Tom Brady's cookbook teaches you how to...

Today is the Mexican holiday of Cinco de Mayo. Or as it will be known under President Trump, "May the Goddamn Fifth." –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump said his vice presidential pick might be one of his presidential rivals. When asked which one, Trump said, "I haven’t decided yet if it’s the liar, the loser, or the fat pig." –Conan O’Brien

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is coming out with a cookbook. The cookbook teaches you how to make a soufflé that falls then re-inflates at halftime. –Conan O’Brien