Are you a history book in Florida cos you just got burned? (Steamboat Willy Familiarises Himself with Maritime Law)

April 2023

“Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, who had previously guaranteed $5 Million to anyone who could prove that data he alleged showed Chinese interference in the 2020 election was inaccurate. It was the easiest Maga contest since Prove Rudy Drippy and Prove Eric Sad Inside.” —Stephen Colbert

“Florida governor and potential presidential nominee Ron DeSantis is not only losing support, he’s getting publicly humiliated after he met with Republicans who were not impressed, particularly the Texas representative Lance Gooden who tweeted that he met him and is now endorsing Trump. Are you a history book in Florida cos you just got burned?” —Stephen Colbert

“Ron DeSantis continues to maintain his campaign promise to be 100% unlikable after extending his don’t say gay mandate to the 12th grade and now the only place to discuss anything to do with gender or sexuality would be in sex education with the angriest gym teacher. DeSantis continues to feud with Disney, stripping the company of more dispensations after it showed LGBTQ+ support and this week a North Carolina lawmaker proposed that the company move to his state instead. The bill was titled Mickey’s Freedom Restoration Act which was the title of the most boring Disney movie ever right after Steamboat Willy Familiarises Himself with Maritime Law.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Got his social security number. You know what it is? Three. (like Aristotle and Socrates)

"Well, more good news this week for John McCain. It seems he is now matching Barack Obama's fundraising numbers. But he does have a slight advantage. See, for every dollar McCain raises, Medicare matches it." --Jay Leno

 

"And John McCain and Barack Obama met last week for a forum on national service at Columbia University in New York. McCain said being on a college campus reminded him of all his old professors, like Aristotle and Socrates." --Jay Leno

"Well it's now being reported that in exchange for Hillary's support, if he is elected, Barack Obama will make Hillary Clinton a Supreme Court judge. Has he thought this through? You know the Clintons: if she gets on the Supreme Court, she could demand a recount and declare herself the winner. It's happened before." --Jay Leno

 

"In more serious news, big controversy last week after State Department officials looked at passport files of all three major candidates. Turns out, they got a hold of John McCain's Social Security number. Got his social security number. You know what it is? Three." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, parents, don't forget to point up at the sky and tell your children the moon is going away because they've been bad (Disobey)

Sarah Palin just posted on Facebook that she tripped and fell while doing something called “Rock-running.” Not sure what rock-running is, but I think it’s when you jog while playing air guitar. Palin fell and hit her head on a rock. Don’t worry, she’s OK or, you know, the same. –Stephen Colbert

"The math behind how Mitt Romney can give everyone a 20% tax cut without bankrupting the government is just way too advanced for us regular folk to understand. It's unfathomably complex, like string theory. You'd have to grasp that the universe is actually 11 coexistent dimensions, eight of which is where Romney shelters his wealth." –Stephen Colbert

Don't forget on Sunday night, there's going to be a full lunar eclipse. So, parents, don't forget to point up at the sky and tell your children the moon is going away because they've been bad. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, apparently there's a little more to this whole presidency thing than just not getting blown (if I die, this stewardess can handle it)

"When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said, quote, I'm not making this up, 'What is it exactly that the VP does every day?' Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their friends, they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face. That's what the vice president does." --Bill Maher

"More people, particularly Republicans, disapprove of President Bush's performance. They're questioning his character now and they no longer consider him a strong leader on terrorism. Yeah, apparently there's a little more to this whole presidency thing than just not getting blown." --Bill Maher

"I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign based on 'We're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The democrats don't get that. I, John McCain, am the only one standing between the blood-thirsty Al Qaedas and you. But if I die, this stewardess can handle it.'" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Obama compared himself to Gandhi (We should try this on Rush Limbaugh)

March 2012

“It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you.” –Jay Leno

“In a speech on Wall Street the other day, President Obama compared himself to Gandhi. Well, that makes sense. He's created a lot of jobs in India.” –Jay Leno

“In a recent interview, President Obama said when he plays golf, he doesn't want or expect people to give him a pass on any shots. He just hopes people will give him a mulligan in November.” –Jay Leno 

“Japanese researchers have invented a speech-jamming gun that can silence people from 30 meters away. You fire this at them, and they can stop talking. It makes people speechless. We should try this on Rush Limbaugh.” –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently we're not ready for that! (tag a porn star)

Donald Trump, “Now is the time for congress to show the world that America is committed to ending illegal immigration and putting the ruthless coyotes, cartels, drug dealers, and human traffickers out of business. Stephen Colbert, “And no one knows how to put something out of business like Donald Trump.” --Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump, “I am also proud to be the first president to include in my budget a plan for nationwide paid family leave so that every new parent has the chance to bond with their newborn child.” Colbert as Trump, “Because, you know, some people are too busy to bond with their wife and newborn child. Instead, they’re forced to go to a vodka launch party and tag a porn star. I’m sorry. Not on my watch! I’m sorry. I meant to say not while anyone is watching me.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

To learn who rules over you... (But don't worry, they died)

Dozens of Eagles fans were seen stage-diving off the awning of the Philadelphia Ritz-Carlton after last night's Super Bowl win. But don't worry, they died. --Seth Meyers

Dodge is being criticized on social media for using a Martin Luther King Jr. sermon as a voiceover. Even worse, Snickers made an ad with Gandhi. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

So Trump is definitely fitting in there — you decide where he fits in for yourself

I do want to distinguish, it doesn’t necessarily mean BEST Person of the Year, it’s just Person of the Year, although don’t tell Donald Trump that. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump did interviews about this, he said it was a very, very great honor and Time is a very important magazine. I think he’s more excited about this than being president, to be honest. –Jimmy Kimmel

Some of the people of the year include Gandhi, Stalin, Churchill, Nixon, Putin, Obama, and Hitler. So Trump is definitely fitting in there — you decide where he fits in for yourself. –Jimmy Kimmel

So anyway, congratulations to Donald Trump, and to the photographer who got him to sit still and not tweet for 30 seconds. That’s the guy who should be Person of the Year this year. –Jimmy Kimmel

In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.'

"Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney's potential 2016 campaign and said, 'It's sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.' When someone told him Einstein didn't actually say that, he said, 'In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.''" –Jimmy Fallon



"Just days after Mitt Romney suggested he might run for president, there's been a backlash. The backlash is led by Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, and just to hedge his bets on every issue, Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien