“I’m on my way!!,” said R. Kelly (you're probably not big on warnings)

According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish this week. “I’m on my way!!” said R. Kelly. --Seth Meyers

Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m on my way!! (Ze robot vill hug you now)

Scientists in Germany have programmed a robot to hug humans due to research showing hugs can reduce stress and help stave off illness. Which is the most German reaction to that news. “Oh, you need a hug? Come here — let me build you a robot. Ze robot vill hug you now.” --Seth Meyers

According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish this week. “I’m on my way!!” said R. Kelly. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings (So there's enough for two people)

A Maryland couple is suing their realtor because they say the agent knew the home was infested with snakes, but sold it to them anyway. In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice. —Seth Meyers

Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you're swimming in New Jersey rivers, you're probably not big on warnings. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m just kidding – it’s still an ass-over-tea-kettle clusterf*ck (I will admit, by lunch, I was a little over it)

“I missed my writers so much during the strike. I was so happy — so happy to see them this morning. I will admit, by lunch, I was a little over it.” — Seth Meyers

“And yet somehow, this fraud trial could end up being the least of Donald Trump’s concerns, as he has four upcoming criminal trials, three of which have trial dates scheduled. The faraway frontrunner for the GOP nomination is facing four indictments and a civil fraud case against his entire business. But fair is fair, and I do want to give the Republican party credit. I’m happy to report that in the five months since we were last on the air, the GOP has undergone a radical transformation into a serious, sober-minded collection of diligent professionals capable of competently administering the basic functions of government. I’m just kidding – it’s still an ass-over-tea-kettle clusterfuck.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

“I’m on my way!!” said R. Kelly (Come with me, if you want to live)

The latest polls show Hillary Clinton now leads Donald Trump by 12 points nationally. I guess she's getting some traction from her new slogan, "Come with me, if you want to live." –Seth Meyers

Former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain said in a speech today that he feels Donald Trump is not a racist. Said Trump, "Thank you, Ben Carson." –Seth Meyers

According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish this week. “I’m on my way!!” said R. Kelly. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert (18 months ahead of schedule)

"Well, the publisher was impressed that Sarah Palin finished the book four months ahead of schedule. That's not a big deal. She finished her term as governor 18 months ahead of schedule." --Jay Leno

"Cher has turned down an invitation to sing at the 2014 Olympics in Russia because of Russia's anti-gay laws. Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert." –Jay Leno

"Scientists in Stockholm say hundreds of jellyfish have shut down a nuclear reactor. Hey, that's nothing. In this country, a bunch of spineless jellyfish have shut down the entire government." –Jay Leno

"No, actually, experts say this $5 billion project of President Obama's could lead to the development of dozens of life-saving medical treatments that your insurance company could one day turn you down for." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

for that kind of money we could have another three weeks in Iraq (it doesn't work as well on shark bites)

Creationists, the hardline right-wing Christians believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer. --Jimmy Carr

Eight billion pounds is a lot of money to spend on the Olympics in London. I mean for that kind of money we could have another three weeks in Iraq. --Jimmy Carr

Do you know you’re meant to do if you're stung by a jellyfish? I went on holiday, everyone else knew. I didn't know. They told me, they said if you get stung by a jellyfish you’re supposed to pee on it. I'll tell you this much, it doesn't work as well on shark bites. The boy's family were livid. Apparently once they've been dead a couple of hours there is nothing you can do. --Jimmy Carr

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But tragically, no one filmed it (and only on its husband’s birthday)

Scientists are saying that in order to meet the world’s demand for meat, they are exploring the possibility of eating maggots, locusts, and other bugs, or hear me out, salad. Eat a salad. --Michael Che, SNL

Pope Francis met with more than 200 Italian Catholic hairstylists and warned them about the temptation of gossip in beauty salons. Especially when that gossip is, did you hear what happened to those alter boys? --Colin Jost, SNL

An Arizona woman suffered more than 200 bee stings after a heavy wind blew a beehive onto her head. But tragically, no one filmed it. --Michael Che, SNL

Scientists have discovered a new species of jellyfish with a transient anus that appears only when it needs to expel waste and only on its husband’s birthday. --Colin Jost, SNL

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Apparently once they've been dead a couple of hours there is nothing you can do (It took me ages to get her husband's voice right)

I had a relationship with a blind girl, which was rewarding, but challenging. It took me ages to get her husband's voice right. --Jimmy Carr

I saw the chief of the New York City police on the news. He said, “We will never forget 9/11.” I thought, I hope not not. It’s your phone number. --Jimmy Carr

Do you know you’re meant to do if you're stung by a jellyfish? I went on holiday, everyone else knew. I didn't know. They told me, they said if you get stung by a jellyfish you’re supposed to pee on it. I'll tell you this much, it doesn't work as well on shark bites. The boy's family were livid. Apparently once they've been dead a couple of hours there is nothing you can do. --Jimmy Carr

Creationists,  the hardline right-wing Christians believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer. --Jimmy Carr

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Why do we have wars? (Ze robot vill hug you now)

California will vote a proposal this fall that would split the state into three pieces. They’ll be called California, Northern California, and Sad Thin People. --Seth Meyers

Scientists in Germany have programmed a robot to hug humans due to research showing hugs can reduce stress and help stave off illness. Which is the most German reaction to that news. “Oh, you need a hug? Come here — let me build you a robot. Ze robot vill hug you now.” --Seth Meyers

The Cheesecake Factory has been fined $4.6 million for wage violations with their janitorial staff. And now to save money they have to remove the last 40 pages of their menu. --Seth Meyers

According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish this week. “I’m on my way!!” said R. Kelly. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

you can just walk five blocks to the Capitol building and see the real thing (Paul Ryan jellyfish)

"Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said today that he would not use nuclear weapons under any circumstances. I didn't realize his battle with Hillary had escalated to this level. I just thought there was a little friction.' --Jay Leno

"Madame Tussauds' new wax museum in Washington D.C. is going to feature a "scandal room," featuring wax likenesses of elected officials involved in sex, alcohol, or ethics scandals. Why would you go there, when you can just walk five blocks to the Capitol building and see the real thing?" --Jay Leno

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans