In a related story, Trump just made Kanye the new secretary of Dragon Energy (7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon)

I read about an Orthodox rabbi who recently blessed medical marijuana, saying that the weed is actually kosher for Passover. Which explains why some Jewish people were leaving ANOTHER chair empty for Scooby-Doo. –Jimmy Fallon

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

Today, Kanye West tweeted that he and Trump are brothers and "are both dragon energy." Trump responded saying, "Very cool." In a related story, Trump just made Kanye the new secretary of Dragon Energy. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that tells me that he’s definitely guilty and that he’s definitely getting away with it (Yeah, it was called England)

April 2023

Former President Trump was arraigned on Tuesday, and a photographer released this photo of Trump in the courtroom, and I don’t like that he’s flanked by an O.J. amount of lawyers. Because that tells me that he’s definitely guilty and that he’s definitely getting away with it. —Colin Jost

Trump’s lawyer, Joe Tacopina, aka Phony Soprano, said that he doesn’t think that Trump can get a fair trial in Manhattan and I agree. Even the courtroom sketch artist seems to hate him. When Trump showed up he looked perfectly nice. He blended his foundation, he stapled down his hair. But the guy still drew him like the Mud Monster from Scooby-Doo. —Colin Jost

King Charles said that researchers will be given access to Royal Archives after it was discovered that his ancestors had shares in a slave-trading company. Yeah, it was called England. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle (Even Scooby-Doo villains know not to write it down)

December 2022

“More details about the lead-up to the January 6th attack on the Capitol have surfaced. It’s even crazier than the crazy we previously thought was so crazy. Turns out the calls were coming from inside the House, and the Senate. According to new reports, the then White House chief of staff, Mark Meadows, texted with 34 Republicans lawmakers in the days before January 6th, exchanging ideas and suggestions for how they could overturn the election and keep Trump in office. It’s like a gang of Batman’s dumbest enemies. One such lawmaker was the South Carolina Republican Ralph Norman, who texted Meadows three days before the attempted coup that ‘our LAST HOPE is invoking Marshall Law!!’ If Marshall Law doesn’t work, we’ll mobilize the TJ Maxxinistas! Thank God this coup wasn’t planned by people who could solve the Wordle.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The texts go a long way toward explaining why these low-lifes have been so quiet about all this. It wasn’t just Trump. He had dozens of enablers, and a lot of them are still in Congress. We had people who tried to overthrow the government in the government right now, and I continue to be blown away by how dumb they are. Even Scooby-Doo villains know not to write it down.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That is hilarious, getting foiled by a bunch of meddling kids (Trump is basically a Scooby-Doo villain now)

“President Trump’s Tulsa rally over the weekend was poorly attended, with only 6,200 people showing up despite the president’s insistence that one million people had RSVP’d which, it turns out, may have been part of a prank on behalf of TikTok users and K-pop fans. That is hilarious, getting foiled by a bunch of meddling kids. I mean, that means Trump is basically a Scooby-Doo villain now — but at least Scooby-Doo villains wear masks.” —Trevor Noah

“Aw, poor Trump. For somebody who was born into wealth and never suffered a single consequence for his actions, this dude just cannot catch a break. Because nothing is more humiliating than when you throw a party and most of the guests don’t show up.” —Trevor Noah

“And I’m proud of these teens. I mean, think about it: in 2020, TikTok went from being an app where you learn dances to ‘hey guys, this is how you abolish the police and take down the president’.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You probably think I’m joking, but go ahead and Google that (Please tell me that's a ghost)

“Well, even during the height of the 1918 flu pandemic, the United States allowed more than 110,000 immigrants to enter the country. So, Donald Trump is more xenophobic than Woodrow Wilson, and Wilson's campaign slogan was ‘Let’s punch an Italian.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Last night the world was rocked by reports that Kim Jong-un, supreme leader and man who cut his own hair before quarantine, may be gravely ill after secretly undergoing heart surgery. This was major news. I didn’t know Kim Jong-un had a heart — crazy.” — Trevor Noah

“This gives you a sense of how things are going at the White House: the president’s own coronavirus task force – members of his own team – are reportedly actively ignoring him now. They say the vice-poodle, Mike Pence, won’t even sniff his butt. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would they ignore a president who has so many great ideas? Remember when he wanted to nuke the hurricane? You probably think I’m joking, but go ahead and Google that.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why aren't my speeches getting more likes? (You're Shaggy from Scooby-Doo)

Let's get to some news. I saw that President Trump just met with the CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey. I heard that Trump complained about losing Twitter followers. Just like when Abraham Lincoln met with his generals and said, "Why aren't my speeches getting more likes?" --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I read that since Pete Buttigieg has become more popular, Beto O'Rourke's popularity has gone down. They're both young, charismatic guys, and a lot of people think Buttigieg stole Beto's thunder. And, honestly, I kind of feel bad for the guy. So it's time for a candidate intervention. Beto, my man, take a deep breath. There's a long way to go until the 2020 election. But if you want to get back on track, here's some advice. You got to cool it with the blue shirts, bro. There's just too many of them. It's insane. You look exactly the same every day. It's like one of the Brooks brothers got stuck inside Groundhog Day. --Jimmy Fallon

And Beto please, please stop standing on your minivan. You can't become President if you're standing on a van down by the river! So, Beto, do some interviews, do a Town Hall, because Mayor Pete's coming in hot. And right now, you're just a dude who supports legal marijuana, wears the same shirt every day, and rides around in a van. You're Shaggy from "Scooby-Doo." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The stars and stripes should be replaced by Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, running for their lives (we'll hire BP)

from May 2010

"At first the Taliban claimed credit and then as the week went on and we found out about this guy they said, ‘No, we have nothing to do with him.’ The Taliban said, 'The next time we want to wreak mass destruction on America, we'll hire BP.'" –Bill Maher, on the failed Times Square terrorist bombing

"This guy had some sort of training over there in Pakistan. You get the feeling when they showed him how to make the car bomb he said great, now how do I get the SUV on the plane." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: If President Obama is going to keep saying, 'We will not be terrorized,' he has to show he means it by letting us take our gels and liquids back on the plane. Hey, we're Americans, of course we're terrified—being afraid is what we do best. The stars and stripes should be replaced by Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, running for their lives." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's it. Get me the gang from Scooby Doo! (Wait, maybe I wrote it!)

President Trump's still trying to figure out who wrote the anonymous New York Times op-ed about him. You can tell he's getting desperate — today he yelled, "That's it. Get me the gang from 'Scooby Doo!'" --Jimmy Fallon

This weekend Kellyanne Conway said the author of the op-ed wants to "create chaos" and is a "national security risk." Then Trump was like, "Wait, maybe I wrote it!" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, apparently he didn't fly over New Orleans (Rut roh!)

"On President Bush's flight back to Texas on Tuesday, they showed a video of his accomplishments. So, apparently he didn't fly over New Orleans."—Jay Leno

"President Obama's chief of staff has ordered federal agencies to freeze funding on a lot of projects that President Bush tried to push through in his final days. Yeah, so, for now, the National Scooby-Doo Museum remains a distant dream. That's not happening. Bush heard. He was like, 'Rut roh!'" --Conan O'Brien

"I was thinking about the Obama inauguration. It was pretty amazing. There were two million people crammed into that mall this week. Two million people. Not one arrest. Not one crime was committed in Washington. Of course, that will all change now that Congress is back." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”