In the middle of an economic meltdown and you’re getting all philosophical? (the same tagline as season 3 of Squid Game)

Mr. President, now is the time to soothe a worried nation. Donald Trump put this out on social media. "Don't be weak. Don't be stupid. Don't be a ‘Panican’. Which he has termed a new party based on weak and stupid people. Panican? The genius who gave us classics like Sleepy Joe and Crooked Hillary just shit out, you're a Panican? How about Hysterocrats? Repussicans? How about how about Cryontologists? Did the overseas factory you had been sourcing your nicknames from get shut down during the tariff war? —Jon Stewart

President Trump is holding firm, posting on Truth Social, "Only the weak will fail.” What are you doing? Your economic policy has the same tagline as season 3 of Squid Game? That's supposed to make us feel better? —Jon Stewart

Right-wing conservatives are telling us to calm down and not to panic. When did the right become so chill? Aren't you the "Bud Light's turning my kids trans" folks? But in the middle of an economic meltdown and you’re getting all philosophical? —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Guests love it until the couple's first dance is a 45-minute song by Phish (23,000 years)

That's right, more people are handing out weed at their wedding. Guests love it until the couple's first dance is a 45-minute song by Phish. --Jimmy Fallon

After Peyton Manning was asked about his future, he responded by saying, "I'll drink a lot of Budweiser tonight." Which is why today, he signed endorsement deals with Tylenol, Gatorade, and a tattoo removal clinic. –Jimmy Fallon

The Patriots celebrated their big Super Bowl win up in Boston. But I read that Tom Brady is still trying to track down his jersey that went missing after the game. Then O.J. said, “Whatever you do, just don’t try to STEAL it back.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because my wife's family owns Budweiser (I honked in Ottawa)

"Due to the current crisis on Wall Street, President Bush announced just a few hours ago that he's canceled a trip to Alabama. That's true. Yeah, Bush said, 'Under the circumstances, I didn't think it was right to leave the country.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of John McCain, in his speech today, John McCain said that illegal Irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. Yeah. When asked why, McCain said, 'Because my wife's family owns Budweiser.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush gave an optimistic speech about the economy, even though the dollar fell even more, oil hit record highs and jobs continue to be lost. Yeah. So when asked what part of the economy is working, Bush said, 'Hookers are doing well.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: FAIL: Budweiser’s Laughable New Hyper-Patriotic Commercial

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

That was during my embarrassing pre-hooker days (scared to put the rub on it)

"It's now being reported that the former governor of New Jersey took part in several threesomes involving his wife and his chauffeur. Yeah. So, it's your move, Eliot Spitzer. --Conan O'Brien

"In New Jersey today, there were dangerous winds, with gusts up to 50 miles an hour. The winds were so strong that they blew former Governor McGreevey off his chauffeur." –Conan O'Brien

"There are technically now so many sex scandals in New York, it's hard for me to keep track of them. Are you having the same trouble? Every day you pick up the paper, there's a new revelation. This is the latest. Today, it was revealed that Eliot Spitzer's call girl, Ashley Dupre, appeared in a 'Girls Gone Wild' video when she was 18. Yeah, when asked about it, Ashley said, 'That was during my embarrassing pre-hooker days.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of John McCain, in his speech today, John McCain said that illegal Irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. Yeah. When asked why, McCain said, 'Because my wife's family owns Budweiser.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels…82 times. Maybe 90! (Don't you dare tell me how to freedom)

But it wasn’t all bad news for Cam Newton. He was named the NFL's Most Valuable Player at the NFL Honors on Saturday night. The ceremony went well, but it got weird when the Denver Broncos' defense took the award out of his hands and ran it for a touchdown. –Jimmy Fallon

After Peyton Manning was asked about his future, he responded by saying, "I'll drink a lot of Budweiser tonight." Which is why today, he signed endorsement deals with Tylenol, Gatorade, and a tattoo removal clinic. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump's speech was over 5,000 words long. To give you an idea of how many that is, that's roughly the same word count as Adam Levine's chest. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right. Trump spoke for 82 minutes. He was like, [Fallon as Trump], "Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels… 82 times. Maybe 90!" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because my wife's family owns Budweiser (It starts with mom)

"Everybody is trying to find out more about Sarah Palin. Everybody is trying to find out who she is. This is the latest. This week, true story, someone was able to hack into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! email account because she hadn't taken the proper security measures. Yeah. So, folks, it's official. No one in the Palin family uses protection. This is a problem. It starts with mom." --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of John McCain, in his speech today, John McCain said that illegal Irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. Yeah. When asked why, McCain said, 'Because my wife's family owns Budweiser.'" --Conan O'Brien

​​"Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers (Just The Tip)

November 2012

"According to poll data, President Obama's victory on Tuesday was due largely to his popularity with both college students and the unemployed. So basically Obama became President the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers." –Seth Meyers

"After this week's election 19 women will now hold seats in the Senate, which is the highest number ever. And no one is happier about it than the pantsuit industry." –Seth Meyers

"CIA director General David Petraeus resigned Friday after it was revealed he was having an affair with the woman who wrote his biography, 'All In.' Of course when they first started working on the book, it was called, 'Just The Tip.'" –Seth Meyers

"Navy officials said Thursday that seven members of SEAL Team 6, the elite unit that killed Osama Bin Laden, were given career-ending reprimands after they disclosed operational secrets to the makers of the videogame "Medal of Honor." Now everyone knows Bin Laden was killed by A, B, A, B, up, down, right trigger, left trigger." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What have you done with Eisenhower? (Martin Luther King of Beers)

"Of course, President Obama has invited Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the policeman who arrested him to the White House. Reportedly, Obama is going to serve them Budweiser. And in the spirit of racial harmony, Budweiser is changing its nickname from the 'King of Beers' to the 'Martin Luther King of Beers.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday at the White House, President Obama took part in an online Q & A session with a group of senior citizens. The most common question the seniors asked Obama was, 'What have you done with Eisenhower?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, of course, on Fox News commentator Glenn Beck said that he believes President Obama is a racist. Well, to be fair, every time you watch Glenn Beck, it does get a little easier to hate white people." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Apparently his father couldn't get him out of it (He got a great deal on Morgan Stanley)

"Speaking of John McCain, in his speech today, John McCain said that illegal irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. Yeah. When asked why, McCain said, 'Because my wife's family owns Budweiser.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Exciting stuff going on over at the United Nations earlier today. President Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Apparently his father couldn't get him out of it." --David Letterman

"All these world leaders, while they're in New York City over there at the U.N., in their free time they're doing some shopping. The Japanese premiere, for example, earlier today got a great deal on Morgan Stanley." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Experts say the meeting took 90 seconds (my wife's family owns Budweiser)

"Earlier today, Governor Sarah Palin held a meeting with several leaders from other countries to showcase her foreign policy expertise. That's right, yeah. Experts say the meeting took 90 seconds." --Conan O'Brien



"Speaking of John McCain, in his speech today, John McCain said that illegal irish immigrants in America should be allowed to become citizens. Yeah. When asked why, McCain said, 'Because my wife's family owns Budweiser.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Exciting stuff going on over at the United Nations earlier today. President Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Apparently his father couldn't get him out of it." --David Letterman



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

So starting in June, you’re not an alcoholic — you’re a patriot.

Budweiser announced that this summer they will rename their beer "America." So starting in June, you’re not an alcoholic — you’re a patriot. –Conan O’Brien

NASA scientists have discovered over 1,200 planets that are possibly habitable — where humans could live. In other words, if Donald Trump does become president, Canada’s not your only option. –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, a man broke the world record for "Donkey Kong," making it through the entire game using up just one life. That’s right — his own. –Conan O’Brien