a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven (wardrobe malfunction)

President Trump’s recent speech at a Medal of Honor ceremony, where his rambling remarks included comments about the White House drapes. The president added that he attempted to get a Medal of Honor for himself, but was told that it would “be bad protocol”. I just want you to consider how many things he’s admitting here. He’s admitting he tried to give himself a Medal of Honor, he’s admitting it’s a bad look and he’s admitting that he had to be told it’s a bad look. —Seth Meyers

A CNN poll found that 59% of Americans disapprove of the Iran strikes, as well as reports that US commanders at military bases have told troops that “President Trump has been anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.” That’s one exit strategy! I’m dusting off this gold helmet with a no slip rapture grip so the lid can yank me into heaven. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Shakira - Hips Don't Lie (Live in China - New Years Eve Jiangsu TV 2010)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

it was the biggest overthrow of all time, but I didn’t do it (Yeah, get Shakira to do a halftime show)

June 2022

“The January 6th committee hearings will be televised beginning Thursday night. Yeah, it doesn’t have to look like ‘Top Gun,’ but just in case, they’re going to have Adam Schiff and Jamie Raskin play hot shirtless volleyball.” —Stephen Colbert

“What they need to do, you want people to watch in America, is you have to spice things up. You know, have a kiss cam going for the witnesses. Yeah, get Shakira to do a halftime show.” —Trevor Noah

“You know who is going to be torn about the coverage of this? Donald Trump. Yeah, ’cuz think about it: On the one hand, he doesn’t want anyone to know what he did on Jan. 6, but on the other hand, you know he would love his hearings to get the highest ratings of all time. You know it. He’s going to be out there like [imitating Trump] ‘Don’t watch the hearings, folks. The fake news is saying I overthrew the government, which I didn’t do. But it was the biggest overthrow of all time, but I didn’t do it.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bob Hope did the same choreography (they all look like pork chops to me)

“First, Shakira, whose hips again did not lie while under oath. Then, there was J.Lo, who showed off an impressive pole dance. It’s a tradition dating back to Super Bowl I, when Bob Hope did the same choreography.” —Stephen Colbert

“Here’s the thing you already know: The Kansas City Chiefs are based in Kansas City, Missouri. [Imitating Trump] ‘Oh, I know Missouri. It’s the Show-Me State because you have to show me where it is on the map. Is it the one — let me ask you this, let me ask you this: Is it the one that looks like a pork chop? Trick question — they all look like pork chops to me.’” —Stephen Colbert

“President Trump’s legal adviser, Jenna Ellis, criticized the Super Bowl halftime show as demeaning to women. Yeah, yeah, she said the president believes there’s a time and a place to demean women and that’s Twitter.” —Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent (May I frisk myself?)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent"

10. "Do I need a degree in groping?"
9. "Am I only doing this for the sweet TSA uniform?"
8. "If I find explosive underpants, may I keep them?"
7. "Will I enjoy being cursed at 40 hours a week for minimum wage?"
6. "If I find explosive underpants, may I keep them?" That was No. 8. Who checks these things anyway?
5. "Should I practice by frisking people on the street?"
4. "In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?"
3. "Do I really want to know what a fat guy's thighs feel like?"
2. "May I frisk myself?"
1. "What's the closest airport to Shakira's house?”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And then he's going to be sued by every guy that's ever danced at a wedding (her hips don't lie)

Some entertainment news. I heard that the former "Fresh Prince" star Alfonso Ribeiro is suing the makers of "Fortnite" by using his famous Carlton dance in their game. And then he's going to be sued by every guy that's ever danced at a wedding. --Jimmy Fallon

Time to put the news to bed. Good night, Mick Mulvaney, Trump's new Chief of Staff. I'll be surprised if you last a week and a half. Good night, woman who gave birth at Taco Bell. That baby's first words will be, "hard or soft shell?" Good night Kellogg's, using corn flakes to make beer. Or as that cartoon rooster put it, "Look, it's been a rough year." Good night, Shakira's tax evasion, which she denies. I for one believe her because her hips don't lie. And finally, good night Steven Miller with hair sprayed on your head, or as Trump put it, That's why I comb over instead. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”