chapman. Which in a way is a much bigger story than “La La Land.” Sure, it’s bad to think you have won Best Picture when you didn’t. But how about being told you’re dead when you’re not? –James Corden

People got to use a new technology when the ride-sharing service Uber introduced their self-driving cars to the city of San Francisco. Yeah, because when looking for a place to roll out an experimental driverless car, you always want to pick the city with the steepest hills. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You're not MAGA! (my gorgeous new boots/my sneaker collection)

According to a new report, China's birth rate has dropped to its lowest level since 1949. Experts believe the decreasing number of Chinese children could have a devastating effect on my sneaker collection. —Michael Che

A memorial service was held in San Francisco for Claude, a beloved albino alligator at the California Academy of Sciences that recently died. But his memory will live on in my gorgeous new boots. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

but that just got them more excited (aged whiskey)

Residents of a town in Missouri this week are complaining about the creation of a “bondage club” that operates next door to a church. The town filed a restraining order, but that just got them more excited. –Seth Meyers

A start-up in San Francisco has developed a way to make an aged whiskey in just 24 hours. They just put the whiskey in a bottle and put the bottle in front of CNN. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark (Not us! said the New York Giants)

"A flight headed from San Francisco to Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in L.A. today after a passenger gave birth midflight. The parents called the birth a miracle while the airline called it a second carry-on." –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump was named Time magazine’s 2016 Person of the Year this morning. While Hillary Clinton was named runner-up. And when she heard, Hillary hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark. –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Kids, you're both just awful (You're not supposed to put it up your butt)

So, Hunter Biden called parts of Kamala Harris's new memoir, quote, personally painful. Publishers apparently forgot to tell Hunter, "You're not supposed to put it up your butt.” —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new report, San Francisco streets are dirtier than last year with even more feces and graffiti. But officials say there's an upside. It's creating more jobs for people who count feces. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maxwell Underpass and Tarp (Yeah, easy for her to say)

Sunny Hostin said it's odd that Pete Hegseth wants tougher physical standards in the military. Yeah, easy for her to say. She's the only one in The View who can still see her feet. — Greg Gutfeld 

Maxwell House Coffee has a new brand called Maxwell Apartment to better reflect where most drinkers live. They also plan to put out a blend for San Francisco named Maxwell Underpass and Tarp. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the hottest country in the world right now (close to 50%)

President Trump said the king of Saudi Arabia told him the US is the hottest country in the world right now. He had said we were originally number four but we moved up three spaces after Rosie O'Donnell left. —Greg Gutfeld

San Francisco schools attempted to roll out a new equity program where students can pass with scores as low as 21 out of 100, or as students in San Francisco call it, close to 50%. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe a nice box of wine? (now she's claiming she's part Italian)

So Kamala Harris is speaking in San Francisco tomorrow and she's charging $25 for anyone who wants to live stream it, and if you don't have $25 she'll also accept alternate forms of payment. Maybe a nice box of wine? —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said he's bringing back Columbus Day after Joe Biden renamed the holiday Indigenous People's Day, and now Elizabeth Warren is claiming she's part Italian. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

One bedroom, Zero bath starter tent (All it takes of course is a sniff)

According to the New York Times, Joe Biden himself was against trans athletes competing against women, quote "There are administration officials who believe that some transgender athletes would enjoy unfair physical advantages over women. One of the officials was Joe Biden himself." So even as demented as he was he could still tell boys from girls. All it takes of course is a sniff. —Greg Gutfeld

Of course Joe didn't say anything while in office. Perhaps because he needed Rachel Lavine on the White House softball team. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs (No one is going to stop you, there are no doors)

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

There was a big breakthrough in the world of science. Researchers recently created the world’s first human heart using a 3D printer. The heart is made from human cells and “patient-specific biological materials” which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I had the same policy at the Oval Office said Bill Clinton (the statue is so realistic it also does nothing)

According to a new report of US border patrol agent would only let women into the country after they expose their breasts. I had the same policy at the Oval Office said Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld 

A new book claims California governor Gavin Newsom secretly funded a monument to himself inside San Francisco City Hall. Apparently the statue is so realistic it also does nothing. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's maintained by the same construction company that built her face (Now where will I get lunch?)

Hooters is reportedly preparing for bankruptcy. Now where will I get lunch, asked Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld 

Donald Trump is looking to sell off the Nancy Pelosi Federal Building in San Francisco. It's in pretty good shape too, having been maintained by the same construction company that built her face. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The American Geological Society has demanded an apology (so consider it an upgrade)

President Trump said he will send 30,000 illegals to Guantanamo Bay. They'll be coming from Philadelphia, New York and San Francisco, so consider it an upgrade. —Greg Gutfeld 

In an interview Border Czar Tom Homan called Joy Reid dumber than a box of rocks. The American Geological Society has demanded an apology. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You have less holidays than a Medieval peasant (a second carry-on)

The New York Times and CBS released a poll this morning that shows Donald Trump in his strongest position of the primary season. While Jeb Bush remains in the SAME position – fetal. –Seth Meyers

"A flight headed from San Francisco to Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in L.A. today after a passenger gave birth mid-flight. The parents called the birth a miracle while the airline called it a second carry-on." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They just put the whiskey in a bottle and put the bottle in front of CNN (That can be cured)

A start-up in San Francisco has developed a way to make an aged whiskey in just 24 hours. They just put the whiskey in a bottle and put the bottle in front of CNN. --Seth Meyers

Donald Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway told reporters today that Donald Trump is a huge Elton John fan. “That can be cured,” said Mike Pence. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, she has never celebrated Halloween in San Francisco (Captain China)

Today Jeb Bush announced he's running for president on Snapchat. By using Snapchat, Bush's message will disappear after 10 seconds just like the excitement over his campaign.—Conan O’Brien

"It's been reported Marvel Comics is getting set to bring back Captain America. They're going to do this as soon as they get a loan from Captain China." --Conan O'Brien

"Rep. Michele Bachmann once said that gay people lead a very sad life. Apparently, she has never celebrated Halloween in San Francisco." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

one of his best friends owns San Francisco (Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable)

"Mitt Romney said he had no problem with gay people because one of his best friends owns San Francisco." –Craig Ferguson

"Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.'" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I honestly don't know who to believe in all this (No one is going to stop you, there are no doors)

Housing prices are so high in the San Francisco Bay Area right now that a small one-story burned-out home is selling for — brace yourself — $800,000. It comes with two-and-a-half baths and two-and-a-half walls. The house is loaded with fun features like a fire pit out back, a fire pit in the kitchen, a fire pit in the living room, and all the bedrooms got fire pits. Why not save $800,000 and just move in now? No one is going to stop you, there are no doors. --James Corden

More fallout from the Stormy Daniels scandal. As you know, yesterday she released a sketch of a man she claimed threatened her about her relationship with the president. Well, this morning Donald Trump tweeted: "A sketch years later about a nonexistent man. A total con job, playing the fake news media for fools, but they know it!" Trump calls Stormy's claim "a total con job." I honestly don't know who to believe in all this — the desperate, money-hungry publicity-hound, or Stormy Daniels. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”