his great-great-grandmother once had a demon out of wedlock

"Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." --David Letterman

"Earlier this week, Vice President Cheney's wife said that  Vice President Cheney is actually a distant cousin of  Barack Obama. At first Obama was skeptical, then he remembered that his great-great-grandmother once had a demon out of wedlock." --Conan O'Brien

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There's a woman who's got an apartment here in New York, in Brooklyn. She goes to the bathroom and there is a 7-foot python in the toilet. It's just coiled up. A giant killer snake in the toilet. I was thinking, usually when you find something coiling around your leg in a restroom, it's Senator Larry Craig" --David Letterman