I don't know if they even make these parts anymore (It’s called “YOU Try It First.”)

“This morning, President Biden went to Walter Reed for his annual physical exam. And let's just say Vice President Harris seemed a little too eager to hear the results. Yeah, it's never good when the doctor examining you is like, ‘I don't know if they even make these parts anymore.’” —Jimmy Fallon

Engineers have crafted a futuristic jetpack that lets you fly up to 10,000 feet in the air. It even has a cool name: It’s called “YOU Try It First.” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

no nurse can tell him to turn his head and cough unless she's a solid eight (time of death)

So earlier today at Walter Reed Medical Center President Trump got his annual physical. It was a refreshing change for the doctors who after the last four years didn't have to record time of death. —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile at the physical Trump said it was nice to drop his pants without having to pay someone hush money. Although he stipulated that no nurse can tell him to turn his head and cough unless she's a solid eight. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a Chernobyl of opportunity right now (squeezing HIS balls for a change)

President Trump posted on Truth Social that he would undergo his annual physical examination at Walter Reed medical center on Friday. I bet it’s going to be an excellent report. Let me guess: his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary, his blood pressure is astonishing and he is by far the healthiest president to successfully tank the world economy overnight. I will say, after all he’s put us through, it will be nice to know that on Friday, somebody will be squeezing his balls for a change. —Jimmy Kimmel

Trump used to say, “There’s a lot of opportunity in the bad times.” And now there’s nothing but opportunity as far as the eye can see. It’s a Chernobyl of opportunity right now. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

seen here watching a single mother sell her blood for diaper money (held together by strings)

Mitch McConnell, seen here after rearranging a blind woman’s furniture, gave a moving speech on the senate floor announcing his retirement, which honestly made me start to admire Mitch McConnell, seen here watching a single mother sell her blood for diaper money. —Colin Jost

President Biden went to Walter Reed Medical Center for his annual physical. Doctors said Biden was fit as a fiddle in that he’s old-timey and held together by strings. —Colin Jost

A new trend among parents is to choose baby names that sound cool as TikTok handles. Great news for little baby Trick Shot Covid Hoax. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congratulations, your baby’s worth three times as much now (I don't know if they even make these parts anymore)

During a recent rally in Louisiana, Donald Trump actually autographed someone’s baby. Even crazier, when he handed the baby back to the parents, Trump said, “Congratulations, your baby’s worth three times as much now." –Jimmy Fallon

“This morning, President Biden went to Walter Reed for his annual physical exam. And let's just say Vice President Harris seemed a little too eager to hear the results. Yeah, it's never good when the doctor examining you is like, ‘I don't know if they even make these parts anymore.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, to them this must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with A.O.C. (You’ve been health’d!)

July 2020

On President Trump’s first public appearance in a mask during a weekend visit to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. “And look, I’m glad that Trump finally put a mask on, but it’s got to be confusing for his supporters who have been mocking face masks this whole time. I mean, to them this must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with A.O.C.” — Trevor Noah

“And I know that is part of the reason Trump resisted wearing the mask for so long is because he is self-conscious about his image, all right? That is why he didn’t want to do it. So let me go on record as saying: President Trump, don’t listen to any of the haters out there, saying you look like a diabetic Bane or Shredder from ‘The Ninja Turtles’ if all he shredded was cheese. You look great, so please keep wearing that mask.”— Trevor Noah

“And I just wanna say: Ha-ha! Fell for it, sucker. This was all the long con. We’ve been wearing ’em just to get you to look stupid. You’ve been health’d.” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

we’re just a few days away from Trump claiming that he was the first person to wear a mask (Wage Stealers)

July 2020

On President Trump’s first public appearance in a mask during a weekend visit to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. “Yeah, it was a really smart move — if today were March 13th. You know, we’re just a few days away from Trump claiming that he was the first person to wear a mask.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Years from now, that mask will be in the Smithsonian, and none of us will be able to see it because we’ll still be in lockdown.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Wow, only four months too late. What’s he going to do next, drag his Christmas tree out to the curb? Start making sourdough starter and watching ‘Tiger King’? Govern?” — Seth Meyers

“It took Trump just as long to learn that masks work as it did for him to learn that Lincoln was a Republican.” — Seth Meyers

“A few hours later, he was wearing it as a banana hammock.” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's hard for us civilians to understand the kind of sacrifice it takes for a congressman to respond to a Washington Post article (Options. Just sayin')

"Those brave Americans who put themselves in harm's way. I'm talking, of course, about the members of Congress who toured Walter Reed last week. Someone had to have the courage to walk through that hospital and then have the press document their disapproval. These folks have been fighting to improve the conditions for our wounded soldiers ever since the very beginning of two weeks ago. It's hard for us civilians to understand the kind of sacrifice it takes for a congressman to respond to a Washington Post article, so let me put this into perspective for you: They can't just look out their window to see what's happening at Walter Reed. No, they have to get into a car. Walter Reed hospital is more than six miles from the Capitol. Getting to Walter Reed from the Capitol is a march through hell, that evidently takes more than four years to make." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How the GOP tax plan gives to the rich and makes you pay for it! (walls dripping with medicine)

"Why aren't we hearing the other side of this issue? Yes, there is tons of black mold growing in the walls where we house our wounded soldiers. But nobody mentions, mold can be used to make cheese and penicillin. You might say Walter Reed's walls are dripping with medicine." --Jon Stewart

"President Bush has said no one supports the troops more than him. So, if you take him at his word -- and I see no reason not to -- anyone leaving the army is necessarily going into a less supportive environment, and that can't be an easy transition. [These shoddy conditions] are a halfway house, so that soldiers can get accustomed to their terrifying, new Bushless world. You just can't throw them back to their family and friends, where God knows what will happen to them. You need to ease them into it with six months to a year of squalid aftercare in some type of bureaucratic limbo." --Daily Show correspondent John Oliver

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They always see the glass as 80% guilty (Feeling GREAT yet?)

"In the Valerie Plame case, Scooter Libby was found not guilty ... on one of the five charges. But the media is instead focusing, of course, on the four counts of perjury, lying to the FBI and obstruction of justice for which Libby was convicted. It's typical. They always see the glass as 80% guilty." --Stephen Colbert

"We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story -- turns out, it's us. In a bombshell story, the Washington Post has reported that several buildings at the military's Walter Reed Medical Center are so poorly maintained that they are pits riddled with water damage, black mold, and in the case of the notorious Building 18, rampant infestation of cockroaches and rodents at Walter Reed. I can understand this kind of thing if you were running, I don't know, some kind of fast-food restaurant. Or, let's say, a hospital for cockroaches that had been injured in some kind of vermin battle." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed (what are we talking about again?)

"Yesterday, I. Lewis Libby, a.k.a. 'The Scooter', the vice president's chief of staff found guilty on four of five counts ranging from obstruction of justice to lying to a grand jury. Yes, we got the guy -- the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed." --Jon Stewart

"The man who lied to the FBI about whether the president secretly declassified files so the vice president could pass the identity of an undercover CIA agent to reporters so as to discredit the woman's husband, who had presented evidence undermining the president's case for war, has been ... what are we talking about again?" --Jon Stewart

"Obviously, this has come at a bad time for the White House. Usually, you want the conviction of a high-ranking official and the veterans-sleeping-in-moldy-rat-holes stories on different days." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

To give you an idea of how popular he is not... (All right, is he black enough for ya now?)

"To give you an idea of how popular he is not ... in South America, Bush is going to visit on Monday the sacred Mayan ruins, and after he leaves the Mayan priests are going to perform a purification ceremony ... to get rid of the bad spirits. And if it works there, they're going to try it in Iraq, New Orleans, Guantanamo Bay, Ground Zero and the atmosphere of the planet Earth." --Bill Maher

"While he was there, Bush did an interview with the Brazilian press and he said the most difficult decision a president could ever make is sending troops into harm's way. But enough about Walter Reed." --Bill Maher

"The Boston Globe is saying that Barack Obama owes $375 in parking tickets from when he was a student in the '80s at Harvard. And because he's running for president, he's going to pay them. All right, is he black enough for ya now?" --Bill Maher

"Newt Gingrich today came out ... and said that while he was leading the charge to impeach Clinton for having an extra-marital affair, he had an extra-marital affair. This, to me, is unbelievable. Somebody f**ked Newt Gingrich?" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If you want to get rid of an attorney... (All the President's Mentors)

"If you want to get rid of an attorney, you don't use Gonzales, you bring in Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

"Huge controversy at the Pentagon. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has publicly stated that homosexual acts are immoral, and so is adultery. Homosexual acts and whoring around are immoral? He just offended every member of Congress right there." --Jay Leno

"While in Latin America, President Bush visited the ancient Mayan ruins. He then invited their officials to come visit our ruins -- the Walter Reed Medical Center." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's kind of a lousy talking point, but it's a great romance novel (proving they've got range)

"Good news for the Bush administration. Just one week after the outrageous Walter Reed medical scandal, that story is gone ... because there's a new kid in town. His name is 'Outrageous Fired Federal Prosecutors Attorney General Scandal'. Yes, in one week, it's been revealed the administration screwed over wounded vets -- the most revered people in America -- and lawyers -- the most reviled people in America -- proving they've got range." --Jon Stewart

"With cries for his resignation flooding the airwaves, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales plead his case. He assured everyone that the matter was out of his hands [on screen: Gonzales saying that he serves 'at the pleasure of the president']. It's kind of a lousy talking point, but it's a great romance novel." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Man, this round of Dancing With The Stars is a lot tougher than last year (the writing on the wall)

"According to a new study, one-third of Washington, DC, is illiterate. To give you an idea of how bad it is, Alberto Gonzales can't even read the writing on the wall." --Jay Leno

"President Bush held a news conference where he accused the Democrats of playing politics with the firing of U.S. attorneys. You know, the attorneys he fired for not playing politics." --Jay Leno

"President Bush even called Alberto Gonzales to offer his support. Given how popular the president is, Gonzales said, 'Uh, no thanks.'" --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney was rushed to the hospital today. Apparently, Cheney was having pains in his leg. On the way to the hospital, he had tightness in his chest, shortness of breath and profuse sweating. But when they told him he wasn't going to Walter Reed, it all went away." --Jay Leno

"The former vice president of Iraq was hanged yesterday. Man, this round of 'Dancing With The Stars' is a lot tougher than last year." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Their number is negligible and they are stupid (they're used to being knee-deep in bulls**t)

"In Nevada, as part of a training exercise, firefighters burned down the famous brothel, the Mustang Ranch. The sad news? Two congressmen were still inside." --Jay Leno

"President Bush visited Walter Reed today. When you've got a problem like Walter Reed that needs solving, what better sight than to see George Bush walk through the door? He's created so many disasters, I'm not sure he knows which is which anymore. He walked into Walter Reed, and he said he wanted to have it ready for next year's Mardi Gras." --Bill Maher

"Some people still love President Bush. He also spoke this week at the Cattlemen's Beef Association. They love him, but then again, they're used to being knee-deep in bulls**t." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: In other words, Trump’s waiting until the weekend to fire him

Despite the allegations, President Trump said he has “total confidence” in Jeff Sessions. In other words, Trump’s waiting until the weekend to fire him. –Conan O’Brien

One of the biggest viral sensations right now is a YouTube livestream of a pregnant giraffe waiting to give birth. The cutest part is when she tells the father giraffe, “You did this to me, now put down that goddamn camera.” –Conan O’Brien

Attorney General Jeff Sessions held a press conference today and recused himself from any Department of Justice investigations into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia. Said Trump, “May I also be recused?” –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html