Ten Commandments of War Propaganda (Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show)

The Super Bowl ads cost the most ever this year. The ads cost $5 Million. That’s around $175,000 per second. To put that in perspective, a 30 second commercial on the Conan O’Brien show cost $200, plus I give you a ride to the airport. --Conan O’Brien

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning said yesterday he’s going to need to get his hip replaced. Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Denver Broncos (Touchdowns)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Denver Broncos

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Madden: Indianapolis Colts vs Denver Broncos

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

But lately we’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter what the majority of Americans want (an angry mob or a happy mob)

We’re just five days away from Super Bowl 51! And a new poll finds that the majority of Americans want the Atlanta Falcons to win. But lately we’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter what the majority of Americans want. –Jimmy Fallon

Sunday is also the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel. It will feature the Little Long Tails going up against their rival, a red laser pointer. --Jimmy Fallon

We are just three days away from Super Bowl LII, which means that we’re just three days away from finding out whether Boston will be burned down by an angry mob or a happy mob. --Jimmy Fallon

But it wasn’t all bad news for Cam Newton. He was named the NFL's Most Valuable Player at the NFL Honors on Saturday night. The ceremony went well, but it got weird when the Denver Broncos' defense took the award out of his hands and ran it for a touchdown. –Jimmy Fallon

Tom Brady said that he’s banned his dad from talking to the media after he spoke out against NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Tom is so embarrassed, this Sunday he’s making his dad drop him off a block away from the Super Bowl. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show (300-pound guys blocking things)

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning said yesterday he’s going to need to get his hip replaced. Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show. –Conan O’Brien

"The Super Bowl this year will be played in Governor Chris Christie's home state of New Jersey. It's a state that lately has gotten used to 300-pound guys blocking things." –Conan O'Brien

"Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. So Brady's giving his truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll." –Conan O'Brien

Justin Timberlake says there will be no 'N Sync reunion during the Super Bowl. The Patriots are upset because now it means they’ll be the most hated guys on the field. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

then he asked how long it takes eyebrows to grow back (I could never make it in the NFL)

This morning, North Korea claimed it successfully tested its fifth and most powerful nuclear warhead. Kim Jong Un called the test a major triumph, then asked how long it takes eyebrows to grow back. –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon

During last night's game between the Broncos and the Panthers, quarterback Cam Newton was spotted on the bench flossing his teeth. Weirdly, that was the moment dudes were like, “I could never make it in the NFL.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, that's my campaign slogan (he will do everything he can to knock them up)

"Apple announced the iPhone 6 today, which they say has a more durable screen that won't crack or scratch as easily. Or as your kids put it, 'Challenge accepted!' Apple promised less cracking. Then Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said, 'Hey, that's my campaign slogan.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Football started tonight with the Denver Broncos playing their first game since Peyton Manning retired. Trevor Siemian took his place and before kickoff, Peyton put his arm around Trevor's shoulder, looked into his eyes and said, "You know, starting today, you can get two medium Papa John's pizzas for $6." –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new poll, Levi Johnston now has lower approval ratings than John Edwards. Levy said he is disappointed with his low approval ratings and will do everything he can to knock them up." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels…82 times. Maybe 90! (Don't you dare tell me how to freedom)

But it wasn’t all bad news for Cam Newton. He was named the NFL's Most Valuable Player at the NFL Honors on Saturday night. The ceremony went well, but it got weird when the Denver Broncos' defense took the award out of his hands and ran it for a touchdown. –Jimmy Fallon

After Peyton Manning was asked about his future, he responded by saying, "I'll drink a lot of Budweiser tonight." Which is why today, he signed endorsement deals with Tylenol, Gatorade, and a tattoo removal clinic. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump's speech was over 5,000 words long. To give you an idea of how many that is, that's roughly the same word count as Adam Levine's chest. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right. Trump spoke for 82 minutes. He was like, [Fallon as Trump], "Wow, in that same time, I could have slept with Stormy Daniels… 82 times. Maybe 90!" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It doesn’t sound great when you say it out loud (Some of the Seahawks went halfway through the third quarter)

“President Trump was not happy with how it went yesterday. They say the last time he was this mad was when he found out there was a Donald Trump Jr.” —Jimmy Kimmel

On Sunday someone inside the Trump administration for the second time leaked his private work schedule which, again, looked very light. According to the schedule, Trump spends the first five hours of every day on what they call executive time. They call it executive time because chicken fingers and cartoon time doesn’t sound great when you say it out loud. --Jimmy Kimmel

"It wasn't much of a Super Bowl game. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. You know how after the game the winning players go to Disney World? Some of the Seahawks went halfway through the third quarter." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, people are now comparing Russia to the United States. That's how bad it is. (it was pretty dark inside Abramoff's back pocket)

"Mitt Romney was at a loss to explain why he dropped the ball. In fact, his wife is now blaming it on the New England Patriot receivers." –Jay Leno

"The Olympics start Friday and Russia's implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. The government will monitor every email. They will monitor every social media message and they will listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are now comparing Russia to the United States. That's how bad it is." –Jay Leno

"More problems for the White House. Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff said he met with President Bush almost a dozen times, contradicting the White House claims that Bush didn't know him. In President Bush's defense, it was pretty dark inside Abramoff's back pocket." --Jay Leno

"The Broncos couldn't move the ball. The last time I saw a Bronco going that slow, OJ was driving it through L.A." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the judge called the case “not why I went to law school.” (their date is wearing an invisibility cloak)

The Harry Potter Studio Tour just announced that it's hosting a Valentine's Day dinner in the Great Hall from Hogwarts. It's great for couples, or for single guys who claim their date is wearing an “invisibility cloak.” –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks advanced to the big game, which means this year’s Super Bowl will have teams from the two states where recreational marijuana is legal. Or as pizza delivery men put it, 'Pray for us.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name “Kylie.” Yeah, the judge called the case “not why I went to law school.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, I was expecting someone else. Sorry. (One man got a pair for his wife, and he hasn't seen her since)

An Australian company has developed a new pair of smart yoga pants that vibrate when you hold a yoga pose correctly. One man got a pair for his wife, and he hasn't seen her since. –Jimmy Fallon

Arnold Schwarzenegger met Pope Francis at the Vatican today. When the Pope heard it was the guy that said, “I’ll be back,” he said, “Oh, I was expecting someone else. Sorry.” –Jimmy Fallon

That's right, the Broncos beat the Patriots to win the AFC Championship last night. Tom Brady was sacked four times. Brady was hit so hard, a kid in the stands actually caught one of his Uggs. –Jimmy Fallon

"A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start at just $99. If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence, it's 'cheap' and 'helicopter.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a relationship, a man must be flexible (brand new subatomic particles)

"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." –Jay Leno

"This is kind of disturbing. The Justice Department has concluded that the president can order drone strikes on American citizens. And today, Rush Limbaugh came out in favor of Obamacare." –Jay Leno

"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work to before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

"The Broncos in the Super Bowl couldn't move the ball. The last time I saw a Bronco going that slow, OJ was driving it through L.A." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I will never have to take Viagra again (doesn’t sound great when you say it out loud)

It came out that Trump ranks his favorite Fox News reporters on how much they are loyal to him. Sean Hannity gets a 10. He gets an 11 if he’s wearing heels. But Trump’s top ranking host is Fox and Friends host Steve Doocy, who gets a 12. When Doocy heard this he said, “I will never have to take Viagra again.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“The big question is whether or not the Senate is going to call witnesses for Trump’s impeachment trial. Mitch McConnell wants no witnesses because, you know, witnesses are the ones who saw the crime, so no good can come of hearing from them.” —Jimmy Kimmel

On Sunday someone inside the Trump administration for the second time leaked his private work schedule which, again, looked very light. According to the schedule, Trump spends the first five hours of every day on what they call executive time. They call it executive time because chicken fingers and cartoon time doesn’t sound great when you say it out loud. --Jimmy Kimmel

The Denver Broncos will play the Carolina Panthers at the Super Bowl Sunday. Between the Super Bowl and this new O.J. Simpson show, this has been a very big week for Broncos. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was America's original Willie Nelson (but he doesn't look a day over crazy)

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson

"Well done, Seattle. I think they needed this to cement their reputation. Before last night, the meanest guy from Seattle was 'Frasier.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Poor Denver Broncos. Experts said they haven't seen something crushed like that in New Jersey since Chris Christie's bean bag chair." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show (Great, now do my prenup!)

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning said yesterday he’s going to need to get his hip replaced. Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show. –Conan O’Brien

“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” —Conan O’Brien

"Republican Mike Huckabee criticized the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to Beyoncé due to her explicit lyrics. So now the Obama girls are faced with the tough choice every teen must eventually make — listen to Beyoncé or Mike Huckabee." –Conan O'Brien

Justin Timberlake says there will be no 'N Sync reunion during the Super Bowl. The Patriots are upset because now it means they’ll be the most hated guys on the field. --Conan O’Brien

Vladimir Putin is scheduled to play an exhibition hockey game against former professional hockey players. Putin is scheduled to win by 12 goals. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming (a few other things he believes are sloppy)

February 2014

"Today, the Olympic torch arrived in Sochi. But Vladimir Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming." –Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea admitted the band faked playing during the Super Bowl. In his defense, so did the Broncos." –Conan O'Brien

"The Russians have spent $51 billion on the Olympics – $51 billion. With that kind of money the Yankees could buy themselves a mediocre player." –David Letterman

"The Olympics are set to begin on Friday but construction crews in Sochi are still racing to complete work on everything from roads to hotels. When asked to explain the delays Vladimir Putin admitted that in retrospect it was a mistake to fire his construction foreman for being gay." –David Letterman

"The Russians are not ready. You heard it here first. They are not ready for the Olympics. You know, I'm blaming it on Obamacare." –David Letterman

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is indignant at the New York Times for its sloppy reporting about the Bridge-Gate scandal. The governor also took the opportunity to highlight a few other things he believes are sloppy: Meatloaf with gravy, nachos, barbecue ribs, meat-lovers pizza, buffalo wings, hot-fudge sundaes and chili dogs." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Push Biden left (LMAO), ya'll can't even push AOC left (what a week for turnovers, huh?)

February 2014

"People are worried that Sochi in Russia is not ready for the Olympics. They have a mall there where the only store that's currently open is a Cinnabon – or as Americans refer to it, a mall that caters to all of our needs." –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton is encouraging Hispanic families to read to their kids. She's also telling Asian families to ease up on the math so the rest of us can catch up." –Conan O'Brien

"The Broncos got beaten really bad — and we still won't know until we find the black box exactly what went wrong." –David Letterman

"So we have the Broncos, and Jay Leno is leaving the "Tonight Show" — what a week for turnovers, huh?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To me it's just beating a dead horse (I could have done that)

February 2014

"On Saturday before the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning received the NFL's MVP award for the season. Yeah, unfortunately it was immediately intercepted by a Seahawk." –Conan O'Brien

"Let's talk about the big game yesterday. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. The Broncos are blaming it on a traffic study." –David Letterman

"The final score was 43-8. At least that's what people told me when I woke up." –David Letterman

"How about that Super Bowl? Some of you may expect me to make jokes about the Broncos. I won't do that. To me it's just beating a dead horse." –Craig Ferguson

"Well done, Seattle. I think they needed this to cement their reputation. Before last night, the meanest guy from Seattle was 'Frasier.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Poor Broncos. Experts said they haven't seen something crushed like that in New Jersey since Chris Christie's beanbag chair." –Craig Ferguson

"The Broncos looked so bad, even the L.A. Lakers said, 'This is kind of embarrassing to watch.' Peyton Manning had such a bad night that Tim Tebow said, 'I could have done that.'" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry