Harry Potter and the Iraq Study Group

"Hillary Clinton's making calls, hiring staff and getting ready to travel to Iowa to launch her campaign. She'll be on the road nonstop for the next two years. How is Bill going to manage stuck home all alone? He's going to be heartbroken." --Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney has a gay daughter, Mary. Well, she's pregnant. Wow, that's going to be a shotgun wedding. Apparently, it all began with a romantic evening at home, watching a DVD of 'Xena: Warrior Princess.'" --Jay Leno

"I don't think President Bush understands these things. When they told President Bush that Dick Cheney's gay daughter was pregnant, he said, 'It's a Christmas miracle.'" --Jay Leno

"The Iraq Study Group report came out today and was released as a book this morning. And after only a few hours, it soared to number 18 on Amazon's best seller list. They even got President Bush to buy a copy because they called it 'Harry Potter and the Iraq Study Group.'" --Conan O'Brien