He suffers from chronic swelling

"President Bush now attempting to raise a half a billion dollars to fund the construction of the presidential library. This will be all of President Bush's important papers that will be out. In fact most of them are so important when he goes to the library, President Bush will be seeing these papers for the first time." --Jay Leno

"In Illinois a mental patient went on trial for threatening to castrate President Bush. He was sentenced to 7 months in prison but a federal judge let him go because you can't lock people up for threatening to castrate the president. If you could, Hillary would have been in Leavenworth 15 years ago." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. government has unveiled 144 new questions that immigrants will have to answer when taking the U.S. citizenship test. The first question on the U.S. immigrant test is: When did you first become governor of California?" --Conan O'Brien