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Saturday, May 21, 2016

if your redwood lasts more than 2,000 years, call your lumberjack!






Ed Rendell tried to help Hillary Clinton by attacking her opponent, saying, "Trump's comments, like 'you can't be a 10 if you're flat-chested,' will come back to haunt him." And then Rendell helpfully added, "There are probably more ugly women in America than attractive women. People take that stuff personally." Yep, I have a feeling a lot of women are about to take that really personally. –Stephen Colbert
The National Parks Service is so desperate for cash that they just announced that, for the first time, they are going to solicit corporate sponsorship. Pretty soon, those sequoias could be brought to you by Viagra. Remember, if your redwood lasts more than 2,000 years, call your lumberjack! –Stephen Colbert
One of the ways that Trump is treating the convention like a reality show is holding off announcing his running mate. As one Trumpling said, "Announcing the vice-presidential nominee before the convention is like announcing the winner of 'Celebrity Apprentice' before the final show is on the air." It's an apt metaphor, because this year's Republican convention will be the series finale of America. –Stephen Colbert

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