They said this is exactly the kind of punitive taxation that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business (teeth care for the elderly)

"The House passed a bill where there's a tax now of 90% on the bonuses that these CEOs get. So, half the Republicans voted against this. They said this is exactly the kind of punitive taxation that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business." --Bill Maher 

"Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America except he has to show ID when he votes." –Bill Maher

"But you know who might be the perfect Mitt Romney Vice President? Tim Pawlenty. He almost makes Mitt Romney look interesting, in the way that a blank sheet of paper makes a sheet of paper with a smudge on it look interesting." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because there’s nothing worse than getting an erection and forgetting why (Well, he sounds like a Democrat to me)

December 2022

“When asked if he would follow the lead of Senator Kyrsten Sinema and leave the Democratic party, fellow obstructionist Joe Manchin, of West Virginia, told reporters: ‘I’ll look at all of these things. I’ve always looked at all those things, but I have no intention of doing anything right now.’ Well, he sounds like a Democrat to me.” —Seth Meyers

“And according to new research, taking the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra could decrease the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Which is great, because there’s nothing worse than getting an erection and forgetting why.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But when he gets Mitch McConnell pregnant with another secret baby? It’ll be all worth it! (If it was about babies...)

November 2022

“We can celebrate that the Democrats will keep control of the Senate. But remember, if Republicans take control of the House, then every dream the Democrats have of codifying Roe v Wade or taxing the rich or turning Pete Buttigieg into a real boy – they can’t do it. I mean, they probably weren’t going to do it anyway, but now they have someone to blame.” —Trevor Noah

“Still, though Democrats no longer need Raphael Warnock’s victory over Herschel Walker in Georgia, it would give them an extra cushion for when Joe Manchin tries to cockblock them, or Kyrsten Sinema goes rogue, or Bernie Sanders misses a vote because he’s arguing with a grocery store manager.” —Trevor Noah

“But can we just admit, now that the stakes are a little lower, you kinda want to see what Herschel Walker would be like as a senator. I’m not saying they should, and I’m not saying it would be good for Georgia or the country, but when he gets Mitch McConnell pregnant with another secret baby? It’ll be all worth it!” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It has all the essential food groups: bacon, foil, and yellow (Get ready for some crazy sh*t)

July 2022

“The legislative bombshell that shocked Washington: Joe Manchin, the centrist Democrat who has repeatedly thwarted the Biden administration’s efforts to pass the Build Back Better plan, announced Wednesday that he would support a bill to address the climate crisis. The $369 Billion package aiming to reduce US carbon emissions by 40% by 2030, part of a larger measure known as the Inflation Reduction Act, pays for itself with a 15% corporate minimum tax rate on billion-dollar companies or larger and funding to beef up tax enforcement for the wealthiest Americans. Finally, the mega-rich will have to pay any taxes at all. It’s got Elon Musk so scared, he is as white as a ghost.” —Stephen Colbert

“Joe Manchin’s support for the bill is a marked departure from his holdout positions even days earlier. So what happened? Turns out Manchin was visited by the ghost of climate future.” —Stephen Colbert

“With a little more hope for our planet, we can now rest easy and freak out about the economy, amid news that the economy shrank for the second quarter in a row, raising fears that the US could enter a recession. That’s on top of record inflation, which has hit even the bacon, egg and cheese. The price of the beloved New York bodega staple has increased from $2.50 to $4.50 – which is a tough blow to city consumers, because the sandwich, a diet staple, has all the essential food groups: bacon, foil, and yellow”. —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, right after the announcement, his approval rating skyrocketed to 11 percent (Look at you, Joe, look at you!)

July 2022

“Also, what a week for Joe Biden, huh? First he defeated Covid, then he defeated low expectations. Look at you, Joe, look at you!” —Trevor Noah

“The Inflation Reduction Act doesn’t include everything that Biden wanted with Build Back Better, but it’s still a big deal. It lowers prescription drug prices, enforces taxation of corporations, and marks $370 Billion to fight climate change through tax incentives and grants. This is a huge win for the Democrats, but remember, this is the Democratic party, so there’s still plenty of ways for this thing to fall apart. House Democrats could come out against it. Kyrsten Sinema could come out against it. Joe Manchin could come out tomorrow and oppose the bill just out of habit. But if it does get through, this could be the legislative victory that the Democrats need to ride into the midterms and only lose the House by 200 seats!” —Trevor Noah

“This is a huge victory for Biden. In fact, right after the announcement, his approval rating skyrocketed to 11 percent.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Am I — am I dreaming? And if so, what a boring dream! (Yeah Mary, where do babies come from?)

July 2022

“In a major surprise this week, Senator Joe Manchin III agreed to support a climate, energy and tax package after previously saying that he wouldn’t. The bill is being hailed as a major step in U.S. efforts to combat global warming.  Joe Manchin is fighting climate change? Wait, am I dreaming? I have all my teeth, I’m not a skeleton, you’re all wearing clothes, I’m rich and famous — no, this is real.” —Stephen Colbert

“I can’t believe it! Joe Manchin agreed to vote for a bill? Which means Democrats might actually get something done? Am I — am I dreaming? And if so, what a boring dream!” —Trevor Noah

“People, I am told, are very excited about the bill, including President Biden, who said, ‘This is the action the American people have been waiting for.’ Technically, sir, technically, that was ‘Top Gun: Maverick.’ Cruise — Cruise has still got it.” —Stephen Colbert

“Also, what a week for Joe Biden, huh? First he defeated Covid, then he defeated low expectations. Look at you, Joe, look at you!” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nothing says everything’s fine like a dehydrated septuagenarian broadcasting from the set of Mad Max: Fury Road (Then we're safe to eat)

July 2022

“Meanwhile, today, President Biden announced new executive actions to address the climate crisis. Whew, just in time, it’s 115 degrees outside!” —Jimmy Fallon

“Unfortunately, Biden’s speech was cut short when the teleprompter burst into flame.” —Jimmy Fallon

“So the president held a press conference today to announce new steps to combat climate change but stopped short of declaring a national emergency. Yeah, you don’t want to call a climate emergency too early — you’ve got to wait until our internal temperature is 165 degrees in the thigh. Then we’re safe to eat.” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s so hot in the city, Times Square had a naked cowboy and a shaved Elmo.” —Stephen Colbert

“There have been devastating heatwaves across the US this week. These heatwaves are only going to get worse, because Biden’s climate plan is being blocked in the Senate by Joe ‘I hate life on Earth’ Manchin.” —Stephen Colbert

“The non-emergency press conference was held at a former coal plant in Massachusetts, or what appears to be the bleakest, most desolate spot on planet Earth. Because nothing says everything’s fine like a dehydrated septuagenarian broadcasting from the set of Mad Max: Fury Road.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he’d rather focus on the positives, like your Covid test (Oh, wait, that was yesterday)

January 2022

“President Biden said yesterday that his first year in office has been ‘a year of challenges,’ but he’d rather focus on the positives, like your Covid test.” —Seth Meyers

“It seems like just yesterday our democracy was being held hostage by a cabal of obstructionists who didn’t want every vote counted. Oh, wait, that was yesterday.” —Stephen Colbert

“A year ago, Biden pledged to address Covid, the economy, climate change and racial injustice. And good news — after 12 months of tireless effort, we’re all getting three free masks.” —Jimmy Fallon

“President Biden yesterday held a 1 hour 51 minute press conference. It was the first thing Americans actually wished Joe Manchin had stopped.” —Seth Meyers

“A lot of people are disappointed with President Biden. His approval rating just reached a new low after his press conference yesterday. The press conference was a success in that he went nearly two hours without having to pee.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t let that vest fool you. He’s got sleeve money. (Sedate the Press)

November 2021

“Tuesday was a disappointing night for Democrats, as they lost the Virginia governorship to Republican Glenn Youngkin. But the media – who all live in Virginia and New Jersey, coincidentally – are freaking out so badly that NBC is launching a new Sunday show, Sedate the Press.” —Stephen Colbert

“The rough election night has re-energized congressional Democrats to pass crucial social and infrastructure plans – last week, due to opposition from the West Virginia senator Joe Manchin, Democrats took out paid family leave from the Build Back Better bill. But after the defeat in Virginia, the House added a provision to provide four weeks of federally paid family and medical leave back into the plan. OK, that’s something! It’s not what anyone asked for, but it’s better than nothing. Coincidentally, also the slogan of RC Cola.” —Stephen Colbert

“So, yes, the results were bad for Democrats and, yes, they absolutely need to learn some real lessons from it, but you didn’t need an election result in Virginia to tell you that things aren’t exactly great for Democrats right now. Biden’s poll numbers are in the toilet, concerns about the economy and inflation are on the rise, people are exhausted and angry after 20 months of pandemic life, and Democrats in Congress have spent what feels like an eternity haggling over a bill to deliver on Biden’s agenda, and they still can’t agree on a deal. It doesn’t seem that complicated to me: you need to do popular things that people like and then you need to tell voters that Republicans will take them away. I mean, this is a party that’s pretending to be a pro-worker, populist movement, but in Virginia, they just elected multimillionaire private equity executive in Glenn Youngkin, who often wore a simple, folksy vest on the campaign trail. Don’t let that vest fool you. He’s got sleeve money.” —Seth Meyers

“Team Biden today announced that more than 100 million American workers are required to be fully vaccinated by Jan. 4. And if I know my fellow American workers, everyone’s going to be super chill about that.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, but if we stop, we’re gonna put a lot of gravediggers out of business. What about them? (Kyrie Irving clinical trial)

November 2021

“Joe Biden’s efforts at Cop26, the UN climate conference in Glasgow, where 100 world leaders agreed on Monday to end deforestation by 2030. Basically, they made a deal to save the Amazon from Amazon. In a video address, Queen Elizabeth II asked leaders to ‘act for our children and our children’s children’, all of which she’s probably going to outlive. What is that woman, a thousand years old now? She was around before the earth even had climate. And UN secretary general António Guterres kicked off the conference on an urgent, dire note, telling the delegation that humanity is ‘digging our own graves’ with the burning of fossil fuels. Senator Joe Manchin was like, ‘Yeah, but if we stop, we’re gonna put a lot of gravediggers out of business. What about them?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“According to the White House, 70% of US adults are now fully vaccinated, and 80% are at least partially vaccinated. The other 20% are still waiting for the results of the clinical trial being conducted by Kyrie Irving of the Brooklyn Nets.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that guy doesn’t have his own penis-shaped spaceship (lick the back of it like a stamp)

October 2021

“It looks like Democrats are close to a breakthrough on the Build Back Better bill, as Democratic lawmakers worked to prune Biden’s top legislative priority into a shape that Senate holdouts Joe Manchin and Kirsten Sinema would support. But everyone was on board with taxing the richest corporations, pushing a proposal that would set a 15% baseline tax for companies with more than $1 Billion in profits. I know Amazon is going to complain about it, but 15% isn’t even that much! These giant companies are going to be paying the same rate as the guy who hands out the shoes at the bowling alley, and I guarantee you: that guy doesn’t have his own penis-shaped spaceship.” —Trevor Noah

“I don’t know if this is going to convince corporations to be happy about having less money, but I do think Manchin is right: paying taxes is patriotic. Part of loving your country is financially supporting your country. You can’t say you love your child if you’re sending all your money to some other kid who’s in the Cayman Islands.” —Trevor Noah

“The average cost of a funeral has risen at twice the rate of inflation since the 1980s; in 2019, a standard funeral cost on average more than $9,000. But even basic funerals can be out of reach for many families on account of hidden costs, from rental caskets to embalming, an unnecessary procedure that puts 4.3 Million gallons of chemicals into the ground each year. On the bright side, it allows humans to die like we lived: destroying the environment.” —Samantha Bee

“Georgia congresswoman and unrepentant election conspiracist Marjorie Taylor Greene, who tried to justify the 6 January insurrection this week by saying that the Declaration of Independence supports overthrowing ‘tyrants’. Greene’s comments came days after a report from Rolling Stone tied her and seven other Republican lawmakers to organizers of the Stop the Steal rally that devolved into the attack. Two organizers of the rally now cooperating with federal investigators have described ‘dozens’ of planning meetings with said lawmakers; one said he ‘remembered Marjorie Taylor Greene specifically’. Greene has denied the report, saying she was too focused on opposing the certification of the 2020 election results. Her denial is itself a damning admission – she claims she wasn’t involved in planning the protest because she was too busy trying to overturn the election results. We shouldn’t just let that pass by unnoticed. It’s a classic defense – ‘I couldn’t have burned down your house because I was too busy buying gasoline and matches and a map to your house.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It officially makes coal one of the five food groups (God cancels Christmas)

October 2021

The Biden Administrations climate plan is likely to be dropped from the budget plan after senator Joe Manchin refused to support it. Manchin who’s from West Virginia, said he would only agree to Biden’s bill if it cuts clean energy and officially makes coal one of the five food groups. —Colin Jost

Logistical delays caused by worker shortages and Covid outbreaks have doubled the time it takes for some products to get from Asia to the U.S. This might sound crazy, but could we use bats? Because the last time bats carried something it got everywhere real quick. —Colin Jost

Transportation secretary Pete Buttigieg is being criticized for remaining on paternity leave with his husband and twin babies while supply chain problems threaten the holiday shopping season. Said conservatives, see, you let gay couples have kids and God cancels Christmas. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask (Can you get back to work, Joe?)

September 2021

“Despite this week’s turmoil in Washington, including the threat of a government shutdown, the annual Congressional Baseball Game went ahead as scheduled, with President Biden and Speaker Nancy Pelosi among the spectators. It was just baseball, no politics, until the Republican catcher went nuts about having to wear a mask.” —Jimmy Fallon

“It was a real nail-biter. In the eighth inning, I got a text from Pelosi saying, ‘We’re down by one run and only your donation of $26 can turn this around.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But Pelosi had to work the phone instead of watching what I’m sure was a terrible baseball game. You think regular baseball is slow, imagine what it’s like with these bozos.” —Seth Meyers

“President Biden stopped by for the game, although it was a little creepy when he left by disappearing into a cornfield.” —Jimmy Fallon

“And while he was there, he handed out ice cream bars with the presidential seal on the package. I scream, you scream, we all scream, ‘Can you get back to work, Joe?’” —James Corden

“The Republicans beat the Democrats 13-12, but only because Kyrsten Sinema refused to tag anyone out.” —Seth Meyers

“The Dems had a chance for a big win, but in the bottom of the ninth, Joe Manchin wrote a letter cautioning that it would be irresponsible to score.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Error 404 Page Not Found is headed to the House of Representatives (your state bird is now a can of lead paint)

"We are calling the West Virginia Senate race for Democrat Joe Manchin in a landslide. Now, technically, it's only 11 points, but given West Virginia's rich tradition of mining coal by blowing the tops off of mountains, pretty much everything that happens in that state is a landslide." – Stephen Colbert

"Welcome to where rumor undergoes a fact-change operation and becomes analysis." – Stephen Colbert, on his new election center

"In Jackson County, WV, machines have actually changed votes, which would explain why candidate Error 404 Page Not Found is headed to the House of Representatives." – Stephen Colbert

"In the Kentucky Senate race, Rand Paul has been declared the victor. Rand Paul is a libertarian and a staunch opponent of regulation of any kind. So congratulations, Kentucky, your state bird is now a can of lead paint." – Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is how America dies (18 months ahead of schedule)

"Oh, and the pre-orders for Sarah Palin's new book on Amazon are huge. It's the No. 1 book on Amazon. I was looking for that section where it says, 'People who bought this book also bought 'Bridge to Nowhere.''" --Jay Leno

"Well, the publisher was impressed that Sarah Palin finished the book four months ahead of schedule. That's not a big deal. She finished her term as governor 18 months ahead of schedule." --Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin's book is big, 400 pages. She wrote the book herself and agonized over every word, and so will you." --David Letterman

"Sarah Palin's new autobiography doesn't come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, 'People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.'" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Young Turks: Joe Manchin Trashes Bernie Sanders, Let's Primary Him

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html