Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives (giving the rich bigger meals)

We have got Kevin Bacon on the show tonight! Alexis Bledel is here. She is in "The Handmaid's Tale" with Elisabeth Moss, who was in "Girl Interrupted" with Winona Ryder, who was in "Reality Bites" with Ben Stiller, who was in "Zoolander" with Will Ferrell, who was in "Stepbrothers" with John C. Reilly, who was in "The River Wild" with … Kevin Bacon! --Jimmy Fallon

"It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How does Trickle Down work again? (And then what?)

"I don't know why President Bush can't leak us information that we can actually use, like tell us when Dick Cheney is going hunting again." --Jay Leno

"President Bush had a press conference today outside the Oval Office to talk about the economy. He would have had it inside, but, you know, the bank has foreclosed on it. " –Jay Leno

"When it comes to the economy, President Bush is no help at all. Like when reporters asked him today what he thought about AIG, he said he got Showtime and HBO, but he really didn't get the whole package." Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You're just not the intended beneficiary (Oh no, we'll just mail them to you)

There was a big ceremony at the Capital yesterday to unveil a marble statue of Dick Cheney. People said, "Wow, he looks so life-like." And then Cheney said, "Actually, the statue's over there." —Jimmy Fallon

"Time magazine has named 'Ebola Fighters' the 2014 Person of the Year. The Ebola fighters said they were honored to be chosen and look forward to the ceremony. Then Time said, 'Oh no, we'll just mail them to you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

David and Victoria Beckham’s 11-year-old son Cruz just released his first single, called “If Every Day Was Christmas.” I’m pretty sure if you’re the son of David and Victoria Beckham, every day is Christmas. “I have my own butler and I’m quite good looking. Merry Christmas. I own a stadium.” I can’t relate to that song. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t think he would ever leave her behind (What actually happens)

According to the National Enquirer, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are headed for divorce. I don’t believe it. I don’t think he would ever leave her behind. --Jimmy Fallon

The raid happened after the FBI got a search warrant. Trump was surprised to learn that you need permission before you can just start grabbing stuff. --Jimmy Fallon

At the Academy of Country Music Awards, Willie Nelson announced he was writing his memoirs. He said in his memoirs, he will explain how marijuana has affected his life. Here’s how it affected his life: He started writing his memoir in 1946. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have a joke about Trickle Down Economics (they have a better track record on women's issues)

A new home has been found for some geese in Kailua, Hawaii. Some private landowners wanted the geese off their property, but there was a public outcry after an exterminator had been sent to kill all the ducks and geese on Enchanted Lake. It might be time to reassess your career choices when you’re waking up in the morning and saying, “Well, time to kill everything on Enchanted Lake.” --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday, the Trump Administration announced that the entire Affordable Care Act should be struck down, including protections for people with pre-existing conditions. Yes, now that he’s free of the Mueller investigation, Trump can focus on his real enemies - the living. --Stephen Colbert

"The Army is pulling out of Rush Limbaugh. Meanwhile, they're staying in Afghanistan to negotiate with the Taliban, who evidently have a better track record on women's issues." –Stephen Colbert, on the U.S. Army pulling ads from Rush Limbaugh's radio show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is that a good idea, giving President Bush more syllables to pronounce? (That's what unions are for)

"President Bush is the fittest president in history. They said it's because he spends a lot of time exercising. See a lot of our previous presidents wasted that time reading." --Jay Leno

"President Bush believes Rafael Palmeiro. He said he considers Palmeiro a friend and tests or no tests, he believes him. Maybe Rafael Palmeiro is the one who told him there were weapons of mass destruction." --Jimmy Kimmel, on whether Palmeiro used steroids

"The White House has changed their slogan from the war on terror to the global struggle against violent extremism. Well that just rolls off the tongue. Is that a good idea, giving President Bush more syllables to pronounce?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And if that doesn't work, Dick Cheney is going to give it a shot in the face (If trickle down economics worked at all...)

"Did you hear what the Republicans have said about Hillary Clinton? They say she's too angry to be president. Hillary Clinton, Senator Hillary Clinton, too angry to be president. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Oh yeah? I'll rip your throats out, you bastards.'" --David Letterman

 

"Are you folks worried about the economy? Stock market crumbling. Everybody's crazy about this. Don't worry. George W. Bush says he's got something in mind to give it a shot in the arm. And if that doesn't work, Dick Cheney is going to give it a shot in the face." --David Letterman

 

"It was such a riveting speech, the State of the Union speech, Senator Larry Craig only took two bathroom breaks." --David Letterman

"But, I want to tell you something, the Republicans, they're not taking this John McCain scandal lightly. They are very concerned about this new scandal, yes, they are. But, on the bright side, it doesn't involve an airport men's room." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Local Man Thinks Trickle Down Economics Are Real (They’re called English majors)

May 2014

"According to a new survey, 55 percent of Americans think that they are smarter than the average American. Said the average American, '55 percent? That's almost half.'" –Seth Meyers

"New research suggests that people who are more ambitious will live longer. While people who are less ambitious will live longer with their parents." –Seth Meyers

"A new study claims that 1 in 10 Americans no longer carry cash. They’re called English majors." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lies the rich and corporations tell (old fiddles)

When I go into the beauty parlor, I always

use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I

just go in for an estimate. –Phyllis Diller

The age of a woman doesn’t mean a thing.

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

–Sigmund Z. Engel

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I

never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

–W.C. Fields (1879-1946)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally a gay man who's not afraid to stand up and say 'I have my own clothing line.' (God told him to sell pot)

"In California the owner of a Christian medical marijuana dispensary says God told him to sell pot. As proof, he cited the story from the Bible where Jesus miraculously turns water into pizza." –Conan O'Brien

"Jason Collins, the NBA's first openly gay player, has the top-selling jersey in the league store. Yeah, that's great — finally a gay man who's not afraid to stand up and say 'I have my own clothing line.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In California the owner of a Christian medical marijuana dispensary says God told him to sell pot. The dispensary owner said it's right there in the book of Dude-eronomy." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even more amazing, George W. Bush forgot it twice (30th in math, 85th in reading)

December 2013

"Obamacare is still struggling to get off the ground. Experts now say the success or failure of Obamacare will depend on whether young people sign up. Which is why as of today it covers medical marijuana." –Conan O'Brien

"This is a crazy story. For two decades, the secret launch code for America's nuclear missiles was 0000000000. Even more amazing, George W. Bush forgot it twice." –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis revealed that he used to work as a nightclub bouncer. In the same interview he announced that on Tuesday night ladies get into heaven for free." ––Conan O'Brien

"Amazon is testing the delivery of packages by drone. So today U.S. Forces began bombarding Afghanistan with 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.'" –Conan O'Brien

"According to a new report, America's teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America's teenagers will never understand the report because they're 85th in reading." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it sounds like a sports movie starring Al Pacino as a past his prime football coach (No Trickle)

October 2021

“Donald Trump reportedly pressured Mike Pence to help overturn the result by calling him a wimp and a bad friend. Trump used the same tactic as a 14-year-old trying to convince his friend to steal a KitKat from a convenience store.” —Seth Meyers

“But that’s how close we came. Trump tried every avenue he could think of: the courts, the states, the vice president, the Justice Department. He’s like the guy in gridlock traffic who keeps switching lanes, and then throws his hands up when it doesn’t work.” —Seth Meyers

“Mike Pence too has now relented on earlier unease over what happened and has off-handedly referred to the insurrection as ‘one day in January’. One Day in January makes it sound like a sports movie starring Al Pacino as a past his prime football coach.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

two beautiful world wars/masterclass/giving the rich bigger meals

July 2020

“There were several disturbing clips from Trump’s White House interview with Chris Wallace, ‘the only reporter at Fox News who isn’t trying to become the next press secretary’, in what was pretty much a masterclass in how not to let Trump get away with his usual bullshit. 

For example, at one point, Trump claimed the Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden wants to defund the police as a campaign platform, though there’s no evidence for that; when pressed by Wallace to show him the language in Biden’s platform, Trump sputters. 

Oh man, I don’t care how many times I watch it: it is priceless seeing Trump flail around, trying to find a fact that he made up. Later, when asked about renaming military bases named after Confederate generals – a bipartisan effort in Congress – Trump attempted to deflect with the bases’ roles in America’s ‘two beautiful world wars’. 

OK, I’m sorry, what? Two ‘beautiful’ world wars? This dude really can objectify anything. That is such a dumb thing to say that they didn’t even think to put it on the cognitive test.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We have a clinic that can cure you of that! (If it ain't broke, it will be by Tuesday)

July 2011

"Someone said President Obama was wrong for telling the American people to call their representatives about the debt ceiling. If there's one thing that congressmen hate, it's being told what to do by the people that put them there." –Jay Leno

"As they say in Washington, 'If it ain't broke, it will be by Tuesday.'" –Jay Leno

"New Jersey governor Chris Christie was released from the hospital today. Good news. I guess he had some blockage or something. He told reporters he feels "fabulous." When Michele Bachman's husband heard that, he said, "We have a clinic that can cure you of that! We can fix that." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Newsbroke: If The Economy Is Great, Why Aren't We?

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Poor people, get prepared to be trickled down on (I never liked those slippers)

"He's like an old pair of slippers, this guy. Like a gift you didn't particularly want. Wasn't really a good fit. Started a war between your pants and your shirt. But you had them for eight years, and that's something. In hindsight, they did keep your feet slightly warmer than -- ah, f**k... it, I never liked those slippers." –Jon Stewart on George W. Bush

"The point Bush wants to get across is that we should go out and buy his new memoir, 'If I Did It.' No, that's not it.' –Jon Stewart

"Wall Street hands out new bonuses. Poor people, get prepared to be trickled down on." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off (the Accidente)

Some more news here. I saw that Kia just debuted a new electric car that has a dashboard with 21 screens. 21 screens. They even have a name for it: the Accidente. --Jimmy Fallon

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, Trump's signature, for also being a picture of his heart rate while watching Michael Cohen's testimony. --Jimmy Fallon

Thank you, March weather. I can't wait to wake up every day and play the age-old game pleasant spring day or full-blown arctic apocalypse? --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow (Hershey's Just the Tips)

Hey, at one point in the game, I saw Tom Brady yelled out, "Reagan, Reagan," and the Patriots ran the ball to the right. Did you see that? Then later, the Rams ran a play called Trump, and they got sacked by Nancy Pelosi. --Jimmy Fallon

Oh, you guys, I'm now being told that during that last joke, five more Democrats announced they're running for president, and the Rams just punted again. For fun. They just did it for fun. --Jimmy Fallon

Get this -- In a recent intelligence briefing, Trump thought Nepal was part of India. Then later Trump was like, "I know exactly where Nepal is." It's right in the middle of Adam Levine's chest. Yes, he has two. He has two Nepals." --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, the CEO of Hershey says that they're fixing the way they make Kisses so that the tips don't get broken off. That's a good move, because nobody was buying their new product, Hershey's Just the Tips. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

those are the Browns fans, and in September, they'll believe anything (I can explain abstract fiscal policy using analogies about balls)

"President Obama was in Cleveland pitching his latest economic plan. He picked Cleveland because those are the Browns fans, and in September, they'll believe anything." –Jay Leno

"President Obama has introduced a $50 billion plan to rebuild the nation's infrastructure. Now, let's think back, remember the first $187 billion stimulus package, wasn't that what that was supposed to do? Remember when we were told about what were called shovel-ready jobs? Whenever Washington talks about shovel-ready jobs, get your shovel ready." –Jay Leno

"President Obama is trying to back the Republicans into a corner by paying for tax cuts for small businesses with tax hikes on big business. It's like that old trick when you take two balls and throw one in the air to distract your opponent and throw the other one right at his chest. That's right, I can explain abstract fiscal policy using analogies about balls. Tomorrow night we will discuss trickle-down economics." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The apartment has a 24-hour doorman and a 24-hour pharmacy (a commie to be named later)

"How about the big spy thing here in New York. Russia gets 10 of their spies and, I think, a commie to be named later." –David Letterman

"Rush Limbaugh had an apartment here in New York City. He sold the apartment for $11.5 million. That is $2.5 million for the apartment and $9 million for what they found in the medicine cabinet." –David Letterman

"But it was a huge apartment — 4,000 square feet of space. No, wait a minute, that's Rush." –David Letterman

"Rush Limbaugh just sold his penthouse in New York for $11 million. The apartment is amazing. It has a 24-hour doorman and a 24-hour pharmacy." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”