It will live to see another salad

One of the guys who works here bought an earthquake preparedness kit. It's a bucket full of supplies. One of the items listed is an emergency toilet. He was curious to see what it was. It turns out the emergency toilet is the bucket itself. I guess in an emergency, everything is a toilet. –Jimmy Kimmel

Even the president celebrated Cinco de Mayo today at the White House this morning — the traditional pardon of the avocado. It will live to see another salad. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump observed Cinco de Mayo. He posted this on Facebook, “Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!” There you go. All is forgiven. He even built a little wall around the Mexican salad so it doesn't get on his American desk. –Jimmy Kimmel