It was the longest in history, lasting almost two full diapers (if it comes down to either him or Meghan Markle)

President Trump's State of the Union address this week was the longest in history, lasting almost two full diapers. —Colin Jost

Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, the former prince and current river corpse...has been arrested and now may be banned from ever taking the throne. In fact, the royal family said the only way he can become king is if it comes down to either him or Meghan Markle. —Colin Jost

Thursday was National Small Dog Day, which is celebrated every February by hawks. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says it was all due to just one new customer (Prince Harry's Testicles)

So, the DOJ is looking into how Ilhan Omar's husband’s wine business jumped from one to five million in 2024. He says it was all due to just one new customer, Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Sources claim Meghan Markle's Netflix show With Love will not be returning for a third season. Also not returning for a third season, Prince Harry's Testicles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Crap, did I sleep with CNN? (So he’s available?)

It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

Jacksonville Jaguars coach Gus Bradley was fired yesterday after the team lost nine games in a row. Or as the Cleveland Browns put it, “So he’s available?” –Jimmy Fallon

This morning, CNN filed a lawsuit against President Trump. When he found out, Trump was furious. He was like, "Crap, did I sleep with CNN?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Step 1: Sit and wait for food (blinking)

I heard that Meghan Markle is coming out with a cookbook. Since she's a royal, the cookbook just says: "Step 1: Sit and wait for food." --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Coca-Cola is selling a new drink in Japan called "Coca-Cola Coffee Plus.” They say it’s great if you like Coke, love coffee, and hate blinking. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was given a choice of having it done surgically or by marrying Meghan Markle (How fascism starts)

70,000 Cambodian monks have nominated Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize, but the White House asserts this has nothing to do with the newly opened Trump monastery in Cambodia. —Greg Gutfeld

A serial pedophile in Louisiana has agreed to be castrated as part of a plea deal. He was given a choice of having it done surgically or by marrying Meghan Markle. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the one who almost got away (the old fashioned way)

The Department of Health and Human Services will now end federal funding for sex changes on children. Yeah, I agree. So now, if a boy wants to get rid of his testicles, he has to do it the old fashioned way by marrying Meghan Markle. —Greg Gutfeld 

A man named Daniel McCormack married conjoined twin Carmen Andrade, but he says they'll always think of her sister as the one who almost got away. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it renders you as useless as a member of the royal family (he would pay women $130,000 to watch Hannity’s show)

Meghan Markle’s nephew is creating a strain of marijuana called the "Markle Sparkle." The marijuana is so strong it renders you as useless as a member of the royal family. --Conan O’Brien

It has come out today that President Trump's lawyer Michael Cohen also represents Fox News host Sean Hannity. Apparently, Cohen would pay women $130,000 to watch Hannity’s show. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you asked for equal pay and you got five new emojis (King Mookie)

It's come out that Red Sox star Mookie Betts is related to soon-to-be royal Meghan Markle. This means there's a chance that one day there will be a "King Mookie." --Conan O’Brien

Google has created several new emojis aimed at empowering women. So congratulations women, you asked for equal pay and you got five new emojis. –Conan O’Brien

A senator made history this week by breastfeeding in the Senate Chamber. The bad news is, it was Mitch McConnell. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's 33 miles per gallon (Kiss)

President Trump announced a new trade deal with the U.K. that will reopen British markets for American companies. All that Britain demands in return is that we keep Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. —Colin Jost

Insiders are saying that President Trump is trying to create tension between his potential successors, Marco Rubio and J.D. Vance, mostly by pointing at them and saying, “Kiss." —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which has the public demanding more wildfires (finger quotes)

Meghan Markle is postponing the debut of her latest Netflix show due to the concern over wildfires. Which has the public demanding more wildfires. —Greg Gutfeld       

So with Donald Trump becoming president Rachel Maddow will return to MSNBC five nights a week. In related news Doritos will be adding more asbestos. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I've changed my mind on immigrants (Choke him out, Jeeves)

Last night was the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on CBS, and it featured models from Brazil, Sweden, and Brazil, Sweden,. Or as Donald Trump put it, “I've changed my mind on immigrants.” –Jimmy Fallon

“In his forthcoming book, Prince Harry claims that Prince William once knocked him to the floor during an argument about Meghan. Apparently the fight happened at the Buckingham Waffle Palace. It's fun when royals fight 'cause they keep their pinkies out. Harry was shocked because usually when they fight, they just stand back and tell their butlers what to do. ‘Now, perhaps a knee to the groin.’ ‘Choke him out, Jeeves.’”  —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess my bologna really does have a first name (I will never be sober again)

Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert

Audience, I’m worried that once they make self-driving cars, I will never be sober again. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire (Step 1: Sit and wait for food)

The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire. --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that Meghan Markle is coming out with a cookbook. Since she's a royal, the cookbook just says: "Step 1: Sit and wait for food." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The bad news is, it was Mitch McConnell (King Mookie)

It's come out that Red Sox star Mookie Betts is related to soon-to-be royal Meghan Markle. This means there's a chance that one day there will be a "King Mookie." --Conan O’Brien

"Dick Cheney says he gives President Obama high marks on getting bin Laden. He said, 'Trust me, I know how hard it is to shoot someone in the face.'" –Conan O'Brien

A senator made history this week by breastfeeding in the Senate Chamber. The bad news is, it was Mitch McConnell. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants (So he’s available?)

Jacksonville Jaguars coach Gus Bradley was fired yesterday after the team lost nine games in a row. Or as the Cleveland Browns put it, “So he’s available?” –Jimmy Fallon

The biggest dog in the world lives in the U.K. and on its hind legs stands at 7 feet, 6 inches tall. When asked if he likes being taken for a walk, his owner said, “I love it.” –Jimmy Fallon

It was reported recently that Prince Harry will opt out of the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan Markle's love of animals. Said Queen Elizabeth, "Oh, you misunderstood. We're shooting peasants." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Wow – how’d they get a venue so quick?! (Does this mean I can stay in my pajamas?)

Another big story is that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle. And it was announced that they’ll marry at Windsor Castle this May. Right now, every bride is asking, “Wow – how’d they get a venue so quick?!” –Jimmy Fallon

A little drama out of Washington today. Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi canceled their meeting with President Trump, after he attacked them on Twitter. Then Trump was like, “Does this mean I can stay in my pajamas?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Four and a half is basically six is also what he tells Melania (attempt to return Meghan)

Michael Cohen testified that Donald Trump’s three oldest children were involved in putting together financial statements for his company. Ivanka wrote the summaries, Don Jr. put together the numbers and Eric licked the envelopes. —Michael Che

Michael Cohen testified that Trump would look at the total value of his assets and say, ‘I’m actually not worth 4.5 Billion dollars, I’m really worth more like 6.’ Four and a half is basically six is also what he tells Melania. —Michael Che

King Charles will visit Kenya next week where he is expected to acknowledge Britain’s role in the slave trade and unfortunately attempt to return Meghan. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire (Step 1: Sit and wait for food)

President Trump is on the campaign trail. He's spending the night in Las Vegas, which means tomorrow he'll wake up in a hotel room with a tiger, a baby, and a face tattoo. --Jimmy Fallon

The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire. --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that Meghan Markle is coming out with a cookbook. Since she's a royal, the cookbook just says: "Step 1: Sit and wait for food." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien (King Mookie)

"Bristol Palin's new book says she lost her virginity on a night when she had too many wine coolers. It's in the chapter “Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien.'" –Conan O'Brien

A restaurant in Pennsylvania has unveiled a pizza inspired by Hillary Clinton. Apparently, the pizza is not that fresh or tasty, but it sticks around your stomach until all the other food has given up. –Conan O’Brien

It's come out that Red Sox star Mookie Betts is related to soon-to-be royal Meghan Markle. This means there's a chance that one day there will be a "King Mookie." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”