It’s
been reported that the head of security for the TSA has been officially removed
from his position. That’s right, he was told to turn in his badge, his uniform,
his shoes, his belt, his keys, bottles over 4 ounces, his laptop, and any coins
in his pockets. (I repeat! There should be NOTHING IN HIS POCKETS!) –Jimmy
Fallon
I
saw that today, Donald Trump held a big rally in New Mexico. Which is weird,
since he’s spent his whole campaign promising to ban NEW Mexicans. –Jimmy
Fallon
Trump
criticized Hillary Clinton over the weekend, claiming that her views are “just
words” read off a teleprompter. But Hillary denied it, saying, “I’ve had these
speeches memorized since I was six.” –Jimmy Fallon
Helen
Hunt posted a photo on Twitter to show that her Starbucks barista wrote “Jody”
on her cup because she thought she was Jodie Foster. Meanwhile, Jodie Foster is
still at that same Starbucks going, “Where the hell is my damn coffee? What is
TAKING so long?!” –Jimmy Fallon
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