He wants to spend more time with his wife, Paula Abdullah (his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il)

"In Afghanistan Abdullah Abdullah says he is pulling out of the race because he wants to spend more time with his wife, Paula Abdullah." –David Letterman

"Abdullah Abdullah may be out of the race, but they say in four years his idiot son will be on the ballot. That would be Abdullah W. Abdullah." –David Letterman

"North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He doesn't look a day over crazy (America's original Willie Nelson)

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson

"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king? (you're one president too late)

"North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il." –David Letterman

"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late." –David Letterman

"It's day nine of the government shutdown. Are you like me? Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Which one’s married to Kanye? (Yes, I don't)

Donald Trump just gave an interview where he appeared to confuse Kim Jong Un with his father, Kim Jong Il. It got worse when Trump was like, “Which one’s married to Kanye?” –Jimmy Fallon

Former FBI Director James Comey was interviewed on ABC last night, and he said that Trump often changes his story and contradicts himself. In response, Trump said, "Yes, I don't." --Jimmy Fallon

Ted Cruz and his wife appeared in a town hall on CNN recently and his wife said that after they got back from their honeymoon, Ted bought 100 cans of Campbell's chunky soup. But to be fair, I feel like anyone who has watched this election is probably stocking up on canned goods. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy (He was America's original Willie Nelson)

"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

“Everyone throws beads on Mardi Gras. The beads are paid for by local businessmen who ride on elaborate floats and toss little trinkets to the desperate masses in the streets. Which is also Mitt Romney's economic plan.” –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And you know that is how we do stuff. We launch the attack then we look for the evidence. (we will be greeted as liberators)

"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying

to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one

president too late." –David Letterman

"North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il." –David Letterman

"NASA is going to launch a rocket to the moon on Friday. They're going to shoot a rocket to the moon. Just going to -- kaboom, kaboom! The government says don't worry, that they're pretty certain we will be greeted as liberators." --David Letterman

"We're bombing the moon. We're attacking the moon. And we hope to find out if there's water. And you know that is how we do stuff. We launch the attack then we look for the evidence." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer (but he doesn't look a day over crazy)

"It's a bad day for General Motors. They're shutting down the Hummer. The Chinese were going to buy it, but after careful consideration, the Chinese decided they don't want it. You know you're in pretty bad shape when you can't even give away a Hummer." –Craig Ferguson

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

"Did you hear that Rush Limbaugh's Manhattan penthouse is on the market for $14 million? It's an amazing property. Over 4,000 square feet. And that's just the medicine cabinet." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was America's original Willie Nelson (but he doesn't look a day over crazy)

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson

"Well done, Seattle. I think they needed this to cement their reputation. Before last night, the meanest guy from Seattle was 'Frasier.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Poor Denver Broncos. Experts said they haven't seen something crushed like that in New Jersey since Chris Christie's bean bag chair." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment? (Kim Jong Kardashi-un)

April 2012

"Good news coming out of North Korea. You know they had Kim Jong Il and he passed away so his son Kim Jong Un is now the leader. He has a new girlfriend — Kim Jong Kardashi-un." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million, and reporters said, "Mitt, honestly, how did you get so rich?' And he said, 'Well, I've always been good with my money and I do smart things. I always make sure my tires are properly inflated. And I save 15 percent on my car insurance by switching to Geico.'" –David Letterman

"Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?" –David Letterman

"A new survey indicates that Obama supporters love iPhones. So if you have an iPhone, chances are you are going to be supporting President Obama. In a related story, if you support Governor Chris Christie from New Jersey, chances are you love IHOP." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now the next one is going to be in black and white and silent (don't wait for others to agree)

February 2012

“All these GOP debates. They had debates with podiums, debates with chairs, a table, bunk beds. Now the next one is going to be in black and white and silent.” –David Letterman

“The North Korean news agency reports that birds and pandas are sobbing and moaning over beloved leader Kim Jong Il’s death. Wait! Is it possible they're sobbing and moaning because they live in North Korea?” –David Letterman

“The latest polls show Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum neck and neck. Not to be confused with Newt Gingrich, who is shown in the polls as chin to chin.” –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s supposed to come out Friday between 10 and 2 (a surprise party in hell)

                                                                                

                                                                            February 2012

"Iran and its nukes. They’ve got the rods all ready to go into the reactor. They’re waiting on the installer. He’s supposed to come out Friday between 10 and 2." –David Letterman

“Kim Jong Il would have been 70 years old today if he hadn't died a couple of months ago. But don't worry. Osama bin Laden threw him a surprise party in hell.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney is sinking in the polls. That is the magic of a Donald Trump endorsement right there.” –David Letterman

“The band Megadeth has endorsed Rick Santorum. I think I'm going to wait and see who Metallica likes.” –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No more hockey highlight DVDs for Kim Jong Il (Well, I wasn’t going to marry him)

August 2011

"Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Poll. She said she hasn't been this excited since she won last year's 'Who's Crazier Than Sarah Palin' contest.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Tim Pawlenty announced that he's dropping out of the race for president. Pawlenty said he wants to spend more time with his family because even they don't know who he is." –Conan O'Brien

"Canada imposed a ban on trade with North Korea. No more hockey highlight DVDs for Kim Jong Il." –Conan O'Brien
 

"The NYPD created a new unit that will use social media sites to catch criminals. Criminal caught on Facebook and Twitter will be arrested, while criminals caught on MySpace will be told about Facebook." –Conan O'Brien

"Republican Congressman Phil Hinkle, who voted to ban gay marriage, was caught propositioning a male prostitute. Hinkle said, 'Well, I wasn’t going to marry him.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They say their first clue was when they were shot at by penguins (I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that)

"Scientists have discovered that Texas and Antarctica were once linked. They say their first clue was when they were shot at by penguins." –Conan O'Brien 

"A new study shows that Americans with Type 2 diabetes can completely reverse the disease by eating healthy foods. In other words, no cure for Type 2 diabetes." –Conan O'Brien

Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton said she is in favor of building a wall between Mexico and the United States. After hearing this, former President Bill Clinton said, 'She means a metaphorical wall of silence and resentment. Trust me.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright called North Korea's leader Kim Jung Il a pervert. In response, Kim Jung Il said 'I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that to my ass.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's the first time that someone's end-of-the-world prediction was followed by Have a great summer (leather masks)

"The preacher who predicted the apocalypse last weekend now predicts that the world will end in October. It's the first time that someone's end-of-the-world prediction was followed by 'Have a great summer.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"Last night at a Texas Ranger game ex-President Bush almost got hit with a foul ball. He vowed revenge on the player, but we all know Obama will be the one to actually get him." –Conan O'Brien

Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton said she is in favor of building a wall between Mexico and the United States. After hearing this, former President Bill Clinton said, 'She means a metaphorical wall of silence and resentment. Trust me.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright called North Korea's leader Kim Jung Il a pervert. In response, Kim Jung Il said 'I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that to my ass.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So some good may come out of this (it was immediately eaten by 28 million people)

"NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew 'The Apprentice.' So some good may come out of this." –Conan O'Brien 

"President Obama is celebrating Passover with a Passover Seder. After hearing this, Sarah Palin said, 'Ah, so he is a Muslim.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Republican Rick Santorum got rid of his campaign slogan after he found it was similar to one coined by a gay man. No word yet on why he chose, 'Rick Santorum for President. I Love Penises.'" –Conan O'Brien

"To celebrate Kim Jong Il's birthday. North Korea held the biggest magic show ever. Things got out of control when the magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat and it was immediately eaten by 28 million people." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He doesn't look a day over crazy (Oh wait, that's me)

"Now that Hosni Mubarak is out of office, they're saying he's an old tyrant, decrepit, and out of touch. Oh wait, that's me." –David Letterman

"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama met with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg in Silicon Valley yesterday. Zuckerberg said he could create new jobs. The bad news? They're all in Farmville." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that to my... (In a related story, Pope Francis is missing)

"TSA Chief John Pistole says he and his boss Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano have each personally received the more invasive TSA patdown. They both had it. Ya, it's been called the world's least sexy threesome." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump wants to see if people think he should run for President. So a website has been launched called 'Shouldtrumprun.com.' Yeah, don't worry the American public has responded with their own website 'No.com.'" –Conan O'Brien

Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton said she is in favor of building a wall between Mexico and the United States. After hearing this, former President Bill Clinton said, 'She means a metaphorical wall of silence and resentment. Trust me.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright called North Korea's leader Kim Jung Il a pervert. In response, Kim Jung Il said 'I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that to my ass.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that to my a** (Pope Francis is missing?)

A new home has been found for some geese in Kailua, Hawaii. Some private landowners wanted the geese off their property, but there was a public outcry after an exterminator had been sent to kill all the ducks and geese on Enchanted Lake. It might be time to reassess your career choices when you’re waking up in the morning and saying, “Well, time to kill everything on Enchanted Lake.” --Stephen Colbert

"As if all this news is not bad enough, today, President Bush announced he's on the case. Because if there's one name that comes to mind when you're in a no-room-for-error crisis, it's George Bush." --Bill Maher

Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien

"Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright called North Korea's leader Kim Jung Il a pervert. In response, Kim Jung Il said 'I dare her to put on a leather mask and say that to my ass.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is the principal difference between a dog and man (They don't have a witch running)

"They say the Chilean miners have been rescued from a subterranean hell. Have they not heard of the New York subway?" –David Letterman

"North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il." –David Letterman

"The midterm elections are in a few weeks, and the Democrats are at a huge disadvantage, and I'll tell you why. They don't have a witch running." –David Letterman

"People are saying that everything is Obama's fault – he hasn't dug us out of Bush's recession and two wars fast enough. That's the problem." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”