Operation Pig in a Blanket (it was just too many diapers to change/Double-D.C.)

More details came out about President Trump’s covert exit from Air Force One in a catering container last month. The Secret Service named it “Operation Pig in a Blanket.” —Anthony Anderson

“Today, Trump announced that Karoline Leavitt is resigning as White House press secretary. Leavitt has a toddler and a baby and a husband who’s 32 years older than her. So between that and working for Trump, it was just too many diapers to change.” —Anthony Anderson

“We don’t know who the new press secretary will be or which beauty pageant she is the runner-up in. But if you’re interested in the job, send your résumé, head shot and cup size to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, Double-D.C.” —Anthony Anderson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It says ‘Epstein files’? Don’t open it!’ (Because the president flies with an extra emotional support plane)

On Wednesday, President Trump left the NATO summit in Turkey on his old Air Force One instead of a new Qatari-donated Boeing 747-8 after the Secret Service urged the switch as a security precaution amid hostilities with Iran, according to people briefed on the plans. Did they bring both Air Force Ones? Is that why there’s no gas in the world anymore? Because the president flies with an extra emotional support plane? — Ronny Chieng

Also, you know what happens any time they switch planes on you, OK? Trump definitely lost his luggage. He’s calling them like, ‘Hey, did you guys find a box? It says ‘Epstein files’? Don’t open it!’ — Ronny Chieng

“I mean, it is a little suspicious. It’s like being at a party where the toilet’s overflowing and all of a sudden, I’m like, ‘OK, everyone, I have to leave immediately. No one read into this, please.’” — Ronny Chieng

“And, of course, we had to abandon the Qatari plane for security concerns. Of course that happened. This is why when it comes to the most important plane in the world, you don’t go certified pre-owned.” — Ronny Chieng

“America should spring for a new one, and Trump should give the Qatar plane to, I don’t know, give it to Southwest. I’ll fly in it. I don’t care if they spy on me. What are you going to do, find out I’m watching my own movies on the entertainment system? I’m not ashamed! I’m great in them.” — Ronny Chieng

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

12 bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade (One snag)

Vice President JD Vance has agreed to appear on The View. One snag, they can't find a Secret Service agent willing to pat down Whoopi Goldberg. —Greg Gutfeld 

Kamala Harris's appearance in a new Netflix documentary is creating a buzz that she'll run again. Also creating a buzz, Kamala's 12 bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, AI, can you start Monday? (which you could get in three sizes: poodle, doberman and JD Vance)

Jon Stewart replayed some footage from the chaos during the attack at the White House correspondents dinner, with clips of people grabbing bottles of alcohol for themselves and one man continuing to calmly eat his salad as Secret Service agents rushed to evacuate the president and thwart the attacker. “There have been times I have been very worried about artificial intelligence and whether or not it’s going to replace us. And then there are other times where I think, ‘Hey, AI, can you start Monday?’ —Jon Stewart

On the Daily Show, Josh Johnson also recapped the state visit from King Charles, the “the world’s oldest nepo baby” to Congress, because “even though our country is falling apart right now, it’s also our 250th birthday. So no matter how sad the party is going to be, our friends are still coming over. Then on the ride home they’ll be like: ‘She is a rough 250.’ —Josh Johnson

“Donald Trump desperately wants to be a king. We all know this. He loves pageantry and fanfare and putting his face and name on everything. His official store sells everything from Trump golf balls to Trump beer koozies to Trump pickleball paddles to Trump dog collars, which you could get in three sizes: poodle, doberman and JD Vance.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

She's a toddler with a gold medal (He forgot it was pizza bagel night)

"Over in the Middle East, Saddam Hussein's hunger strike is 

officially over. Saddam went on a hunger strike Thursday 

morning to protest the murder of his lawyer. They brought 

him lunch and he refused. And then dinner came and he ate. 

He forgot it was pizza bagel night." –Jimmy Kimmel

It's tricky for journalists to write about Caitlyn Jenner, because 

she was a 65-year-old man, now she's a 2-year-old woman. She's 

a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive. –Jimmy Kimmel

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: Jokes of the Week - October 5, 2014

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is there a doctor in the house? (everyone knows that money was earmarked for Somalian thieves)

An indicted House Democrat could be expelled from Congress. She allegedly stole millions in COVID funds and everyone knows that money was earmarked for Somalian thieves. —Greg Gutfeld

A Secret Service agent guarding Jill Biden shot himself in the leg at the Philly at the Philly airport on Friday. When he screamed, "Is there a doctor in the house?" Jill said yes and quickly started reading him a children's book. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In my day we weren't so sensitive (Riiiight…)

Now that the dust has settled from the Democratic debate, it looks like Hillary Clinton is going to remain the Democratic front-runner. And believe it or not over on the Republican side, Donald Trump is still in the lead. And now Trump is saying that he should be given Secret Service protection. As opposed to his current security: having Gary Busey follow him around with some nunchucks. –Jimmy Fallon

At the debate on Tuesday Democratic candidate Lincoln Chafee bragged about the fact that in 30 years of public service, he’s never had one scandal. Well, it just came out that Chafee once used taxpayer money to buy frogs for his office aquarium. People said, “Well at least it wasn't a sex scandal.” And Chafee said, “Riiiight…” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, that must mean large amounts are good for you (because she was always in the way)

A new study shows that consuming small amounts of alcohol were linked to dementia. “Wow, that must mean large amounts are good for you," said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

A new report says Joe Biden's Secret Service had an obese female agent who failed fitness tests and moonlighted as a plus-size model. But staffers say she was the best at protecting Joe from a bullet because she was always in the way. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

to raise some extra cash, the Secret Service is using Joe Biden’s hearse as an Uber (US military presence in the Middle East)

“The government shutdown is taking its toll. It’s so bad that Jerry Nadler had to cut back on his diaper service, Hakeem Jeffries had to pawn his sombreros, paychecks are no longer being sent to Rashida Tlaib’s team of electrologists and, since there is no funding, they just repossessed the thing on top of Maxine Waters’ head.” — Greg Gutfeld

“But this is nice — to raise some extra cash, the Secret Service is using Joe Biden’s hearse as an Uber.” — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only shots these agents were blocking were coming from José Cuervo (Countries ranked by prosperity)

Football player Travis Kelce is expected to retire after the 2026 NFL season. So, he marries rich, then stops working. Who does he think he is? A woman? —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump just revoked Kamala Harris's Secret Service protection, which had been secretly extended by Joe Biden. I guess it makes sense. The only shots these agents were blocking were coming from José Cuervo. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You sure man? (redefining stupid)

"Oh this isn't good. The Secret Service just arrested 13 people in New Jersey who were making counterfeit money. Which got worse when the counterfeiters said, 'Are you sure this isn't something a seven-dollar bill can't get me out of?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Home Depot just had its best quarter in company history. When asked what they'll do with the money, Home Depot said, "Hire a second employee." --Jimmy Fallon

"Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced he is against medical marijuana in the state because it could hurt the tourism industry. Then Jamaica was like, 'You sure man?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the Secret Service code name for Joe Biden (I'm on my way, said Bill Clinton)

On Monday night, a player nicknamed the Big Dumper won the Home Run Derby. Coincidentally, Big Dumper was the Secret Service code name for Joe Biden. —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, a strange new hole has appeared in Yellowstone National Park. Strange new hole. I'm on my way, said Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

Now, Trump just had the greatest start to a presidency in history. I haven't seen anything come out of the gate this fast since Joy Behar won the Kentucky Derby. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, join the club (He was like a president and a Secret Service agent all rolled into one)

"Earlier today, British Petroleum began this operation known as 'top kill,' which comes on the heels of their previous operations, 'fish kill' and 'bird kill.'" –Jay Leno

"Former President Bill Clinton posed for pictures with his arms around two women, both of whom turned out to be famous porn stars. See, this is why we miss Clinton. He was like a president and a Secret Service agent all rolled into one." –Jay Leno

"And during a speech at a high school, former President George W. Bush said he's really enjoying the fact that he's no longer president. Hey, join the club." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well I see your point about the plane, but what about a Hummer (867-5309)

Former FBI director James Comey is being investigated by the Secret Service for posting 8647 on Instagram allegedly code for killing President Trump. He's also being investigated for threatening Jenny by posting 867-5309. —Greg Gutfeld

Hillary Clinton weighed in on the cutter plane gift by tweeting "No one gives someone a $400 million jet for free without expecting anything in return." Well I see your point about the plane, but what about a Hummer. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He has a thing for the help (Brazilian wax)

So Kamala Harris went for a drink at a New York City bar taking a slew of bodyguards including Secret Service along with her. Why so many agents? Well there was one to protect Kamala and ten to keep Doug from impregnating the staff. He has a thing for the help. Who doesn’t? —Greg Gutfeld

The suspect accused of plotting to kill fans at Lady Gaga's concert in Rio de Janeiro was an illegal that was just deported from the United States. Upon hearing the news Senator Van Hollen immediately flew there to personally give him a Brazilian wax. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

National Beer Day (I'll drink to that)

So yesterday is National Beer Day, which means today is how do I get Lizzo out of my bed day. —Greg Gutfeld

The Supreme Court has cleared the way for Venezuelan deportations to resume. Now how will The Squad get laid? —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile JD Vance hosted his mom at the White House to celebrate her 10 years of sobriety. "I'll drink to that," said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Donald Trump met with the world champion Los Angeles Dodgers at the White House where Trump used the opportunity to deport Shohei Ohtani. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyway, he's now in a prison in El Salvador ("Wow. That's great," said ducks.)

Scientists say that they've developed a way of making foie gras that does not involve force-feeding ducks. "Wow. That's great," said ducks. "What about the murder?” —Colin Jost

This week, the Secret Service intercepted a toddler after he slipped through the fence outside the White House. Anyway, he's now in a prison in El Salvador. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Crap did I have another one? (She has a name!)

So on Wednesday the Secret Service removed a child from the White House lawn after he slipped through the fence. Crap did I have another one, said Elon Musk. —Greg Gutfeld

At the DOGE hearing on funding PBS, Democrat Greg Casar asked if Miss Piggy has ever been caught trying to funnel billions in government contracts to herself and her companies. Viewers were offended he would use such a slur against Stacey Abrams. She has a name! —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s called “YOU Try It First.” (there is no way he’d ever have a study)

Engineers have crafted a futuristic jetpack that lets you fly up to

10,000 feet in the air. It even has a cool name: It’s called “YOU

Try It First.” --Jimmy Fallon

A man claims that this weekend, he snuck past Secret Service at

Mar-a-Lago to take a selfie in President Trump’s private study.

But Trump is denying this, saying there is no way he’d ever have

a study. –Jimmy Fallon

"Former President George W. Bush just signed a $7 million book

deal, though, reportedly, he thought it was to read one."

--Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”