He's so conservative, he won't even shop at a store that has parking in the rear (Make it one year and I’ll buy it for you)

March 2012

“While visiting a GM plant President Obama pledged to buy a Chevy Volt after his presidency ends in five years. Today Mitt Romney said, ‘Make it one year and I’ll buy it for you.’” –Jay Leno

“Newt Gingrich has promised to bring gas down to $2.50 a gallon. That's what Newt should be doing, running a gas station!” –Jay Leno

“It’s been a good week for Romney. He won Arizona, Michigan, and Wyoming. He said this is the best week of his life since they lowered the capital gains tax.” –Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum is so conservative, he won't even shop at Dick's Sporting Goods. He wants mailmen to stop wearing those shorts. He thinks a threesome is playing golf with two other guys. He's so conservative, he won't even shop at a store that has parking in the rear.” –Jay Leno

“We have the lovely actress Julianne Moore on the show tonight. She's playing Sarah Palin in the new HBO movie "Game Change." It's about the 2008 election. Believe me, that was a tough role to prepare for, playing Sarah Palin. She had to spend over six months not studying anything.” –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally, a Republican who might win something

"HBO is planning a new movie similar to 'Game Change,' but based on the 2012 election. The network said they're not sure who will play Mitt Romney — then Mitt Romney said, 'Hey, I'm not doing anything.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday morning, and 'Lincoln' got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something." –Jay Leno 

Orrin Hatch knows what a hipster is?

“It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you.” –Jay Leno 

“Republican Senator Orrin Hatch accused President Obama of pandering to the hipster wing of the Democratic Party. It's pretty shocking — not that he said that, just that Orrin Hatch knows what a hipster is.” –Jimmy Fallon





“There is an HBO movie coming out about the 2008 presidential election. Apparently John McCain is very unhappy with the way he was portrayed. He said he came across as a clueless and angry man. No one had the heart to tell him he was watching the toaster.” –Craig Ferguson

So Republicans went to Plan B

“We have the lovely actress Julianne Moore on the show tonight. She's playing Sarah Palin in the new HBO movie "Game Change." It's about the 2008 election. Believe me, that was a tough role to prepare for, playing Sarah Palin. She had to spend over six months not studying anything.” –Jay Leno



“Mitt Romney is having a lot of trouble connecting to the common person. So he’s trying a little too hard. In an interview yesterday, Romney said that he has worn a garbage bag as rain gear. He said it’s easy. All he had to do is dump out the hundred-dollar bills and throw the bag over his head.” –Conan O'Brien



“I thought the election was gonna be all about the economy. But the economy started doing better. So Republicans went to plan b: calling women whores.” –Bill Maher