I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your... (If Not Now, When?)

"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got to avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He repaid the donor by having him for breakfast (he will be forced to stay married to three women)

A New Hampshire man is the latest to get a kidney transplant from a gene-edited pig. He repaid the donor by having him for breakfast. —Greg Gutfeld 

A North Carolina husband married to three women has been arrested on bigamy charges. If found guilty, he will be forced to stay married to three women. —Greg Gutfeld

So, Kamala Harris appeared on The View today. It took her 10 minutes before she realized it was Animal Planet. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They don't build'em like they used to (she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower)

Nancy Grace is leaving Headline News in October. The network announced she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower. –Conan O’Brien

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet. –Conan O’Brien

In a speech yesterday, Donald Trump spoke in favor of waterboarding. Trump said, "It’s how I got two of my three wives to say yes." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters (We have lied about everything)

"Sarah Palin spoke out this week against the health care reform bill, saying, 'Elections have consequences.' Well, of course, elections have consequences. That's why right now, instead of being vice president of the United States, she's trying to get a reality show on the Animal Planet." –Jay Leno

"You know, not a single Republican voted for the health care bill. They claim the U.S. government isn't qualified to be in the health care business. Hey, they kept Dick Cheney alive the last 30 years. It's got to be worth something." –Jay Leno

"And of course, a lot of right wingers are very upset about this because they believe this health care bill will cost a lot of money. You know what I think? Just pretend it's another unnecessary war. You'll feel better about it already." –Jay Leno

"More and more Republicans are calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the campaign. Well, I don't want to say things look bad for Newt, but his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump's hair will be making an appearance on Animal Planet (this is not a publicity stunt)

"The air traffic controllers are sleeping, the TSA is groping you, and the pilots are drunk. Who would have thought the most reliable workers at the airport would be the baggage handlers?" –Jay Leno

"Barack and Michelle Obama will appear on Oprah's show soon. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump's hair will be making an appearance on Animal Planet." –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump says he has never been more serious about running for president and that this is not a publicity stunt — but make sure to watch the announcement on the season finale of 'Celebrity Apprentice.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The writers are going on strike on Monday. They are calling this the toughest time for comedy writing since those three weeks back in the '90s when Bill Clinton stopped dating." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

because she can see the moon from her house (Game on!)

"There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take." –Bill Maher

"You saw the big controversy with Michele Bachmann. She did not look directly into the camera, which made it harder for the teabaggers to masturbate." –Bill Maher

"Michele Bachmann didn't look into the camera. She said American was created by a miracle, and secret armies of IRS agents are trying to take away your light bulbs. And then Sarah Palin tweeted, 'Game on, bitch." –Bill Maher

"Palin is an expert on Sputnik, she said, because she can see the moon from her house." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This lovely moment in American history is brought to you by... (kind of like the ethics regulations in Congress)

"Sarah Palin spoke out this week against the healthcare reform bill, saying, 'Elections have consequences.' Well, of course, elections have consequences. That's why right now, instead of being vice president of the United States, she's trying to get a reality show on the Animal Planet." –Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Robert Gates announced today that the Pentagon will ease up on its enforcement of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. He said homosexual behavior will still be against the rules, but nobody will actively enforce it. You know, kind of like the ethics regulations in Congress." –Jay Leno

"Today in Arizona, John McCain and Sarah Palin appeared together at a campaign rally. Palin gave her standard stump speech, which means you ask a question, and she's stumped." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even scarier for the parents, all their kids got A’s (Puppy Bowl)

According to reports, President Trump will release his $1.5 trillion infrastructure plan on Monday. Apparently, he wants to take the weekend to practice saying “infrastructure.” --Seth Meyers

An Illinois high school teacher has come under fire after he included equations about cocaine and getting high in a homework assignment. Even scarier for the parents, all their kids got A’s. --Seth Meyers

Over 3 million people watched Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl” this Sunday. Followed by the tragic season finale of “This Is Pups.” --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the Little Long Tails are going up against their arch rival (red laser pointer)

Over on the Animal Planet, they’re holding their 14th annual Puppy Bowl. This year it will feature Team Ruff vs. Team Fluff. And if you’re curious which team is better, please visit www.gamblersanonymous.org. --Jimmy Fallon

Sunday is also the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel. It will feature the Little Long Tails going up against their rival, a red laser pointer. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html 

Washington’s Super Bowl (Richard Branson’s yacht)

People are calling Comey’s testimony Washington’s Super Bowl, and I hear Animal Planet is even airing the “Puppy Comey Testimony.” –Stephen Colbert

Now, all in all, Comey says he spoke with Trump nine times in four months. In contrast, he spoke with President Obama only twice during his entire tenure, “once in 2015 to discuss law enforcement policy issues, and a second time, briefly, for him to say good-bye in late 2016.” Oh, and a third time a couple weeks ago when he asked if I wanted to just say “screw it” and go hang out with him and Oprah on Richard Branson’s yacht. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

But no one mentioned that their banana bread is delicious, to die for (some ammo and an old man's face)

"Speaking of guarding our ports, the Bush administration today ordered a no-bid contract to a Chinese country to scan for incoming nukes in our cargo. The contract was awarded at a formal ceremony in front of a back drop that said, 'Still not getting it.'" --Bill Maher

"Well President Bush was everywhere this week, wasn't he? He doesn't give a press conference for three years and now we can't get him to shut-up. And, of course, he was blaming the troubles in  Iraq on the media, saying 'they're not reporting the good news.' Maybe that's true. For example, today in Baghdad, it was widely reported that gunmen killed four workers in a bakery. But no one mentioned that their banana bread is delicious, to die for." --Bill Maher

 "Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got to avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands

Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet. –Conan O’Brien

There's a huge financial crisis in Greece. They're in terrible trouble. Greece announced they're going to default on their nearly $1.8 billion loan. Who would have thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke? –Conan O’Brien

Are you better off than you were four wives ago?

"Barack and Michelle Obama will appear on Oprah's show soon. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump's hair will be making an appearance on Animal Planet." –Jay Leno



"Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'" –Conan O'Brien 



"Donald Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?''" –Bill Maher