I read that the show set a record by using 4,000 gallons of fake blood (with … Kevin Bacon!)

I'm very excited about this. There's another new episode of "Game of 

Thrones" this weekend. I read that the show set a record by using 

4,000 gallons of fake blood. Even crazier, the previous record 

holder? "Golden Girls." --Jimmy Fallon

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. 

She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in 

"Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" 

with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who 

was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River 

Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven (wardrobe malfunction)

President Trump’s recent speech at a Medal of Honor ceremony, where his rambling remarks included comments about the White House drapes. The president added that he attempted to get a Medal of Honor for himself, but was told that it would “be bad protocol”. I just want you to consider how many things he’s admitting here. He’s admitting he tried to give himself a Medal of Honor, he’s admitting it’s a bad look and he’s admitting that he had to be told it’s a bad look. —Seth Meyers

A CNN poll found that 59% of Americans disapprove of the Iran strikes, as well as reports that US commanders at military bases have told troops that “President Trump has been anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.” That’s one exit strategy! I’m dusting off this gold helmet with a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yes, I don't (What Would Jesus Do)

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

Former FBI Director James Comey was interviewed on ABC last night, and he said that Trump often changes his story and contradicts himself. In response, Trump said, "Yes, I don't." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters (Wonder Man)

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome to the Internet, grandpa (George W. Bush comedy material)

"President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, 'As I like to tell the 'C' students, you too can be president.' Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

National Beer Day (I'll drink to that)

So yesterday is National Beer Day, which means today is how do I get Lizzo out of my bed day. —Greg Gutfeld

The Supreme Court has cleared the way for Venezuelan deportations to resume. Now how will The Squad get laid? —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile JD Vance hosted his mom at the White House to celebrate her 10 years of sobriety. "I'll drink to that," said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Donald Trump met with the world champion Los Angeles Dodgers at the White House where Trump used the opportunity to deport Shohei Ohtani. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately though his forehead is still available for pickle ball (Welcome to my world)

To keep married men from cheating with her, an influencer sprays glitter on herself because it's hard to get off. In a related story, don't miss this exciting new book, How to Remove Pesky Glitter by Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

Lester Holt is stepping down from NBC Nightly News. Unfortunately though his forehead is still available for pickle ball. —Greg Gutfeld

In England a horse was rescued after falling halfway through a wooden bridge. Welcome to my world said Joy Behar. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives (giving the rich bigger meals)

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

"It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

seen here watching a single mother sell her blood for diaper money (held together by strings)

Mitch McConnell, seen here after rearranging a blind woman’s furniture, gave a moving speech on the senate floor announcing his retirement, which honestly made me start to admire Mitch McConnell, seen here watching a single mother sell her blood for diaper money. —Colin Jost

President Biden went to Walter Reed Medical Center for his annual physical. Doctors said Biden was fit as a fiddle in that he’s old-timey and held together by strings. —Colin Jost

A new trend among parents is to choose baby names that sound cool as TikTok handles. Great news for little baby Trick Shot Covid Hoax. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Your honor, I’ll now be represented by the law firm of Linguini & Clams, thank you (Are you rich enough yet?)

“As was expected, Trump won the caucus tiny-handedly despite barely visiting Iowa. The Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, came in second with 21%, while Nikki Haley came in third with 19%. Still, Haley, definitely wins the award for glass half full of it. After her bronze medal finish, Haley said: ‘I can safely say tonight, Iowa made this Republican primary a two-person race.’ Well if it did, you’re not one of them! You came in third!” —Jimmy Fallon

Trump, meanwhile, still faces several trials without some of his lawyers. His top three lawyers recently quit, including head lawyer Joey Tacopina. He lost Joey Taco! How do you lose Joey Taco? Who’s even left, Vinny Pepperoni? ‘Your honor, I’ll now be represented by the law firm of Linguini & Clams, thank you.’ —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So I guess traveling through Afghanistan isn't as safe as you thought (lay low for a while until this all combs over)

Hillary Clinton was actually campaigning in Las Vegas today. Which is crazy, 'cuz usually when Hillary gambles, it involves national security. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump got in some trouble for saying that John McCain is not a war hero, and said, “I like people that weren’t captured.” Not good. In fact, Trump's people are telling him to lay low for a while until this all combs over. —Jimmy Fallon

"A group of rare snow leopards has been discovered in a remote corner of Afghanistan. So I guess traveling through Afghanistan isn't as safe as you thought." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, Trump just made Kanye the new secretary of Dragon Energy (7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon)

I read about an Orthodox rabbi who recently blessed medical marijuana, saying that the weed is actually kosher for Passover. Which explains why some Jewish people were leaving ANOTHER chair empty for Scooby-Doo. –Jimmy Fallon

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

Today, Kanye West tweeted that he and Trump are brothers and "are both dragon energy." Trump responded saying, "Very cool." In a related story, Trump just made Kanye the new secretary of Dragon Energy. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which one’s married to Kanye? (Yes, I don't)

Donald Trump just gave an interview where he appeared to confuse Kim Jong Un with his father, Kim Jong Il. It got worse when Trump was like, “Which one’s married to Kanye?” –Jimmy Fallon

Former FBI Director James Comey was interviewed on ABC last night, and he said that Trump often changes his story and contradicts himself. In response, Trump said, "Yes, I don't." --Jimmy Fallon

Ted Cruz and his wife appeared in a town hall on CNN recently and his wife said that after they got back from their honeymoon, Ted bought 100 cans of Campbell's chunky soup. But to be fair, I feel like anyone who has watched this election is probably stocking up on canned goods. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean nothing symbolizes America more than... (Linda's Crotch Road)

Marco Rubio pulled out of the race after losing the Florida primary to Donald Trump by almost 20 points. But he still has a great story. I mean nothing symbolizes America more than the son of poor immigrants growing up to run for president and being crushed by a billionaire. –Jimmy Fallon

7-Eleven will hold its second annual “Bring Your Own Cup Day,” where it will give customers a discounted Slurpee as long as they bring in any container resembling a cup. In a related story, Home Depot just sold out of trash cans. –Jimmy Fallon

A town in Maine is facing pressure to rename a street called Katie's Crotch Road. Lawmakers said that they understood people's concerns and announced the street's new name: Linda's Crotch Road. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels…82 times. Maybe 90! (Don't you dare tell me how to freedom)

But it wasn’t all bad news for Cam Newton. He was named the NFL's Most Valuable Player at the NFL Honors on Saturday night. The ceremony went well, but it got weird when the Denver Broncos' defense took the award out of his hands and ran it for a touchdown. –Jimmy Fallon

After Peyton Manning was asked about his future, he responded by saying, "I'll drink a lot of Budweiser tonight." Which is why today, he signed endorsement deals with Tylenol, Gatorade, and a tattoo removal clinic. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump's speech was over 5,000 words long. To give you an idea of how many that is, that's roughly the same word count as Adam Levine's chest. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right. Trump spoke for 82 minutes. He was like, [Fallon as Trump], "Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels… 82 times. Maybe 90!" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was in charge of a state where some maniac was hiding stolen nuclear secrets? (Don't you dare tell me how to freedom)

November 2022

A 25 year old from Florida will become the first Gen-Z member of congress. Younger, said Matt Gaetz. —Colin Jost

Rupert Murdoch this week officially turned on Donald Trump. First, the New York Post ran a cover calling Ron DeSantis, Ron DeFuture, even though Ron DeFuture sounds more like a drag queen from outer space. Then on Thursday, the New York Post showed Donald Trump as an egg sitting on a wall with the headline, Trumpty Dumpty, which had to be the easiest Photoshop job in history. And now Trump is threatening to reveal unflattering information about DeSantis. For example, did you know Ron DeSantis is in charge of a state where some maniac was hiding stolen nuclear secrets? —Colin Jost

A woman in Delaware won $400,000 after hitting back to back Lottos in the same day. But the woman is still going to keep her day job. Forging lottery tickets. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It has all the essential food groups: bacon, foil, and yellow (Get ready for some crazy sh*t)

July 2022

“The legislative bombshell that shocked Washington: Joe Manchin, the centrist Democrat who has repeatedly thwarted the Biden administration’s efforts to pass the Build Back Better plan, announced Wednesday that he would support a bill to address the climate crisis. The $369 Billion package aiming to reduce US carbon emissions by 40% by 2030, part of a larger measure known as the Inflation Reduction Act, pays for itself with a 15% corporate minimum tax rate on billion-dollar companies or larger and funding to beef up tax enforcement for the wealthiest Americans. Finally, the mega-rich will have to pay any taxes at all. It’s got Elon Musk so scared, he is as white as a ghost.” —Stephen Colbert

“Joe Manchin’s support for the bill is a marked departure from his holdout positions even days earlier. So what happened? Turns out Manchin was visited by the ghost of climate future.” —Stephen Colbert

“With a little more hope for our planet, we can now rest easy and freak out about the economy, amid news that the economy shrank for the second quarter in a row, raising fears that the US could enter a recession. That’s on top of record inflation, which has hit even the bacon, egg and cheese. The price of the beloved New York bodega staple has increased from $2.50 to $4.50 – which is a tough blow to city consumers, because the sandwich, a diet staple, has all the essential food groups: bacon, foil, and yellow”. —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s just nice to see Fox News get rid of something for reasons other than sexual harassment (Yeah, I'm drunk)

But I guess this investigation is also a big deal. Democrats are hoping that this will lead to impeachment. Republicans, on the other hand, are secretly hoping ... that this will lead to impeachment. –James Corden

According to a new report, Uber is developing a technology that would allow its app to determine if users are drunk. The new technology evaluates walking speed, whether the phone is swaying, and if you've made any typos. Now, look. Let's take the mystery out of this, Uber. It's 2:00 a.m., I'm standing outside a bar, and I typed in my destination as Taco Bell. Yeah, I'm drunk. --James Corden

In a new branding initiative announced today, the Fox News channel has said that it’s getting rid of its longtime slogan “Fair and Balanced.” Yeah, they’re getting rid of that. Here is an idea. If Fox News really wants to be accurate, shouldn’t they just really drop the part that says news? But then again, it’s just nice to see Fox get rid of something for reasons other than sexual harassment. –James Corden

It is President Donald Trump’s birthday today, he’s 71 years old today. I’m just glad, I’m glad Donald Trump can finally have a day where he’s the center of attention. It must be hard to shop for Trump. What do you get the man who has everything? I know, I know something he doesn’t have, the popular vote. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives (Their concerts are free, but earplugs cost $200)

"A study found Americans spend $1.2 trillion every year on stuff they don’t need. Or as Republicans call it, health care." –Jimmy Fallon

Former presidential candidates Martin O'Malley and Mike Huckabee might actually be starting a bipartisan band together. The band has a great way to make money: Their concerts are free, but earplugs cost $200. –Jimmy Fallon

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

"It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”