Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels…82 times. Maybe 90! (Don't you dare tell me how to freedom)

But it wasn’t all bad news for Cam Newton. He was named the NFL's Most Valuable Player at the NFL Honors on Saturday night. The ceremony went well, but it got weird when the Denver Broncos' defense took the award out of his hands and ran it for a touchdown. –Jimmy Fallon

After Peyton Manning was asked about his future, he responded by saying, "I'll drink a lot of Budweiser tonight." Which is why today, he signed endorsement deals with Tylenol, Gatorade, and a tattoo removal clinic. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump's speech was over 5,000 words long. To give you an idea of how many that is, that's roughly the same word count as Adam Levine's chest. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right. Trump spoke for 82 minutes. He was like, [Fallon as Trump], "Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels… 82 times. Maybe 90!" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I could have slept with Stormy Daniels… 82 times. Maybe 90! (roughly the same word count as Adam Levine's chest)

That's right. Trump spoke for 82 minutes. He was like, Fallon as Trump, "Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels… 82 times. Maybe 90!" --Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump's speech was over 5,000 words long. To give you an idea of how many that is, that's roughly the same word count as Adam Levine's chest. --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, I read that Trump's childhood home in Queens is going up for sale. Just to mess with him, Nancy Pelosi's gonna buy it and turn it into a Mexican restaurant. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow (Hershey's Just the Tips)

Hey, at one point in the game, I saw Tom Brady yelled out, "Reagan, Reagan," and the Patriots ran the ball to the right. Did you see that? Then later, the Rams ran a play called Trump, and they got sacked by Nancy Pelosi. --Jimmy Fallon

Oh, you guys, I'm now being told that during that last joke, five more Democrats announced they're running for president, and the Rams just punted again. For fun. They just did it for fun. --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- In a recent intelligence briefing, Trump thought Nepal was part of India. Then later Trump was like, "I know exactly where Nepal is." It's right in the middle of Adam Levine's chest. Yes, he has two. He has two Nepals." --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, the CEO of Hershey says that they're fixing the way they make Kisses so that the tips don't get broken off. That's a good move, because nobody was buying their new product, Hershey's Just the Tips. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You've got to be kidding me. I'm going back in? (Maybe there are two of them in the world)

Well, while you guys were clapping, the Rams punted six more times. Last night was Super Bowl LIII, and 53 is also how many people stayed awake for the whole thing. That's right -- The Rams only scored 3 points, and they were totally shut out in the second half. They said it was a little tough to concentrate after seeing Adam Levine's nipples. --Jimmy Fallon

But the Rams did set a new record for punts. This is the first time I've ever seen a punter on the sideline breathing into an oxygen mask. "You've got to be kidding me. I'm going back in?" --Jimmy Fallon

That's right -- Rams quarterback Jared Goff just couldn't score. Americans said, "If we wanted to see a football player who can't score, we'd watch Colton on 'The Bachelor.'" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Choose your torch wisely (Well, the word ‘lit’ is ruined)

Today, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announced he's retiring, which means President Trump will pick his replacement. When asked which judge he'll choose, Trump said either Adam Levine or Blake Shelton. --Jimmy Fallon

After 30 years on the bench, Kennedy is retiring from the Supreme Court. He's 81 years old, so he's going to go from sitting around in a robe all day to sitting around in a robe all day. --Jimmy Fallon

After Kennedy announced his retirement, Donald Trump Jr. sent a tweet. And this is real — it said, “OMG! Just when you thought this week couldn't get more lit… I give you Anthony Kennedy's retirement from #SCOTUS.” Everyone who read that was like, “Well, the word ‘lit’ is ruined.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”