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Sunday, May 22, 2016

the strange witless grin on his face



"Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe, announced they are going to have a baby. After hearing this, President Bush pointed to Heather and said, 'Wait, she's not a dude' and then went back to reading Harry Potter." --Conan O'Brien


"According to a new study, children figure out the truth about Santa Claus between the ages of three and six. Although the study says that the age is much later for some U.S. presidents." --Conan O'Brien

"NASA's planning to return to the moon. NASA says that when we go back this time we're going to have a permanent base, and by 2027 astronauts will be living on the moon year round. Here's the thing. NASA gave no cost estimate or design details. That's right, a giant project with no blueprint, no budget perimeters and no timetable. Which means there is only one person who could make this thing work -- Donald Rumsfeld. NASA, snap him up. His resume's already been on Monster.com for two weeks." --Stephen Colbert 

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