"I don't believe in
spilling secrets, but since we've already revealed the existence of these 14
prisoners, let's make it worth our while. Locking them at Gitmo will only make
Americans feel safe [on screen: Except American Muslims]. It's much better for
Americans to be scared. I say we let our citizens get a good look at these
terrorists up close and personal. That's why I propose a pre-election personal
appearance tour. Monsters of Terror '06 [on screen: Opening Act: Dixie
Chicks]." --Stephen Colbert
"By the way Osama, if
you're free, Katherine Harris could really use you at an upcoming campaign
dinner [on screen: To Scare Voters More Than She Does]." --Stephen Colbert
"The president
continued to butter up the audience [on screen: Bush saying, 'The attacks were
meant to bring us to our knees and they did, but not in the way the terrorists
intended']. There was obviously a time, during a previous administration, when I
could have at this point made a really nice blow j-- joke. I don't think that's
what he was going for." --Jon Stewart
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