Ode to a Lost Prius in the Whole Foods Parking Lot

According to a political science professor, all of Donald Trump's speeches are given at a fifth-grade level or below. And today Trump said the professor who did the study was a doody head. –Jimmy Fallon

In Virginia recently, a computer crash wiped out a decade's worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up. –Conan O’Brien

Yale University's being pushed to modify a poetry course because students have complained that the content is too white. Students objected specifically to a poem called "Ode to a Lost Prius in the Whole Foods Parking Lot." –Conan O’Brien