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Showing posts with label Maine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maine. Show all posts

Sunday, August 16, 2026

I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses (after years of touching Canada)


"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson


"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson, May 2009


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, August 1, 2026

Thank God she's not alive to see this (Here's Donnie!)


A Maine Democrat replacing Graham Platner is in a relationship with his second cousin. They have two kids together. Yeah, it turns out they met on the dating site ancestry.com. —Greg Gutfeld 


85-year-old Knots Landing star Donna Mills has joined Only Fans. Thank God she's not alive to see this. —Greg Gutfeld 


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, July 3, 2026

Unfortunately, it will be the nicknames fans give them (without stopping to have sex once)


Major league baseball has announced that they will allow players to wear nicknames on their jerseys for one weekend this season. Unfortunately, it will be the nicknames fans give them. –Seth Meyers


A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Sunday, May 10, 2026

So we're all at risk of exposure to dangerous seepage (after years of touching Canada)


"A study found 1 in 3 Americans lives near a nuclear power plant. And the other 2 live near a Kardashian. So we're all at risk of exposure to dangerous seepage." –Craig Ferguson


"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, August 30, 2025

after years of touching Canada (They blamed others)


"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson, May 2009


"It's Arnold Schwarzenegger's birthday. Arnold celebrated quietly at home with his friends and his families." –Craig Ferguson


"The Murdochs testified before parliament and did something that not many powerful people would have the courage to do: They blamed others." –Craig Ferguson


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Monday, August 25, 2025

Our idiot son-in-law (without stopping to have sex once)


A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers


​​It was announced today that first lady Melania Trump's parents are now officially U.S. citizens. They passed their citizenship test when they were asked, “Who's the president of the United States?” and they replied, “Our idiot son-in-law.” --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, May 15, 2025

How else are we gonna pay back the money we stole from you? (There was a young man from Nantucket)


"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson


"It's groundbreaking to have a poetry slam in the White House. It's never happened before. I think Dick Cheney once held a torture slam. 'There was a young man from Nantucket. I put his head in a bucket.'" --Craig Ferguson


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

Where do they come up with this stuff? (Katie's Crotch Road)


"London's famous Globe Theatre announced plans to perform

Shakespeare's play 'Hamlet' in North Korea. Of course, 'Hamlet' is

about a man on a murderous revenge mission inspired by his late

father. Then Kim Jong Un said, 'Where do they come up with this

stuff?'" –Jimmy Fallon


A town in Maine is facing pressure to rename a street called Katie's Crotch Road. Lawmakers said that they understood people's concerns and announced the street's new name: Linda's Crotch Road. –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Sunday, March 2, 2025

He would have said more but he had to clear the dishes from her table (a tractor trailer carrying frozen curly fries)


In Maine, a tractor trailer carrying frozen curly fries caught fire on the highway. Crap, now I need a new tractor trailer said JB Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld


Don Lemon told Megan Kelly to go F herself after seeing her reaction to Joy Reid's firing. He would have said more but he had to clear the dishes from her table. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, December 20, 2024

Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good (without stopping to have sex once)


Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May,

is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as "The

Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as porridge,"

"extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said Hillary

Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good." –Seth Meyers


A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the

state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once.

--Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, November 5, 2024

a really stoned man and a really stoned woman (full panic mode)


This Saturday is Halloween and a lot of people this year are going as presidential candidates. However, I’m not sure I want to see a slutty Mike Huckabee. –Conan O’Brien


"Yesterday, voters in the state of Maine voted no to gay marriage, but yes to medical marijuana. That's right, people in Maine believe marriage should be a sacred institution between a really stoned man and a really stoned woman." –Conan O'Brien


Analysts are saying that after last night’s dismal performance at the debate, Jeb Bush’s donors are in "full panic mode." Apparently, last night Jeb Bush called his two biggest donors and said, "Calm down, Mom and Dad." –Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Monday, August 26, 2024

How did Arnold Schwarzenegger get onto that ship? (after years of touching Canada)

In "Extant" Halle Berry plays an astronaut who mysteriously winds up pregnant after a space mission. The series will answer the question: How did Arnold Schwarzenegger get onto that ship?—Craig Ferguson


 "Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson, May 2009


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


Tuesday, March 5, 2024

He doesn't look a day over crazy (America's original Willie Nelson)


"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson


"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson


"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, October 26, 2023

I just don't understand why... (like a bunch of street pigeons fighting over a french fry)


After over three weeks of chaos and squabbling in Congress, all 220 Republicans in the House voted for Mike Johnson of Louisiana, a far-right conservative that almost no one has heard of. I think they’re trying to bore everyone into forgetting how extreme he is. 


Mike Johnson is the fake name they give you when you call tech support so it sounds like you’re talking to someone in Kansas when you’re definitely talking to someone in Albania. Johnson was so under the radar that even Senator Susan Collins, a Republican from Maine, admitted to a reporter that she would need to Google him before offering comment. Well when you Google him, you’re going to need to put in more information than just the name Mike Johnson. 


Mike Johnson is such a common name, most of us went to school with one. My Mike Johnson played baseball. This Mike Johnson played a key role in the effort to overturn the election results and was, according to the New York Times, the ‘most important architect’ of the electoral college objections to the 2020 presidential election.


Nevertheless, he now leads the largest body of Congress and is second in line to the presidency, which Republicans celebrated with a large gathering on the Capitol steps. When asked about his unfounded objections to the 2020 election at a press conference, the caucus booed the reporter, which is ridiculous.

Imagine booing someone for asking a simple question after you paralyzed the government for three weeks of spectacle and humiliating incompetence where you screamed and yelled at each other like a bunch of street pigeons fighting over a french fry. —Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Monday, October 23, 2023

These are all bad examples (Learn how to fool yourself)


"Last night the republican governor of Florida refused to come out for a debate. He was upset that his opponent had a fan under the podium to keep cool. Now a governor and a fan are very different, of course. One oscillates back and forth, blowing hot air in everybody's face. And the other one is a fan." –Craig Ferguson


"Do you know in Washington today, a Republican senator from Maine voted with the Democrats on health care? That's the first time a Republican switched sides and was not arrested in an airport bathroom." --Craig Ferguson


"It was Game 1 of the World Series tonight. The Kansas City Royals haven't been in the World Series since 1985. Things were very different back then. Tensions were high with Russia, Congress locked up in partisan bickering, my career was in the dumps. These are all bad examples." –Craig Ferguson


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 



 

Monday, August 28, 2023

How’d you get your battery to last that long?! (it would be modeled after his presidential campaign)


"Scotland announced that it will legalize gay marriage. I don't know what's bigger news, that Scotland did that or that a country where guys wear plaid skirts didn't already have gay marriage." –Jimmy Fallon


Police in Maine just pulled over a man who drove a scooter all the way from Massachusetts using his cell phone as a headlight. Police had a lot of questions, mainly, “How’d you get your battery to last that long?!” --Jimmy Fallon


In his closing comments, Rand Paul said that he is running to create a government so small that you can barely see it. Paul said it would be modeled after his presidential campaign. –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 



 

Friday, August 11, 2023

Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada (Peace on Earth)


"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson February 2013


"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson, May 2009


"G.I. Joe was created on this day in 1964, so tonight G.I. Joe’s going out with Ken to celebrate his birthday and the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell." –Craig Ferguson 2/9/11


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Friday, June 30, 2023

The strangest transformation in human history (unbelievably without stopping to have sex once)


It was reported today that Cuba will open its first sex shop. It's called Fideldo's. --Seth Meyers


A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers


Boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 MAX jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Either that or Jerry in marketing finally got that raise. “Wow! Wow, Jerry, looking good!” --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 



 

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

He's only winning states with a huge African-American population -- like Maine (You're bored?)


This week, Wisconsin is hosting the U.S. Cheese Championship. Once again, the winner is expected to be “Heart Disease.” –Conan O’Brien


"Since losing the election, Mitt Romney is reportedly bored. After hearing this, Ann Romney said, 'You're bored? I'm sitting around all day with Mitt Romney.'" –Conan O'Brien


"Senator Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama's success by saying, 'He's only winning states with a huge African-American population -- like Maine.'" --Conan O'Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”